Relationship
How to stop things from bothering you
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Identify the situation.
The easiest way to solve a problem is to identify what the problem is. Break the problem down into an easily manageable sentence that will let you clearly define what you’re experiencing.
Identify what you’re feeling and why.
You can’t effectively defuse an emotion if you don’t understand what you’re feeling. Are you angry, sad, disappointed, and frustrated? What feelings are at the root of the thing that is bothering you? Understanding what you feel allows you to employ strategies that work for you to deal with those feelings
Look for the facts of the situation.
Emotions often cloud our ability to see the truth. It’s difficult to see our role in a situation when we are too angry or frustrated to examine the situation. The great thing about facts is that they don’t require you to have any feelings about them. They simply are or are not, which makes them an ideal anchor to keep yourself grounded when trying to sort through your problem.
Ask yourself, “What is my responsibility for the situation?”
It’s necessary to consider what role you might have played in whatever the situation was. Did you do anything to cause it? Did you throw fuel on the fire and make it worse? What responsibility is yours for what happened? This is a valuable step for defusing interpersonal conflicts because the actions of other people are often driven by what’s going on in their minds.
Feel what you need to feel and then let it go.
Things are going to bother you from time to time. There is no avoiding it. It is reasonable and healthy to experience negative emotions when bad or unexpected things happen in your life. Negative emotions are what spur us on to take better actions and improve our situation. If you don’t like the way a situation makes you feel, that is your brain telling you that you need to do something to change your circumstances.
Take action.
Negative emotions serve a valuable function in that they are telling you to take action. Your brain is telling you, “I don’t like this. Do something about it.” And though we cannot control the things that happen to us in our life, we can always control how we respond.
Be kind to yourself
Even the best-laid plans can be blown apart by completely unexpected circumstances. It’s always a possibility that we must accept as we try to preserve our peace and happiness in life. Don’t be surprised if it takes a while to make this style of thinking into a habit. It’s a challenging skill to develop.
The good news is that it gets easier the more you do it. The more you do it, the fewer things will bother you overall. You just have to keep applying yourself and working at it until it becomes natural for you.
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1. Talk early and often
It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.
2. Go to the orientation
If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.
3. Meet the teacher
For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.
4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons
In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.
5. Take your kids shopping with you
Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.
6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations
At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.
7. Practice your new routine
Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.
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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.
1. Meet with the teacher and staff early
Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.
2. Help the teacher get to know your child.
Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.
3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.
Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.
4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.
If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class.
5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.
Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.
6. Participate in school events.
Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.
7. Say “thank you.”
Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.
