Dear Obaa Yaa

My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.

Even when I am exhausted, unwell or running late from work, he will bathe the boy but leave the girl for me.

His reason was that he is a man and therefore should not bathe his daughter.

The situation has also begun to affect our daughter and sometimes cries.

I understand that people have different cultural beliefs and personal boundaries, but I am struggling to understand my husband’s position. 

Is there an unwritten cultural or religious taboo that prevents a father from bathing his own daughter? 

More importantly, how can I handle this situation without creating conflict in our marriage while also making sure that both children feel equally loved, cared for and valued by their father?

What should I do?

Lizzy, Oda

Koforidua.

Dear Lizzy,

There is nothing inherently wrong with a father helping to bathe his young daughter. In many families, fathers care for, bathe, dress and attend to both sons and daughters when they are young. 

Your husband’s discomfort may come from his cultural upbringing, personal beliefs about gender, religious interpretation, or simply a boundary he has chosen for himself. 

However, that does not mean you should be left carrying the entire responsibility for your daughter, especially when you are working, cooking and sometimes unwell.

Don’t raise the issue while he is bathing your son or while your daughter is crying. Explain calmly that the concern is not simply about bathing; it is about sharing parental responsibilities fairly.

If it is cultural, discuss whether that tradition is something both of you genuinely want to follow in your household.

Pay attention to your daughter’s feelings. Explain to her how daddy loves and adore her and the brother.

The bigger problem appears to be that your husband’s gender boundary has resulted in you becoming solely responsible for your daughter, even when you are sick or exhausted. That needs to change.

My husband and I have two children – a six-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. Since our daughter was born, my husband has taken responsibility for bathing our son and getting him ready for school. However, when it comes to our daughter, he refuses to help.

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.

After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.

He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.

I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.

There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.

My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.

Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?

From Frimpongmaa,

Assin Praso.

Dear Frimpongmaa, 

I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.

Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.

The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.

The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.