Relationship
Stop damaging your love life!
Sometimes, unknowingly, we are doing things that don’t positively impact our lives. These habits have a way of subconsciously seeping into our daily life so we don’t even realise that the fault might be our own. We always have someone else to blame for our failures. Possibly, you are doing a lot of things right, but one of these might be reducing your chances of being in a healthy relationship. If you are doing even one of the following, you need to stop right now!
Cutting yourself off from social interactions
If you are looking to meet someone while you stay inside a shell, waiting to be discovered, then I’m sorry to tell you that the chances of that happening are scarce. Life is no Disney movie. You need to put yourself out there. If you keep turning down every invitation, don’t indulge in group activities, excuse yourself from conversations; you are reducing the chances of ever meeting the one with some potential. The game rules are; you need to play if you want to win.
Settling for a temporary relationship
Many people choose to be with the wrong person over being alone. If you are settling for someone not suitable for you, killing time as you wait for the right one to come along, you need to burst this bubble. You will never meet your right match if you are stuck with the wrong one, and how do you even explore your options if you are not even a hundred per cent available, not without cheating on your present partner, of course. So be honest with yourself and your partner, and don’t settle for a mediocre relationship if that’s not what you were looking for.
Coming off as desperate
Remember that creepy guy/girl from college who was always found around you, not giving up any opportunity to talk to you? Think back to what a big turn-off it was, and even if they were a nice person, you always ran in the opposite direction because of how desperate they were. So, unless you are trying to attract that freak from college, be available but don’t appear too desperate. Be subtle in your approach, don’t lose your poise, and appear overly eager.
Being around people who are cynical about love
Do most of your friends have negative opinions about love and relationships and can’t stop going on and on about what a waste of time love is? If yes, you need to spend less time with them, else this negativity will affect you and your perspective towards love. It’s okay if they try to cheer you up from your recent break-up, but if this is who they are, you don’t want that kind of disapproval for love in your life. You may have had a couple of unsuccessful relationships, but that should not make you bitter about ever finding love again. How will you find something you don’t even believe exists, and by all means, love does exist? You just need to give yourself a chance to be accepting of it.
Overindulging in comfort food/drinks etc
You will never see an emotionally healthy person constantly drowning in their sorrows in comfort food, drinks, maybe even alcohol, etc. It’s okay to do it occasionally, but if you are always seen with a big bag of chips or can’t function without a bit of hash, this is a big turn-off. Nobody wants to be with a person who has labelled himself or herself as unhappy and emotionally unstable, and chances are if you keep up with this detrimental habit, very soon your physical health will start showing the signs too.
Having a negative mindset
Many people who have been single for a long time or have had unsuccessful relationships develop a pessimistic mindset. In this kind, even though you are open to dating, you know it’s going to be of ‘no use.’ If you keep having a hopeless outlook towards finding the right partner, this will be visible in all your social interactions, and your overall energy will be below. You won’t put in enough effort in building up a conversation because you think it’s a waste etc. Your perspective will affect your actions and how much you invest in communicating with someone.
Source: www.dreamyhub.com
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
