Obaa Yaa
They have a secret relationship
Dear Obaa Yaa,
A friend of mine introduced me to a young man few months ago. I accepted his proposal and we have dated for three years. But I discovered recently that my new boyfriend had dated my friend in the past.
They both tell me they are “just friends” but I notice they express their feelings towards each other during phone conversations. I have seen text messages to prove they have an affair.
My friend denied when I confronted her and insisted they are “just friends.” When I asked my fiance he got upset that I had read messages on his phone, but did not deny the secret relationship with my friend.
He told me if I wanted to maintain the relationship, I should not talk about the other lady. It appears I have been living in a fool’s paradise. I am gradually losing hope in him. I don’t know what to do.
Mavis, Taifa.
Dear Mavis,
Sometimes you need to let go of what you love so much if your love is not replicated. As long as your boyfriend did not deny the relationship, he is likely to continue the secret relationships with your friend. Don’t ‘lose hope’. If you feel you’re the ‘third party’ in the relationship, take a break and use the break to redirect yourself.
Obaa Yaa
Alhaji is older than my father
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been traditionally married to an Alhaji at the instance of my parents at the age of 16 years.
Gladly, he has not had any sexual intercourse with me all this while.
Meanwhile, he funded my education from second cycle to the University where I have a year to graduate.
The idea was that I will finally move in to stay with him as husband and wife after getting my degree.
I will not be able to stand the shame and humiliation from friends if I marry him.
He is rich and caring, I must admit.
Should I agree to marry Alhaji who is few years older than my father?
Adiza,
Nima.
Dear Adiza,
YOU have been married to Alhaji traditionally, so technically you are his wife.
If you feel you don’t want this man, kindly discuss with your parents who gave your hand in marriage.
I must, however, warn that you might not have your way that easily after enjoying all the benefits Alhaji has offered to see you through your education.
The people to blame are your parents. They have put you in this trouble.
Discuss it with them as to how best they can get you out of it. It might mean reimbursing the Alhaji for all he has spent on you.
That may be a huge sum of money you cannot pay and I doubt if Alhaji will take it lightly with you.
Obaa Yaa
They harrass me everyday
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 12-year-old girl. My mother and I just moved to a new area in Accra. For some time now, I have a big problem on my neck.
A group of young men, three of them who I believe are in their early 20s always sit in front of their house and harass me whenever I am on my way back from school.
This is because one of them sent me on an errand and I refused to go.
Since then they have harassed me and also called me names.
One of them has threatened to beat me up if I use that route.
I always plead with my classmates to accompany me home every day because I’m scared of them.
I don’t feel safe when I walk alone.
Esi, Oyarifa.
Dear Esi,
I UNDERSTAND how you feel, especially when it comes to the fact that boys want to team up to bully you.
You always feel insecure because they can harm you.
Kindly tell your mother to lodge a formal complaint to their parent or head of household.
Let your mother make it explicit to the boys and their family that if the harassment and threats do not cease, then the police would be brought in.
