All praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. We praise Him, seek His help and forgiveness, and place our trust in Him. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil within ourselves and from the Consequences of our deeds.

May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his family, his Companions and all those who follow his guidance until the Day of Judgment?

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh.

It is a great privilege to bring you this important topic for discussion.

Our subject today is:

“Protecting the Muslim Home in the Modern Age: Communication, Addiction, Temptation and Marital Fidelity.”

This is not simply a lecture about marriage.

It is a conversation about human beings, emotions, faith, choices, technology, temptation, responsibility and the future of our families.

And because I speak both as an Imam and as a certified counsellor, I want us to approach today’s discussion from two complementary perspectives:

The perspective of revelation and the perspective of human behaviour.

Islam gives us guidance about what is right and wrong.

Counselling helps us understand why people sometimes struggle to do what is right, how unhealthy patterns develop, and how people can be helped to change.

We therefore need both.

The foundation: what is marriage in Islam?

Before we discuss marital problems, we must first understand what marriage is supposed to accomplish.

Allah says:

“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may

find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs

for people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21)

Notice three extraordinary words:

1. SAKĪNAH – Tranquillity.

2. MAWADDAH – Affection and loving attachment.

3. RAḤMAH – Mercy, compassion and tenderness.

A successful marriage therefore should provide: Peace + Love + Mercy. (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is not merely: “I found someone attractive.”

Marriage is not: “I want someone to cook for me.”

Marriage is not: “I need somebody to have children with.”

Marriage is not simply: “I don’t want to be lonely.”

Marriage is an amanah — a trust from Allah.

Your spouse is an amanah.

Your children are an amanah.

Your sexuality is an amanah.

Your wealth is an amanah.

Your words are an amanah.

Your private conversations are an amanah.

And your marriage will ultimately be part of what you are accountable for before Allah.

There is a well-known Ḥadīth of Jābir ibn ʿAbdullāh, in which the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) addressed the Muslims during the Farewell Pilgrimage and spoke about the rights and responsibilities concerning women.

The author is the Chief Imam of Katamanso Municipal and Certified Counsellor and Governor Expert

 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not remain in me, he is like the branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. – John 15:1-8

Introduction

There are certain sins that Christians are always good at pointing out – usually in others. But there are a few that we tend to ignore, and these same few are the ones we also tend to commit more often ourselves.

1. Selfishness/self-righteousness

How often did Jesus call out the Pharisees in the New Testament? All. The. Time. And it was always for self-righteousness or selfishness. If you have to compliment yourself on something good you’ve done, then you aren’t doing it right. So many of us like to display our faithful acts so that others will know what good Christians we are. Christ doesn’t care what everyone else thinks of your generosity. He cares about your heart and your motivation. If you need other people to know about the good things you do, feel, or think in order to feel validated, then you need to re-evaluate.  – Matthew 6:1-4

2. Patriotism

For the record, I do NOT think patriotism in and of itself is a sin. I put this here because all too often we put faith and Christian values in the same box as political party and patriotism. The bible is clear about the fact that Jesus’ name will be declared to ALL nations and peoples of the world. We shout, “‘Ghana!” and talk about how much better we are than everyone else, but that’s not biblical. We project Christianity on to the Ghanaian flag and assume that God is Ghanaian, but that’s not how it works. Celebrate Ghanaian values and understand how blessed you are to live here, but remember that at the end of the day you are a citizen of heaven, and heaven will be full of people from all over the world.  – Revelation 7:9 – 10

3. Fear/worry

Jesus is very clear about worrying. He flat out tells us not to worry. Faith requires trust. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. . .” God is love. He loved us enough to send his son to die to atone for our sins. His love is perfect; therefore, we should have nothing to fear. I know fear is inevitable sometimes. It is a major struggle for me. We are not perfect, but fear and worry are not part of the equation with Christ. These attitudes that imply a lack of faith. All we can do is remember that God is sovereign and always in control – Matthew 6: 25 -34

4. Pride

We talk about pride all the time in church. We consistently discuss how detrimental and dangerous it is, but it seems like we don’t recognise what pride actually is. We don’t realise that every time we refuse someone forgiveness we are acting in pride. Every time you argue with a friend, family member, or spouse and insist that you will not be the one to apologize first then you act out of pride. Remember the grace that Christ extends to you and try to extend that same grace and forgiveness to others. – Philippians 2:1-5

5. Gluttony/coveting

This sin is closely related to pride. We bury ourselves in debt in order to make sure we have the best and newest things. The disciples often lived off of the generosity of others and Jesus was a poor carpenter. I’m not saying that wealth is inherently bad. It’s not. If you can afford that Mercedes, by all means, buy it. But if you can’t; if you are spending hundreds of dollars each month paying off debt, then you could be committing a modern form of gluttony. You need to look inside yourself and search your heart. If your nice things were taken away, would you still be satisfied and able to find joy in Christ? Why are you really in debt? Who are you trying to impress, God or men?  ^– 1 Timothy 6:6 – 8 7 17 – 19

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