Features
Is apology necessary in one’s life?

Can you apologise for something you did not do for the sake of peace? This is a vital question on the Facebook wall of Jef Carter Senior. Days after this blog was posted on his wall, there have been interesting and divergent views from numerous followers of the page. Some did not recognise the need to apologise for something you did not do just for peace to prevail while others felt that in order to allow a sleeping dog to lie peacefully, there is the need to say sorry.
EXCHANGES WITH COLLEAGUE JOURNALIST
I had some exchanges with my colleague journalist and a friend, Doreen Hammond, the current editor of the Mirror newspaper on this particular issue. While I felt that at certain times, situations demanded that one should say sorry even though that person was not the cause of a problem to ensure peace, my sister disagreed and differed with me totally. Her argument was that she was very accommodative, but that should not mean that she should apologise for what she had not done. As she put it, “I let a lot of things slide and tolerate a lot but why that? So, I should for example, apologise for assaulting someone when I haven’t”, she asked. I went further to draw her attention to the fact that she was comparing two different scenarios explaining to her that assault was something physical which even if committed indoors between couples, demanded an arbitration because of the physical injuries involved, and that was different from insulting each other verbally and other mere offences, but my colleague would never budge. Of course, we are all entitled to our opinions and we have to accept it like that.
APOLOGY AND WHAT IT ENTAILS
Since this topic is so interesting and thought-provoking, I have decided to use my column to discuss into detail, the essence of rendering an apology and what the act of doing that means to people and society in general in order to ginger up divergent opinions and views to advance the course of progress,
Apology in clear terms as explained in the dictionary, is something that you say or write in order to tell someone that you are sorry that you have hurt them or cause trouble to them. It is, therefore, an act of showing remorse and regretting for something you have done a person, group of people, as well as establishments. It is not a shame to tell a person you are sorry if you know deep down your heart that you have offended him or her and regret for your action.
APOLOGY REPAIRS RELATIONSHIP
Rendering an apology helps repair relationship by getting people to talk to each other or one another following some misunderstanding and makes them feel comfortable with each other again. A sincere apology that comes from the heart allows you to know that you are not proud of what you did and, therefore, will not repeat that same behaviour. It does not matter if we hurt someone intentionally or accidentally, we have to take responsibility and apologise sincerely. By owning up our mistakes, we have the chance to rebuild trust or validate experiences and heal wounds. When we refuse to take ownership or responsibility, we ignore the consequences of our actions and lessen the safety of the relationship and ultimately deepen the hurt.
IS IT IMPORTANT TO SAY SORRY?
One may ask this question; Is it important to say sorry? The answer is hundred times yes and it is important to do so. Depending on how much you harmed, hurt or offended the person, it can be very important, recognising though that an apology is not enough because it does not repair the damage or absolve you from the consequences of your action. However, if you genuinely regret what you did, then saying so to the person you harmed is a good start. There is the need for one to take responsibility for what he or she did and do what is necessary to make things better. Saying that you are really sorry, merely shows that, you are for the rest of it. The fact is, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t mean it or if you are not prepared to back it up with any meaningful action, otherwise you will defeat the essence of the apology which then becomes meaningless.
APOLOGY IN MARRIAGES
For instance, couples who are courting for marriage, find life interesting or pleasing, forward looking and enjoyable in their relationship with little or no problem to manage because of the intense love and affection for each other. However, if they enter into real marriage, blessed and sealed through the Marriage Ordinance Act which becomes lawful, there the problem starts at times when they move to their matrimonial homes to start life afresh. Some go to the extent of insulting and abusing each other, at times more physically, resulting in physical injuries. As a result of some of these needless infractions, in marriages, you see the bride running for cover at their parents’ abode, forgetting the vows they took ‘For Better for Worse’ in the cause of their marriage.
In real terms in marriage life, it is during this stage that the couples must realise that they need to apply the essence of apology to resolve their grievances in order to stay intact and for their marriage to flourish. There is no need for any blame game whatsoever and one of them must sacrifice by saying sorry to the other so that they can move on in their marriage. It is only in a matter of physical attack on each other that demands an arbitration from external sources. Even in such cases, they need to recognise their shortcomings and mistakes and say sorry to each other.
