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The epidemic of failing marriages

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Observing the typical Sikaman family from afar, one can really be amused. You won’t fall to see a family member behaving exact­ly like a Vice-President and another doubling like a Trades Union Congress (TUC) man.

There is also every chance for you to meet an opposition flag bearer and if you’re lucky, you’d meet the President himself, His Excellency Sir Kwame Korkorti, commander-in-chief of the family forces, head of state of the Republic of Korkorti and Sons.

There are various family types with some having the wife as the President for reasons too obvious to mention. They are the breadwinners, and on top of that, they wield the power of the laddle; meaning that the portofolio of the kitchen is under their armpit.

In such a situation, the husband ceases to be a power broker. At best he is a linguist. He doesn’t make the rules, he interprets them. Such a fam­ily is a stable one because the woman is a better manager of family resourc­es for the fact that she doesn’t spend on alcohol. She may take ‘quarter’ once in a while, but that is only to trigger off a dull appetite against fufu and groundnut soup.

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The sad thing about the Sikaman family is that many of them do not last these days. It is also a fact akin to a worrisome global trend. In the United States, three out of every five marriages end on the rocks. In Russia getting married today and getting divorced the next dawn is a common phenomenon.

Press reports on the Russian situation denote a sad palaver of a super-power society. Russian women are blamed for most of the divorc­es. According to observers, they are unfaithful to their husbands, a factor that has skyrocketed the incidence of the divorce comedy.

Some, however, blame capitalism on the bad turn of events. With a liberal political and economic atmo­sphere, everyone is said to be liber­ated, adventurous wives inclusive. So their husbands must bear with the situation or quit. No compromise!

The Russian situation isn’t an iso­lated one, though. The whole palaver is that divorce is becoming a global epidemic, a disease no vaccine is able to prevent. I was sad when Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley got divorced.

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The lady claimed Mike could not do “things” to her. “He didn’t know I ever existed”, she bemoaned the last days of a tragedy-hit marriage. If that is true, then I’m sorry for her. She should have taken someone like Koko­tako. It would have been a different story altogether, because the guy reg­ularly drinks the dregs of palmwine. No lady comes and goes back without a dream in her heart.

Tyson and Lady Diana

Talk about the marriage of Mike Tyson to the beautiful Robin Givens and you’ll realise how it all started fairy-tale-like and ended in a bedroom that and often been transformed into a boxing ring – a mini Madison Square Garden.

When Tyson took Givens and her mother to Russia, I guess the cold en­tered into Mike’s head and he chased wife and mother around a hotel swearing to kill them.

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The old lady did not know she was a good sprinter until the occasion pre­sented itself. And she ran as if she had mad-cow disease. The die was cer­tainly cast. In a television appearance with Mike, Givens told the interviewer that her husband suffered psychiatric problems and beat her. Mike could not bear it any longer. They divorced.

The marriage between Prince Charles and Lady Diana and its tragic coda is one that has brought doubts whether the monarchy is worth perpetuating or dismantling. My own opinion is that the monarchy is no lon­ger worth a dime. Not with all these sexual tragicomedies inundating the centre of the royal family by a relent­less osmosis.

Anyway, before the marriage, an astrologer announced it would not last. The prince, a Scorpio and the princess a Cancer, both of the water group were supposed to experience a very boring marriage. With a suppos­edly incompatible birth numbers and whatever, the astrologer declared the marriage was disaster-bound.

It is not, however, clear whether it is a prophecy come true or the mar­riage could have been saved if both had wanted to preserve the honour of the monarchy. And with the prince and princess having been very liberal with desecrating the temple of God in adul­terous escapades, the monarchy has lost the moral legitimacy of its exis­tence. Moreso when other members of the royal family like Fergie have been too morally wayward for the sanctity of and reverence for the throne.

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In Sikaman, the cause of rock-bound marriage include money pala­ver, infidelity, sexual incompatibility, boredom and common snoring. Well, some wives complain that when their husband snore, the foundation of the building shakes. So they experience mini earthquakes at night and cannot sleep. So they must go to their par­ents and complain.

The palaver is that in some cases the women out-snore the men, but the men rarely complain. It is normal­ly the women who complain to their parents as a first step to quitting the marriage.

“I am terrified”, a wife will tell her parents. “I can’t sleep even if I take valium.

When he takes akpeteshie before supper, it is worse. It is like his nose has been plugged to high-voltage elec­tricity. I can’t stand it any longer. One day the building will collapse on us”.

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“But didn’t you know the man was a dangerous snorer before you decided to stay with him?” her father would ask.

“At first it was not so serious. Now it has become like a criminal offence since he is depriving me of my sleep. He has to be put before the High Court”.

Problems associated with marriage can be minimised with counselling before and after marriage.

Very good marriage counsellors teach you how to become sexually compatible, how to resolve family crisis, how to bring excitement into a dull marriage and how to tone down a vibrating nose.

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This is what the churches do these days. They have trained marriage counsellors that take prospective couples through the theory and prac­tice of marriage. Perhaps if Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie had been coun­selled, it would have been a different matter today.

And Lady Diana would still have been in the arms of the Prince of Wales.

This article was first published on Saturday, November 2, 1996

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Female bodies for sale

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A man and a woman walking together

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.

For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.

The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.

It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.

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Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.

In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.

They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.

Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.

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Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.

So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.

There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.

Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.

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When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.

So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!

Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.

So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?

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Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.

Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”

They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.

Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.

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That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.

 This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996

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The right mindset is everything

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This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years.  The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive. 

Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members.  FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition. 

Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament.  Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil. 

Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.

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There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries. 

The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran.  The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches.  The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay.  They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day. 

They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting.  Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.  

This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.

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Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

 There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it.  The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference. 

The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful.  They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it. 

Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.

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As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood.  Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them. 

We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country.  Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge.  God bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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