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Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 4)
Sarah and her two younger brothers attended Research School Complex, a fine school run by the research institutions in the Eastern Region. A brilliant child, she enjoyed school, and was always around the top of her class.
She loved her parents. Her mother made sure they lacked nothing. Her father was the easy going type. He was generally good to them, but he hardly spent much time at home. Her major problem was her parents’ continuous quarrels.
During those sessions, the children would recoil in front of the TV in their room till they fell asleep. Very often, they would wake up to hear them quarrelling. Up till she reached junior high, she and her siblings managed to live with the situation. But later on she would hear them exchange threats and insults which confused and scared her.
‘You are a useless man. You are lazy and incompetent at work. Your boss says he’s tired of complaining. He says if you don’t change you could lose your job’.
‘And you are a heartless and selfish woman. You only care about money and yourself. Why should you go and discuss me with my boss? ‘
‘You dare call me heartless and selfish, when I feed and clothe you and your children? You lazy man. Can you survive for a month if I don’t feed you? When was the last time you took care of any of your children’s expenses, school fees, food, clothing or books?’
‘At the very least I provided you with a home and respectability. Without me you would be living in shame. You would have been exposed for who you really are’.
‘If you dare repeat that brainless sentence, I will teach you a lesson you would never forget’.
‘There you go. Threats! Threats! Why are you always threatening me?’
‘I asked you to repeat that stupid statement once, and see what happens’.
‘Okay. I’m sorry. Look, this is not good for the kids. I’m going to town. Will be right back’. With that he dashed out of the door, into his car and noisily sped off.
Although Sarah usually excelled in academics, the turmoil at home was having an impact on her. The teachers noticed that she was withdrawn, and would sometimes break into tears with little or no provocation.
Ms Odame, an elderly English teacher, took an interest in her and, after Sarah had told her about the problems she was facing at home, spent any free time she got encouraging her. She realised that there was a deep seated problem behind the symptoms she was displaying. One morning, she took her out for lunch, and asked her the hard question.
‘Sarah, for some time now, I’ve been trying to encourage you, because you are a brilliant girl, even though you may be facing a few problems at home. Now Sarah, I want to do my best to help you, but I want you to try and tell me exactly what the problem is at home, and I will do my best to help you. I promise you that I won’t discuss this with your parents’. Without much hesitation she unburdened herself of the load she had been carrying.
‘My parents are always quarrelling. Most of the time it is about money. Mummy keeps saying that Daddy doesn’t give her money, but spends his money on going out with friends and girls.
She also says that he is not serious with his work, so he’s not gaining any promotion. But Daddy sometimes says something which infuriates Mummy. He says he has kept her secret and given her respect, so she should stop disturbing her.
Mummy would then say that the whole issue was Daddy’s making, that if she mentioned it again she would move us out and leave him destitute. He would usually get scared, and apologised. There would be peace for some time, then it would happen again’.
‘I see. I see. Now, Sarah, I want you to trust me on this. I will do my best to help you. Do your best not to dwell on this. Come to me whenever you need any help, but we will solve the problem very soon’.
Through her enquiries, she learnt that Madam Gladys Ababio taught for a while at Aboso Senior High School. She made further enquiries at the GES, and learnt that the current headmaster of the school had been teaching there for close to twenty years. She called him and booked an appointment, explaining that she wanted to make an enquiry about an issue that would help a student of hers who was currently troubled.
‘Thanks for agreeing to see me’, she said after she had been welcomed with a snack. ‘I will go straight to the point. I have a student in JHS three, a girl. She’s brilliant, but she’s troubled at home. She confided in me that her parents have been quarrelling continually, and they seem to be hiding a secret. The mother was a catering teacher here in this school’.
‘I believe I have your assurance that you will handle this information with care, since it concerns a minor’.
‘You have my fullest assurance, madam
‘.
‘You are talking about Gladys and David, who were my colleagues. I know them, very well. They separated soon after marrying, and Gladys married one Simon. David was a very popular French teacher. In fact, the school’s playground is named after him.
He left for Germany as soon as the marriage broke down. He’s back, doing big business. He has been doing a lot for the school, but he prefers not to be given any publicity.
Now, let me come to the main issue that has brought you here from Koforidua. Not long after David had married Gladys and was living with her, Simon appeared from America, and spent some time in a hotel with her.
