An 80-year-old divorced woman has advised people in abusive relationship not to use their children as “an excuse to continue the relationship”. 

“I often hear people say they have decided to endure because of their children but that is very wrong because if you die who would take care of the children you claim to be sacrificing for” she questioned. 

Sharing her experience as a victim of an abusive marriage, she said interestingly she was married to a church leader who was a good man in the eyes of the public so no one believed or would have believed that she was going through a bad situation. 

She said when it was time to leave she did not discuss it  with anyone apart from her adult children and this she considers as one of the best decisions she made even after decades. 

“People were disappointed in me but I always asked myself who was being abused? It was me so why did I have to continue the relationship to please anyone? Thankfully, I still had my room in my late father’s house so I moved in and that was the end of the story” she disclosed. 

In an interview with The Spectator, the divorcee and retired dressmaker (pleading anonymity) said she felt obliged to advise victims of abusive relationships especially women because she found it heartbreaking to see innocent children being exposed to frequent abuse in the home which could affect them psychologically. 

” These children will not appreciate your so called sacrifice in future. They may not tell you how they feel but I bet you they would wish you had left. Violence is not good for children. It might make them become abusers in future, feel traumatised or  lose their confidence “she said.

The dressmaker said in her case, her ex husband was more verbally abusive and occasionally abused her physically but with time she felt she was not good enough as a woman because she had lost her confidence.

The Octogenarian said it was worth noting that some men moved on after the death of the women they abused without giving it a second thought, therefore, making the actions of the victims who endured the abuse unreasonable.

“You should remember that anytime he hits you, you are compromising your life and gradually you could die and leave your poor children alone in this world, ” she said.

She said it was always better for a woman to quit a marriage or relationship for the sake of mental health and future of the children because abusive people hardly changed. 

She said she had heard people say they would have no place to go should they leave their partners and described such statement as lame excuse. 

“You came from somewhere so there should be a place you could go back to. Even if your family and friends would not accept you, try moving into an uncompleted house or somewhere no one would be a threat to your life” she advised. 

The Divorcee said there were instances some women left their marriage to hustle and came back for their children when conditions improved to cater for them as single parents.

“Other times you have to leave with your children. Trust God to take care of you. Under no circumstance should you stay and die a needless death in a relationship”, she cautioned. 

She advised victims of abusive relationships “to always ensure they save some money to take care of themselves for days or weeks if they have to leave while they try to rebuild their lives”. 

From Dzifa Tetteh Tay, Tema.