Features
Looking twice at a lady
A FEMALE doctor has set new parameters for the definition of sexual harassment. A mortuary attendant commented on her buttocks and promptly got a letter from the management of the hospital. The attendant thought it was about wage increases.
It was when he read the letter that he realised that his seemingly harmless comment about the doctor’s powerful behind was being mistaken for sexual harassment.
But the hospital referred him to its Code of Ethics and stated it categorically that merely saying the doctor had big buttocks constituted sexual harassment, the consequence of which was summary dismissal.
The attendant has denied the charge of harassment, saying he was not referring to the doctor’s bottom but to that of a ward assistant with whom he is on very friendly terms.
CHRAJ is handling the matter, and I don’t quite know if the doctor and female ward assistant in question would be required to present their body frames as exhibits to aid in the final determination of the case.
Limits
This particular palaver is a real test case that would set the limits to what can be regarded as sexual harassment and what cannot be regarded as such.
I think in determining such limits, the Bible could be of help. Jesus is quoted as saying that if a man sees a lady and lusts in his heart for her, he has already committed adultery although he has not touched the woman.
Could this also be applied to sexual harassment such that a lady could press charges for sexual harassment if she could prove that a man, by his body language, lusted after her?
I hear some female groups have met and drawn up what constitute sexual harassment. One of them is that when you look at a lady in a certain way that suggests you admire her, you are in fact sexually harassing her.
Also when you look at a lady twice, then you must explain why. Why do you look at her, then turn round to look at her again? Such double sighting could lead to trouble for the beholder. So when you look at a lady twice, you quickly have to apologise for the second look and state that it was by mistake.
Does it, therefore, imply that when you look at a lady once you must ask her permission before you can look at her again?
“Taflatse, I have already looked at you once. Can I please have a second chance? I didn’t see the shape of your buttocks well the first time.” What a petition!
Purge
Well, Sikaman ladies have really started tightening the noose around the necks of the men. And pretty soon, men will be physically dragged to face justice to purge them of the sin of sexually harassment.
Believe me such men are in their millions. Some actually grab buttocks with five fingers, others grab breasts and others fondle. But the point of confusion is that some ladies enjoy the treat and even encourage it. Of course, others protest and scream to the high heavens.
So which one is sexual harassment? Is it only when the ladies protest or when they also enjoy it? The definition of sexual harassment must be very clear and unambiguous.
Now when women went to Beijing sometime in the 1990s, they came back with various strategies against men. Now marital rape is being crafted into a bill, so that when a man wants to have sex with his wife, he has to ask verbal or written permission, whichever is convenient.
If she doesn’t grant the permission, the man must go to sleep sad-faced. He is permitted to fume, but he can’t use force. If he does, he’d be hauled into the dock to face marital rape. If he doesn’t wind up at Nsawam, then of course, Akuse will be his resting place.
Now, can a woman be charged with sexually harassing a man? Legally, that is possible. If a woman, of mischief, or because she is on heat, decides to weigh your phallus, then you could report her to the police for sexual harassment.
The problem is whether or not the police will take such a case seriously. An amused policeman will tell you that if the woman wants it, why not give it to her? “This is foolish case!”
Freestyle
It is exactly like when a man goes to the police and reports that his wife has beaten him in a freestyle domestic brawl. The policeman at the charge office will look at his black eye and traumatised nose, and laugh.
“So you were standing there like a dummy and your wife beat you basaaa like this? Go back home, train hard so that next time you can put up a better show. How can a woman beat a man? As for this one, it is a foolish case.’’
“This article was first published on Saturday February 25, 2006
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Attention-Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often mistaken for laziness or indiscipline. In consulting rooms across Accra and in reports from school teachers, the pattern repeats: children who are bright but forgetful, parents who feel helpless, teachers who see incompleteness.
Research is clear-Barkley (2015) and others describe ADHD as a difference in the brain’s regulation of alertness, impulse and working memory, not a lack of effort.
The family’s role begins with structure. Regular sleep, predictable meal and homework times, and a simple visual list (uniform → books → water → corridor) provide the external scaffolding of these children need. Praise what is completed—“You opened the book and wrote the first sentence”-instead of rebuking what is missing.
Schools can help by seating the child front-row and centre, giving short written plus verbal instructions, allowing brief movement breaks, using quiet nonverbal cues and, where possible, grading effort and method as well as neatness. These adjustments reduce conflict and raise submission rates without lowering standards.
Couples and caregivers should share roles: one grounds, one pivots, and both protect rest. Shame-“bad parenting, bad child”-needs replacing with fact: different wiring, needs scaffolding.
Outcomes improve not by promises of perfection but by daily routines, clear limits and warmed connection. One homework slot kept, one instruction chunked, one calm repair after blurting-these small wins shift the family climate and let the child be seen beyond the label.
