Relationship
To marry or not to marry: the crush conundrum
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Marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to
To some extent, you should marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to. Many times, it can be challenging to be married to someone you have no feelings for.
Despite this, it is also dangerous and regrettable to marry someone solely based on your reason that you are physically and emotionally attracted to them. This is because marriage is a whole institution on its own, and goes far beyond mere physical and sexual attraction.
If you marry someone only on the basis of sexual chemistry or physical attraction; you are most likely going to live to regret that decision later on. This leads me to what the Scriptures say in Proverbs 31:30,
“Charm is DECEPTIVE, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” –NIV
“Charm is deceptive, and BEAUTY DOES NOT LAST; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.” – NLT
What does this Scripture mean?
Here in Proverbs 31:30, we understand that: I. Charm is deceptive, and II. Beauty fades with age.
Charm – sweet words, physical looks or stature is deceptive. This is supported by Proverbs 26:23-25, which states:
“Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbour deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts” (Proverbs 26:23-25).
There are those who are naturally charming and yet, they have many other godly character traits that make them admirable. They are innocent of deceit and have goodness in their hearts.
But this verse is speaking of a common type of charm that hides one’s unpleasant identity and character.
Beauty fades with age implies if you are more concerned with the outer appearance of your soon-to-be spouse at the expense of other important qualities; then you will be unhappy and shaky in your marriage when the wrinkles come and the number on the weighing scale goes up after getting married. Remember, because of the fall of man, humans get old and die of the decay.
“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall” (Isaiah 40:6).
It is not intrinsically wrong to want to look pleasing or to marry a good looking person as your husband or wife. Wanting to look pleasing to your husband is also not evil (1 Cor. 7:34).
However, there is a high cost when beauty becomes an idol. Whereas the world’s way is for women to dress to entice; God’s way is the cultivation of inner beauty. No wonder, 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
This Scripture about beauty does not mean it is wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit.
God would rather prefer women work on becoming beautiful on the inside – the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
Did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of ageing as early as age 25? That is part of why God wants us to fear or revere Him. Therefore, my advice to you is:
Never marry someone simply because of the person’s physical looks and stature.
Instead, you must have certain enduring qualities you would like to see in the man or woman you intend to marry. What specific character traits should your husband or wife-to-be possess?
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
1. Talk early and often
It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.
2. Go to the orientation
If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.
3. Meet the teacher
For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.
4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons
In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.
5. Take your kids shopping with you
Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.
6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations
At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.
7. Practice your new routine
Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.
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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.
1. Meet with the teacher and staff early
Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.
2. Help the teacher get to know your child.
Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.
3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.
Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.
4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.
If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class.
5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.
Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.
6. Participate in school events.
Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.
7. Say “thank you.”
Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.
