Obaa Yaa
My husband keeps cheating Dear Obaa Yaa
My husband has cheated on me for more than 15 years and even after he promised me it was over, I found he was still paying the same woman for sex.
I am 48 and he is 53.
We have been married for 18 years and I have spent most of that time bringing up our now adult children alone.
After I discovered his affair four years ago, he promised me he had ended it but would remain friends with the woman.
I found out through their messages that even after their affair officially ended he still paid her for sex.
He is the breadwinner, and he has always kept his spending a secret and given me a tiny budget to run the house.
He goads me into having arguments so he can walk out and spend weekends with his lover.
I finally told his family how his behaviour was affecting me, but even then he tried to blame me.
Privately, he told me I should have left him if I felt so unhappy.
But he told his mum he loves me and wants our relationship to work.
I am not sure how I feel because he is still in denial and won’t admit to my face what he has done.
Celestina, Ashaiman.
Dear Celestina,
I am sorry for what you are going through in your marriage.You really do not deserve this treatment, considering the commitment and loyalty to your husband but I am hoping at the end of my write up, we would be able to get to the bottom of it and get a solution to your problem.
First of all, I would advise you to talk to your husband for the last time about his bad behaviour and give him options to choose you or the lady he is paying for sex.
Bring your grown up kids in when you confront him and let them talk to him. If after all he doesn’t stop, then leave him.
At age 54, you should be enjoying the fruit of your labour and not stressing or worrying about marital issues.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