Resource
• CPAC (award-winning Mental Health and Counselling Facility): 0559850604 / 0551428486
Source: REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI’s insights on special needs support, relationships, and mental health in Ghana. He is a leading mental health professional, lecturer, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, renowned author, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE) – 0551428486 /0559850604.
WEBSITES:
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/author
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
After two weeks of hectic activity up north, I drove to the Tamale airport, parked the car at the Civil Aviation car park as usual, paid the usual parking fee and boarded the plane for Accra.
Over the last two weeks, I had shuffled between three sites where work was close to completion.
One was a seed warehouse, where farmers would come and pick up good quality maize, sorghum and other planting material.
The other was a health facility for new mothers, where they were given basic training on good nutrition and small scale business.
And the third was a set of big boreholes for three farming communities.
The projects usually ran on schedule, but a good deal of time was spent building rapport with the local people, to ensure that they would be well patronised and maintained.
It was great to be working in a situation where one’s work was well appreciated. But it certainly involved a lot of work, and proactivity. And I made sure that I recorded updates online before going to bed in the evening.
When the plane took off, my mind shifted to issues in Accra, the big city. The young guys at my office had done some good work. They had secured five or six houses on a row in a good part of the city, and were close to securing the last.
When we got this property, unusually, Abena greeted them casually, and appeared to be comfortable in the guy’s company.
I was quite disappointed to hear that, because until the last few weeks, it seemed as if Abena and I were heading in a good direction. Apart from the affection I had for her, I liked her family. I decided to take it easy, and allow things to fall in whatever direction.
Normally I would take a taxi to her house from the airport, and pick her up to my place. This time I went to my sisters’ joint, where they sat by me while I enjoyed a drink and a good meal.
“So Little Brother,” Sister Beesiwa said, “what is it we are hearing about our wife-to-be?”
“When did you conclude that she was your wife-to-be? And what have you heard? I’ve only heard a couple of whispers. Ebo and Nana Kwame called to say that they have seen her in the company of—”
“Well said Little Brother,” Sister Baaba said. “By the way, Nana Kwame called an hour ago to ask if you had arrived because he could not reach you. Someone had told him that Jennifer had boasted to someone that she had connected Abena to a wealthy guy who would take care of her.”
I was beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. So I think Jennifer fed her with false stories about me in order to get her to move to the Ampadu guy. Jennifer must have been well compensated for her efforts.
“In that case,” Sister Beesiwa said, “you should be glad that Abena is out of your way. She is easily swayed. Anyone who would make a relationship decision based on a friend’s instigation lacks good sense. I hope the guy is as wealthy as they say?”
“Who gets wealthy running a supermarket chain in Ghana?” Sister Baaba said. “Our supermarkets sell mostly imported products. Look at the foreign exchange rate. And remember that Ghanaians buy second-hand shoes and clothes. Supermarkets are not good business here. Perhaps they are showing off that they are wealthy, but in reality they are not doing so well.”
“Amen to that,” I said. “I’m beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. So I think Jennifer fed her with false stories about me in order to get her to move to the Ampadu guy. Jennifer must have been well compensated for her efforts.”
She said that David Forson was only an agricultural extension worker in the north who did not have the resources to take care of a beautiful girl like her. And apart from being wealthy, the guy comes from an influential family, so Abena had done much better leaving a miserable civil servant like you for him.
“Amen to that,” I said. “I’m beginning to understand. For some time, Abena had been asking me what work I was doing up north, and after I had explained it to her, she kept asking. We would be able to sell all five houses to one big corporate customer, and we had already spoken to a property dealer who was trying to find a buyer in order to get a good commission.
That was going to be my biggest break. I had asked the boys to look for a large tract of land on the outskirts of the city where we could develop our own set of buildings, blocks of storey houses and upscale apartments. Things were going according to plan, and I was quietly excited. However, things were not going so well regarding my relationship with Abena.
My buddies Ebo and Nana Kwame had called to say that they met Abena and her friend Jennifer enjoying lunch with a guy, and Ebo believed that Jennifer was ‘promoting’ an affair between Jennifer and the guy. They were of the view that the promotion seemed to be going in the guy’s favour, because only an agricultural extension worker in the north who did not have the resources to take care of a beautiful girl like her.
And apart from being wealthy, the guy comes from an influential family, so Abena had done much better leaving a miserable civil servant like you for him.
“As I’ve already said, I will stop by her place, but I will mind my own business from now. Hey, let’s talk family. How are our parents? And my brothers-in-law? And my nephews and nieces? Why don’t we meet on Sunday? I’m going to drop my bags at my place, and go to see Mama and Dad.”
