Relationship
To marry or not to marry: the crush conundrum
Marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to
To some extent, you should marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to. Many times, it can be challenging to be married to someone you have no feelings for.
Despite this, it is also dangerous and regrettable to marry someone solely based on your reason that you are physically and emotionally attracted to them. This is because marriage is a whole institution on its own, and goes far beyond mere physical and sexual attraction.
If you marry someone only on the basis of sexual chemistry or physical attraction; you are most likely going to live to regret that decision later on. This leads me to what the Scriptures say in Proverbs 31:30,
“Charm is DECEPTIVE, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” –NIV
“Charm is deceptive, and BEAUTY DOES NOT LAST; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.” – NLT
What does this Scripture mean?
Here in Proverbs 31:30, we understand that: I. Charm is deceptive, and II. Beauty fades with age.
Charm – sweet words, physical looks or stature is deceptive. This is supported by Proverbs 26:23-25, which states:
“Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbour deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts” (Proverbs 26:23-25).
There are those who are naturally charming and yet, they have many other godly character traits that make them admirable. They are innocent of deceit and have goodness in their hearts.
But this verse is speaking of a common type of charm that hides one’s unpleasant identity and character.
Beauty fades with age implies if you are more concerned with the outer appearance of your soon-to-be spouse at the expense of other important qualities; then you will be unhappy and shaky in your marriage when the wrinkles come and the number on the weighing scale goes up after getting married. Remember, because of the fall of man, humans get old and die of the decay.
“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall” (Isaiah 40:6).
It is not intrinsically wrong to want to look pleasing or to marry a good looking person as your husband or wife. Wanting to look pleasing to your husband is also not evil (1 Cor. 7:34).
However, there is a high cost when beauty becomes an idol. Whereas the world’s way is for women to dress to entice; God’s way is the cultivation of inner beauty. No wonder, 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
This Scripture about beauty does not mean it is wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit.
God would rather prefer women work on becoming beautiful on the inside – the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
Did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of ageing as early as age 25? That is part of why God wants us to fear or revere Him. Therefore, my advice to you is:
Never marry someone simply because of the person’s physical looks and stature.
Instead, you must have certain enduring qualities you would like to see in the man or woman you intend to marry. What specific character traits should your husband or wife-to-be possess?
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
The New Year is here. It is a time of year when individuals, couples, and families take time to look back at the year that just passed, and look forward to the coming months.
Here are six ways the couples can start the New Year together.
1. Recap this past year.
Knowing what you want out of the New Year becomes clearer when you recap the year that has passed. Talk about this past year together, focusing on all notable elements of the year.
What amazing things would you like to remember, and repeat, if possible? What did not work out? What do you want to leave behind, and what do you want to bring with you into the New Year?
2. Talk about the coming New Year
What are you anticipating about this New Year? Talk about it together. Share what you hope to learn this year, and what you hope to accomplish.
What are you both looking forward to, as individuals? What are you looking forward to as a couple? In what areas can you work together, and in what areas can you provide support and cheer each other on?
3. Share your dreams with one another
Dreaming is healthy. It brings us hope and happiness, and helps us believe that anything is possible. Fuel that positivity and optimism as you enter the New Year together. Do you have big dreams for the New Year? Share them with one another so you can be each other’s biggest cheerleader.
4. Set tangible and actionable goals
Setting New Year’s goals that are both tangible and actionable will help you each start taking steps to making the changes you want to make in your life. Whether you’re looking to break an old habit, create a new one, or accomplish something big this year, create goals–even smaller goals–that will carry you where you want to go. Then, share these goals with one another so you can help each other stay on track.
5. Let go of last year’s pain
It is not beneficial to hold onto pain from the past year. Where possible, let go of painful memories and hard feelings as you move into the New Year. Carrying pain with you will only drag you down and keep you from creating the year you’re dreaming of.
That said, there are some circumstances and situations that are not easy to leave behind. If you’re struggling with grief or circumstances beyond your control, it may be beneficial to seek professional counseling in order to get the support you need to thrive in the New Year.
6. Reprioritise for the New Year
Reflect together on your priorities from the past year. What did they look like? Do you want to keep your priorities the same, or do they need to shift in the New Year? Now is the best time to revisit your priorities and make adjustments where needed. If you and your spouse can do that together, even better.
Start the New Year off on the right foot.
As the clock resets, the second week of January is here, and with it comes the excitement of a fresh start. For couples, this is a golden opportunity to step into the new year not just as individuals but as a team. A joint plan and target for 2026 can be the difference between a marital relationship that merely survives and one that truly thrives.
Planning together as a couple is about more than setting goals; it is about strengthening your bond, aligning your dreams, and creating a shared vision for your home and future. It is a deliberate act of love, commitment, and collaboration that can transform your relationship and enhance your mental and emotional well-being.
Here is how couples can make 2026 their best year yet by embracing the power of joint planning and preparation.
1. Start with a vision: What do we want to achieve together?
The foundation of a successful joint plan is a shared vision. Sit down together and ask yourselves: “What do we want our relationship and life to look like by the end of 2026?” Visualise the kind of couple you want to be, the milestones you want to celebrate, and the legacy you want to build.
Practical tips:
• Create a vision statement for your relationship. For example: “In 2026, we want to grow closer emotionally, achieve financial stability, and create lasting memories together.”
• Break down your vision into key areas such as finances, health, family, career, and spiritual growth.