It is a fact that, we at times struggle to overcome our pride which is not healthy and the best way to go. Sometimes, it is very important to express remorse and say sorry for the little thing or infraction to strengthen our relationship with each other or one another.
APOLOGY IN EMPLOYMENT
In the case of employment where an employee goes contrary to the rules of an establishment, he or she must own up to the management of the establishment and apologise sincerely for the infraction, even if he or she is served with a query to answer. Management must also tamper justice with mercy and accept the apology of the employee if the offence is not grievous and can be managed.
It is also important for friends and other relations to cultivate the habit of apologising by saying sorry when they offend one another so that peace can prevail. Taking intransigent positions and actions, can lead to bad situations that may be regretted later.
Yes, like my colleague argued it out, she cannot own up and apologise for something she did not do. She cannot be faulted for saying so. However, in certain situations which call for peace, if apology will lead to that cause, why can we not say so, to bring about that needed peace.
The Holy Scripture tells us that, sometimes, we might offend or sin against friends and family members and if this happens, Christians are to confess our sins to God and apologise to that person. Everything we do must be sincere. A true friend would fix their relationship with others instead of keeping pride and stubbornness in their hearts. Don’t let guilt linger in your heart. Go and apologise and make things right.
I will end this piece by quoting from the Holy Bible, Mathew 6:15 which states that, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father in Heaven will not forgive you your sins”.
Contact email/WhatsApp of author: ataani20002yahoo.com
0277753946/0248933366
BY CHARLES NEEQUAYE
Features
Cry my beloved Ghana
Someone said, if we cannot plan for an occurrence as predictable as the annual rains, then what else can we plan for as a country? God has caused nature to schedule rains for specific periods or months within the year and everybody knows this.
One need not be a meteorologist to tell that the rains will fall in May and June every year. Any serious person who has something that the rains can affect, would therefore plan taking into consideration the likelihood of the rains falling. Therefore to find out that a whole country like ours, had not planned effectively, is mind-boggling.
The report by the World Bank that fiscal policy measures by the Finance Minister has led to no money being released for the World Bank sponsored project to deal with the perennial flooding situation in Accra, is so disappointing. The fact that this contributed immensely to the flooding in Accra, is an understatement.
There have been fires in our markets, but who is checking the wiring on a regular basis as a system designed to prevent future outbreaks? The occurrence of fires in our markets is something that must engage the attention of government and all the stakeholders.
The causes may be several but if a system of proper fire prevention is in place, l believe the number of occurrences will be drastically minimised. Electrical wiring for instance has been found to be one of the causes of market fires. Fire as we know from the experts, can only happen if these three things are present, namely source of heat, combustible material and oxygen i.e. air.
lf any one of these is missing, there will be no fire. It has been realised that heat generated in wires have caused fires in the past and therefore, an effective system must be put in place to ensure that, only certain approved qualified electricians, can execute wiring jobs in our markets instead of the current situation where different electricians execute wiring with different types of wires, of different quality, dimensions etc.
Preventive inspections schedule must also be put in place to endure compliance with uniform wiring standard, as well as adherence to expiry dates of the wires.
What baffles me is why some MCEs and DCEs are still at post while things are deteriorating in their areas of influence and yet the President or the Minister for Local Government seems to be unwilling to relieve them of their positions. People have lost their lives, official count is about 37 lives, properties worth millions of Ghana Cedis have been destroyed, people’s livelihoods have been destroyed and they are at ground zero.
We can go on and on and on about the devastating impact of the recent floods. Suddenly, we have these local authority heads, all over the place, demolishing buildings after the flood. Is this not insanity? Where were the LUPSA Engineers who issue permits at the local assemblies?
If they were doing their jobs, for which they are paid every month, they would have seen people constructing structures at Ramseyer sites. They would have seen people putting up structures very close to the bank of streams or rivers and could have enforced the regulations, which could have averted the level of impact on lives and property.
