Obaa Yaa
My husband keeps cheating Dear Obaa Yaa
My husband has cheated on me for more than 15 years and even after he promised me it was over, I found he was still paying the same woman for sex.
I am 48 and he is 53.
We have been married for 18 years and I have spent most of that time bringing up our now adult children alone.
After I discovered his affair four years ago, he promised me he had ended it but would remain friends with the woman.
I found out through their messages that even after their affair officially ended he still paid her for sex.
He is the breadwinner, and he has always kept his spending a secret and given me a tiny budget to run the house.
He goads me into having arguments so he can walk out and spend weekends with his lover.
I finally told his family how his behaviour was affecting me, but even then he tried to blame me.
Privately, he told me I should have left him if I felt so unhappy.
But he told his mum he loves me and wants our relationship to work.
I am not sure how I feel because he is still in denial and won’t admit to my face what he has done.
Celestina, Ashaiman.
Dear Celestina,
I am sorry for what you are going through in your marriage.You really do not deserve this treatment, considering the commitment and loyalty to your husband but I am hoping at the end of my write up, we would be able to get to the bottom of it and get a solution to your problem.
First of all, I would advise you to talk to your husband for the last time about his bad behaviour and give him options to choose you or the lady he is paying for sex.
Bring your grown up kids in when you confront him and let them talk to him. If after all he doesn’t stop, then leave him.
At age 54, you should be enjoying the fruit of your labour and not stressing or worrying about marital issues.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
