Obaa Yaa
My friend’s ex-girl expresses interest in me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My friend has been in love with a girl for the past two years. Their relationship has been lovely that they have planned to marry.
Unfortunately, with the twist of events, my friend has stopped moving with the lady without any tangible explanation. I have tried to convince him to change his decision but he would not listen.
A month later, the girl called me that she would like to pay me a visit. Having considered her my friend’s former girl friend, l allowed her to visit me with the reason that she would like to discuss my friend’s conduct with me.
During interactions, she told me she had made a mistake in accepting my friend’s proposal to be his girlfriend. According to her, she wished she were my wife because l am a cool-tempered, quiet, tolerant and a humble person.
I informed my friend about this sudden change of mind of his girl friend. Surprisingly, he encouraged me to go ahead, since he was no longer interested in her.
Advise me on the right action to take.
Kodzo, Accra.
Dear Kodzo,
Though your friend has given you the green light to proceed because he is no longer interested, you must know that the acceptance of this offer would forever strain your relationship with him.
This is an indication that this girl has observed you for a long time and has secretly developed the love for you.
He might have given you the encouragement to go ahead, as a face-saving gesture which did not come from his heart. Though he might have willingly gone for another lady, the element of envy would definitely be in him against you if you go ahead to marry the lady.
Reject the suggestion from this lady and have your peace of mind. Despite her compliments, you must be bold to explain to her that you cannot do the unthinkable because of her previous relationship with your close friend.
Make her to understand that you are not the best man around, and that she will meet a man of her heart very soon.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