This happened again some months later. David got wind of this, and decided to end the marriage and leave town. Gladys and her relatives begged and begged, but he wouldn’t budge. Then, obviously with the intent of punishing him for rejecting her, Gladys came out and told Monsieur that the baby, Sarah, was not his. Indeed, she had told him that she would teach him a lesson.
David was shattered, but his parents advised him not to fight Gladys over the issue, because she was quite strong-headed. They told him that the child would come back to him eventually, if she was truly his. So he left town. And Simon married Gladys.
‘I see. So Sarah is not Simon’s child’.
‘No way. Listen, Sarah was conceived before Simon appeared from nowhere. This was known to everyone at Aboso, because David was very popular, a great guy. I don’t know how Gladys can live with herself, after what she did’.
‘I don’t know how to thank you. I will go back and do my best for the child, without causing much trouble’.
By Ekow de Heer
In the pursuit of nurturing healthy, fulfilling relationships, we often focus on understanding our partners, communicating effectively, and navigating conflicts. However, a crucial element is frequently overlooked: self-awareness.
Understanding ourselves is the foundation upon which successful relationships are built. Imagine being in a relationship where every conversation feels like a minefield, and every disagreement leaves you wondering if you are truly understood.
Now, picture a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued—not because your partner has magically figured you out, but because you have taken the time to understand yourself. This is the transformative power of self-awareness in relationships.
What is Self-Awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is the capacity to reflect on ourselves, acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, and taking responsibility for our actions. With self-awareness, we are better equipped to manage our emotions, respond to situations more thoughtfully, and make informed decisions that align with our values.
How Self-Awareness Impacts Relationships
- Improved Communication:
When we are aware of our own emotions and needs, we can communicate them more effectively to our partner, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts. By recognising our tendency to become defensive in certain situations, we can take a step back, breathe, and respond more constructively. - Increased Empathy:
Self-awareness allows us to recognise and manage our own biases, enabling us to be more empathetic and understanding towards our partner’s perspective. By acknowledging our own emotional triggers, we can respond to our partner’s needs with more compassion. - Healthier Boundaries:
By understanding our own needs and limits, we can establish and maintain healthy boundaries, preventing codependency and resentment. Self-awareness helps us communicate our boundaries clearly and respectfully, fostering mutual respect in relationships. - Personal Growth:
Self-awareness fosters personal growth, enabling us to work on our flaws and become a better partner, friend, and individual. As we develop self-awareness, we become more resilient, adaptable, and better equipped to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and purpose.
Cultivating Self-Awareness
- Mindfulness and Reflection:
Regular mindfulness practices and self-reflection can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself. Schedule time for reflection, whether through journaling, meditating, or simply taking a quiet walk in nature. - Journaling:
Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can provide valuable insights into your motivations and behaviors. Reflect on your journal entries to identify patterns, gain clarity, and develop a greater understanding of yourself. - Seek Feedback:
Ask trusted friends, family, or a therapist at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) for feedback on your strengths and areas for improvement. Be open to constructive criticism and use it as an opportunity for growth and self-awareness. - Embrace Imperfection:
Recognise that nobody is perfect, and it is okay to make mistakes. This mindset allows you to approach self-awareness with kindness and compassion, fostering a more positive and growth-oriented relationship with yourself.
As we cultivate self-awareness, we embark on a journey of growth, discovery, and transformation. By understanding ourselves, we can build stronger, more resilient relationships, and live a more authentic, meaningful life. Self-awareness is not a destination; it is a continuous process of learning, growing, and evolving—and one that requires patience, kindness, and compassion towards ourselves and others.
In conclusion, self-awareness is the cornerstone of healthy, fulfilling relationships. By understanding ourselves, we can communicate more effectively, empathise with our partner, and cultivate personal growth. As we strive to build stronger relationships, let us prioritise self-awareness, embracing our true selves, and loving ourselves for who we are. By doing so, we will become better partners, friends, and individuals—capable of building more profound, lasting connections with others, and living a life that truly reflects our values and aspirations.