• Keep your vision realistic yet inspiring—something you can both work toward with excitement.
2. Reflect on the past year: Celebrate and learn
Before diving into 2026, take time to reflect on 2025. What were your wins as a couple? What challenges did you face, and how did you overcome them? Reflection allows you to celebrate your strengths while identifying areas for growth.
Practical tips
•. Schedule a “reflection date” where you sit down together in a quiet, relaxed environment.
• Ask each other questions to guide your reflection, like:
- What were our happiest moments in 2025, and how can we create more of them?
- What was our biggest challenge? Were there times when we felt disconnected? What caused it, and how can we avoid it this year?
- How did we support each other during difficult times, and how can we improve this year?
• Write down your answers and use them as a foundation for your 2026 plan.
3. Set joint goals: The power of teamwork
Once you have a vision, it is time to set specific, actionable goals. These goals should be SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Setting joint goals ensures that both partners are on the same page and working toward a common purpose.
Examples of joint SMART goals for 2026
• Financial goals: Create a budget, save 20 per cent of our income for a property, family vacation, or a major purchase.
• Health goals: Exercise together three times a week, supporting each other’s mental health. or cook healthy meals at home daily.
• Relationship goals: Schedule a date night every two weeks to keep the romance alive.
• Parenting goals: Spend one-on-one time with each child weekly to strengthen family bonds.
• Spiritual goals: Pray together every morning, attend church services regularly, or join a small group for spiritual accountability.
Example of a SMART goal for 2026
“We will spend 15 minutes every evening discussing our day to improve communication and emotional connection.”
4. Prioritise communication and transparency: Stay connected
A joint plan is only effective if both partners feel heard and understood. Be vulnerable about your needs, concerns, and aspirations for the year. Open, honest communication is the glue that holds your plan together. Make it a priority to check in regularly and discuss your progress, challenges, and feelings.
Practical communication strategies
• Use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blame (e.g., “I feel supported when you help with household chores”).
• Schedule monthly “goal check-ins” to review your progress and make adjustments where necessary.
• Use active listening to ensure both partners feel valued and understood. Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective without interrupting.
• Be honest about your struggles and celebrate small wins together.
5. Create a vision board together
A vision board is a creative and visual way to bring your joint plans to life. It is a fun and interactive activity that allows you to map out your goals, dreams, and aspirations for the year as a couple.
How to make a vision board
• Gather supplies like magazines, scissors, glue, and a large poster board.
• Cut out images, quotes, and words that represent your goals for 2026.
• Include categories like finances, family, health, career, travel, and spiritual or personal growth.
• Display the vision board in a place where you will see it regularly to stay inspired and motivated.
To be continued …
Source: REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI is a renowned author, mental health professional, lecturer, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE). He is the author of several books, including “Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage” and “A Counsellor’s Guide to Using ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Effectively.”
6. Build a financial plan together
Money is often a source of tension in relationships, but a clear financial plan can reduce stress and foster trust. Use the start of the year to create a joint budget, set savings targets, and agree on how to manage expenses.
Steps to build your financial plan
• Track your income and expenses to identify areas where you can save.
• Set financial priorities, such as paying off debt, saving for a home, or investing in education.
• Agree on spending limits for non-essential items to avoid conflicts.
7. Strengthen your mental and emotional bond
Good mental health is the foundation of a thriving marital relationship. Couples who prioritise their mental and emotional well-being are better equipped to navigate challenges, resolve conflicts, and stay connected.
Steps to strengthen mental health together
• Practice gratitude: Start a gratitude journal where you list things you are thankful for about each other daily or weekly. Start each day with words of affirmation or a prayer together.
• Encourage self-Care: Support each other in taking time for personal hobbies, rest, and relaxation. Support each other’s mental health by being patient, understanding, and encouraging self-care.
• Share your dreams, fears, and hopes for the future during quiet moments.
• Seek help when needed: Do not hesitate to consult Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC), or a therapist if you face emotional or relational difficulties.
8. Create a couple’s bucket list
Planning is not just about work—it is also about fun! A couple’s bucket list adds excitement and adventure to your relationship. It is a chance to dream big and create unforgettable memories together.
Examples of bucket list ideas
• Take a weekend road trip to a destination you have never explored to celebrate a personal or professional success.
• Have a special dinner date when you hit a financial savings target.
• Try a new hobby together, such as dancing, gardening, or painting.
• Write love letters to each other and exchange them on your anniversary.
• Surprise each other with thoughtful gifts or notes of encouragement.
9. Stay flexible: Life happens
Even the best plans can face unexpected challenges. Flexibility is key to maintaining harmony in your relationship when life throws curveballs. Be willing to adapt your goals and support each other through changes.
Final thoughts: Your year, your legacy
Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, and focus on growing together as a couple.
2026 is a blank canvas, and you and your spouse hold the brush. By creating a joint plan and working as a team, you can build a year filled with love, growth, and success.
Take time this week to sit down, dream, and plan together. Know that the effort you invest in your marital relationship now will yield a harvest of joy and fulfillment in the months to come. Here is to 2026—a year of unity, purpose, and partnership! Let us make it a year to remember.
To be continued …
Source: REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI is a renowned author, mental health professional, lecturer, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE). He is the author of several books, including “Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage” and “A Counsellor’s Guide to Using ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Effectively.”
By Counselor Prince Offei
