Relationship
Some helpful New Year’s resolutions for couples (final)
Endeavour to achieve your resolutions copy
[Continued from last week]
Look for solutions to arguments.
Do your arguments get heated? One of the ways that couples may exacerbate their disagreements is by bringing other topics into the conversation. Stay on point. Rather than allowing a small issue to blow up, look for a solution that works for both of you.
I often see couples argue the same points, It’s worth seeing if you are missing important issues. For instance, one friend’s partner is upset about coming to a messy home while the friend feels that he is being fussy. What she is missing is that they probably have different values. When she dismisses this value, he feels disrespected. The solution may be to work out a way the housework is easier for both of them.
Share your triumphs with them.
Picture the scene: Your manager calls you into their office and offers you a promotion. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for all year. You’re over the moon. Once you leave their office, who is the first person you text? It might be your parents or even your best friend. If you’re leaving your partner out of the loop, though, that could be a problem.
We can take our partners for granted or not share important information with them. If we don’t prioritise our partner, this will be destructive to the connection. It can leave it open for them to meet someone who is more interested in them.
Plan a vacation together.
When was the last time you and your partner got away from the hum-drum of everyday life? If you can’t recall your last break, call up the travel agents. Taking weekends away or breaks can help couples begin to love, laugh, and have sex again.
Of course, this needs to be done in a way that works for you. You could even take a break in your own home and plan walks, time in bed, a massage while turning off your phones. The message to your partner is clear: you are important to me. I know marriages that have become revitalised by weekends away.”
Find some mutual friends.
Date nights are all well and good, but sometimes you might prefer hanging out in a group setting. That’s where mutual friends slide neatly into your social life. Believe it or not, having a bunch of people who know you as a couple could strengthen your connection.
Couples can suffer from shame especially if there are any difficulties with family acceptance or feelings about not being good enough. But mutual friends can promote the best in you both. You have a certain energy as a couple and it can be healing to have that love appreciated and recognised.
Show some gratitude to each other.
Taking your partner for granted? If you’ve been together for a long time, you may forget to show how much you appreciate your other half. The daily grind, worries, and your hectic social life can all get in the way of letting your partner know that you value them.
You can start small. Even one specific appreciation expressed daily can change the atmosphere of your connection. Sure, you might not believe every word you’re saying at first, but give it time. “Try it out. Of course, this works better if you truly mean it but it’s always good to start the practice anyway.”
Let go of old grudges.
Out with the old, in with the new—that should be your mantra this year. If you’re holding on to grudges from previous years, do both yourself and your partner a favour. Figure out how you can let them go. Moving on isn’t always straightforward but it’s sure to enhance your bond.
Resentment pollutes the atmosphere between people. We often can’t simply forgive and may need to be heard by the other. Find a way of releasing past pain. You can start by getting in touch with your feelings and writing about them, seeing a counsellor, or expressing them to someone you trust.
Source: “http://www.brides.com”
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
The price of ‘I do’: Why money honesty is the real marriage insurance –Part 2
She did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number-not his-and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢ 40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counsellor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
How To Buy Your Marriage Insurance Today – My 5-Step Protocol
If you are engaged, newly married, or even 20 years in marriage, you can still fix this. At Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, this is what I give couples:
Step 1: The 90-Minute Money Naked Session.
No phones, no blame. Each partner writes down on paper: Monthly income, monthly debts, monthly family obligations, savings, and your biggest money fear. Then you exchange papers. Read it. Don’t react for 24 hours. Just absorb.
Step 2: Create OUR Money, YOUR Money, My Money.
You need three pots. OUR money for rent, food, school fees, utilities, properties, and the like— joint contribution. YOUR money and MY money—a small agreed allowance no one questions. This stops the feeling of being controlled.
Step 3: The No-Secret Debt Rule.
Agree from today: No new loan, no new hire purchase, no new family financial commitment above GHS 500 without telling each other first. Not permission, but information.
Step 4: Talk About Your Money Personality.
Are you a Spender or a Saver? Are you Risky or Safe? Most Ghanaian marriages are a Spender married to a Saver. Neither is wrong. But if you don’t understand your partner’s personality, you will call his saving “stinginess” and her spending “wastefulness.”
Step 5: Do a Monthly 30-Minute Money Date
Not an argument date. Light, with tea. “How did we do this month? What worried you? What should we plan for next month?” Couples who do this divorce far less.
My Final Word
Before you say “I Do” at the altar, have pre-marital counselling and also have the money talk on the sofa.
Ask your partner:
“If I lost my job today, how long can we survive?”
“What debt are you bringing into this marriage?”
“How much do you send to your family monthly and will that continue?”
If he or she gets angry that you asked, don’t get married yet. A person who is angry about accountability will be abusive about money.
Marriage insurance is not bought at Star Assurance or Enterprise. It is bought in honest conversations when no one is watching.
The wedding costs one day. The marriage costs a lifetime. Don’t enter a lifetime contract and covenant with hidden costs.
You can still insure your marriage today.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
SKIP THE QUEUE, TAP THE NEWS
You can now read the Ghanaian Times and The Spectator newspapers from the comfort of your device via TimesNewsPlus.
Buy Maps
Join our WhatsApp Channel: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbBElzjInlqHhl1aTU27