To be continued …
By Counselor Prince Offei
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ONE profession which society has battled with is prostitution. Prostitutes can’t be stopped in their tracks. Soldiers have tried, policemen have doubled and redoubled to keep them off the streets. But the prostitute is like the cockroach. Sack it from the kitchen and it moves to the toilet where it can enjoy self-contained facilities. Drive it away from there and it scurries to the bedroom to become the landlord.
Prostitutes can live on land and sea. They are mysterious and defy gravity, a feat—even birds of the air have not successfully accomplished. They can change form and appear as bar girls; they dress like students; act like scholars and speak Oxford English. They are also like the chameleon but once their clients can identify them, no problem. The Sikaman prostitute normally enters the business as an amateur, having been introduced by a professional or a caricature of a pimp. But she learns quickly.
In a short time, she is able to take any size without wailing, unless of course the size is “international”.
Prostitutes are of every tribe, height, weight, colour and notoriety. These days, some are well-schooled with diplomas and degrees. They enter into the world’s oldest profession due to factors ranging from poverty to nymphomania.
Most prostitutes in Sikaman are often not sophisticated in outlook and modus operandi. Often, they easily betray themselves with their gaudy appearance, over-painted faces, skimpy skirts, cigarette in hand, walking with that kind of bottom-wriggling gait that can instantly turn a devoted clergyman into a he-goat.
In developed countries like Spain, prostitution takes different forms. Apart from those you can grab from the cheap bars and ghettos for single night stands and those managed by shameless pimps, there are some who are organised by well-established syndicates and specialised agencies.
If you need a girl for the night, you only have to telephone an agency, describing the kind and breed you want—race, height, size, colour (chocolate?), rudeness, smoking type, strip-teasing, shyness, whatever.
You give your address and the girl on time. You pay by the hour and cost per hour can make you feel dizzy without falling down. You’ll still be steady for the showdown.
The girls have been trained to use tricks and communication skills to make their clients spend several hours without really doing anything. A typical prostitute will make you drink, chat at length (they are very knowledgeable), cook for you, bathe you and breast-feed you. That takes some three hours and you have to pay if you still want her services.
If you grow a bit wiser and protest, and insist vehemently that you are tired of being babied and want some real action now, she’ll do another hour of strip-tease and belly-dance by which time you’re either bored or charged to bursting point.
And finally you will do it but never without a condom. And the kind of condom she’ll give you can’t be torn by any knife around the globe, not even okapi. Before you’re finally through, you’ve got some five-hour helluva bill to pay. Next time round, you’ll think twice and go in for the cheap-side who’ll even allow you to do it without condoms if you are tired of living and want to die of AIDS.
In Sikaman, apart from those who operate from hotels and bars, some operate in private homes. The clients come and line-up, each with a hard-on. When the queue is not moving fast some begin to sweat because they have a very low sexual boiling point. If they are not ushered in quickly they can cause problems.
They’ll start grunting and stamping and can disrupt the peaceful and orderly procedure. As it were, such clients need priority attention so that they do not cause a riot and disturb the public peace.
Incidentally, prostitutes don’t like dealing with such clients because they are bad business. They have no biblical patience at all. They rush too much, and that was why a prostitute once asked a client whether he was a Russian because he rushed a bit too much and messed up things.
Prostitution in Sikaman has taken a new turn. Girls as little as sixteen are selling their bodies sometimes with the passive connivance of their mothers. When the girls go out at 9.00 p.m. and return at 3.00 a.m, their mothers let them in without asking questions. Next day, the house is properly fed from the proceeds of the night adventure and everybody is happy and nobody talks. If you talk, no breakfast for you tomorrow morning.
The police are doing quite a job trying to get them off the streets but they go and return just like the cockroach. Many of them are surely agents for the transmission of the AIDS virus because they permit clients to forgo the condom. They only have to pay extra for the “raw” service.
Now, the idea of legalising prostitution has been a very controversial one. If prostitutes can hardly be gotten off the streets since they are defiant and are now very many, why not legalise the profession, issue licences (not to kids), offer them health services and health education, teach them how to protect themselves and others from sexually transmitted diseases and then compel them to pay tax?
That would force children out of the trade because the legal operators will themselves force out the kids who will be competing with them. They would even assist the police to kick out the 15 and 16 year olds.
If a bad phenomenon cannot be wiped out, a way must be found to make it less and less harmless, so that while it doesn’t benefit society in any grand way, it does not also harm it.
Any suggestions?
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