One particular issue which drives me crazy is the Kasoa to Mallam Junction stretch of the N1. The traffic jam between West Hills Mall and Weija Junction is due to the flooding of a place called Ataala. Anytime it rains heavily, the area floods and vehicles moving from West Hills towards Weija cannot use their normal lane but are forced to switch to the inner lane of those headed towards West Hills Mall from Weija and it did not start yesterday. I am so, so disappointed. God Bless.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
Features
The palaver of daily chop money

The romance between man and wife ends where chopmoney palaver begins. When the man is leaving for work and the woman’s face looks like a rainy day, anyone can guess that the chop money delivered is quite below sea level.
But when she smiles too broadly for comfort and waves her husband goodbye zealously, it means the man did not only perform well under the cover of darkness but also dished out the correct amount of chop money.
The typical matrimonial home is a complex one. Many factors contribute to fuelling or preventing occasional civil wars. When Pyram became a household word, some husbands and wives put heads together, went borrowing, sold their belongings and invested in the sham scheme.
When Pyram collapsed, many marriages got shattered beyond repair. Wives blamed their husbands and husbands complained about nagging wives. In a few instances, punches were traded. Crises could not be managed as debts soared and creditors wanted back their money.
Chop money grew slim. Only Mr Kofi Annan could negotiate a truce between warring partners as daggers were drawn. The Pyram palaver brought more woes to Sikaman than the joy it was supposed to bring.
Many women have died from distress and frustration. All their resources which were joyfully invested in the scheme cannot be retrieved.
“Today, the Government says it cannot use taxpayers’ money to pay those who lost various sums of money to the two money-doubling banks Pyram and Resource 5000 Ltd. “We told you not to take your monies there and you didn’t listen. Paddle your own canoe, or canoe your own paddle,’ says the Sikaman government.”
The chop money palaver in Sikaman is getting heady. People are citing chop money problems for their offences. The newspapers report of a man who allegedly injected his three-week-old daughter with DDT because the wife was disturbing him with chop money matters too much. He is being tried by the courts.
Some women claim they abandoned their babies because their fathers refused to offer chop money. So when they dump the babies in the latrine, they are relieved of any burden. Looks like maternal instincts are withering out of mothers. These are indeed times when mothers no longer love their children because of chop money palaver.
Stomach capacity
The amount of chop money a father gives out each day, week or month depends on the family size and the stomach capacity of each family stomach. Members of some families are very light eaters and little is spent on food. But for other families where some members have ‘double chambers’ the food budget requires additional funds.
Indeed, in some families, members have natural appetite for food whether or not they take peters (bitters). And when food isn’t enough, there can be an uprising against constituted domestic authority, the family equivalent of the Guinea Bissau rebellion.
Yes, where one person can eat four balls of kenkey and cry for more, but is given only two balls, he can get angry and start breaking louvres.
The chop money size also depends on the level of nutrition typical of each family. Some families believe in the third world theory that QUANTITY is better than QUALITY. The bigger the banku and the smaller the fish, all the better for Ghanaians. Yes quantity, not quality. Such families stock maize in bags.
Those who believe in quality spend much on vegetables, meat and fish and therefore spend more, but it is worth it because they are healthier and stronger. They also spend on fruits and are averse to the “quantity supremacy” theory.
The problem with chop money issues is that when the correct amount is not flowing, the women think the men are misapplying their salaries in overt pleasures. They accuse their husbands of drinking too much bitters and burukutu, and they can prove the accusation using a formula. They only have to smell the breath of their partners. The fuse can be great!
One woman told her neighbour when her husband comes back home drunk, he behaves like a walking distillery, swaggering like a drunken sailor. You’d think he has been baptised with raw akpeteshie or immersed in the stuff. Her only compliment was that in spite of his alcoholic status, the guy could perform. That is Viagra or no Viagra.
Women also accuse men of chasing other women in the same manner as a he-goat does. Half their salaries cannot be accounted for as a result, they claim. So when the chop money isn’t at least at sea-level, they must protest either noisily or stage a sit-down strike.
Domestic sit-down strikes by wives can cause problems. When a man takes full quarter and is expecting a wonderful dinner with soup and its accompaniments and comes to meet an empty table and a brooding woman, he can go berserk. The clash can be worse than a plane crash.
As it were, it all requires patience to make a marriage last, chop money or not.
This article was first published on Saturday, July 11, 1998




