Features
Borla Man — Part Two
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‘But, er… I don’t even know your name.’
‘Paul. Paul Allotey. I’m Sarah, by the way. Paul, why don’t you leave me here, since this is the last important thing I’m doing today?’
‘Okay. Now Sarah. I was just thinking. You will be here at the café for about an hour. By then it will be about twelve thirty. Then, you would be thinking of buying yourself some lunch, to eat here or to take home. So if you would please allow me, I will take you to one of the nicest eating places in town, and after you have sorted that one out, then I can drop you home. Just that one errand, then I won’t bother you again.’
‘You are not bothering me at all. You are being very kind to me. And I just realised you are a mind reader too. The last item on my agenda was lunch.’
‘I’m so glad I appeared at your doorstep, just in time.’
‘Okay. Now Paul, since you say the café is a comfortable place, let’s go in together, and you can do your work while I get my application done.’
‘Okay, Sarah. Thanks. Let’s go.’
We got back in the car at eleven forty-five.
‘So where are we going, Paul?’
‘To Royalty Restaurant. It’s a twenty-minute drive away.’
‘So, do you enjoy your job?’
‘Most certainly. I won’t change it, not even to be President. And am I right to say that you are preparing to enter the university?’
‘That’s my plan. I hope it works.’
‘It will, if you are determined and disciplined. You look very much like a disciplined person.’
‘Thank you very much.’
We arrived at Royalty in twenty-five minutes.
‘You are joining me for lunch, Paul?’
‘Thanks for the honour, Sarah. But the bill is on me.’
‘Aren’t you taking on too much for one day?’
‘I never do anything that is bigger than me, Sarah.’
Over the next hour and a half, we discussed fashion, local and international politics, and sports, as we ate and relaxed. Finally, he drove me to the shop.
‘I will never forget you, Paul.’
‘I’m glad to have been helpful. But if you don’t mind, I’ll say it again, your husband is extremely lucky. You are really beautiful.’
‘Thanks again. But do you mind if I call you sometime in the future?’
‘Certainly not. Let me write it here. I will not ask for your number, for obvious reasons. But I will be looking forward to hearing from you. And hopefully, I will see you next month, when I call to drop your bill.’
I got home by seven. I went straight to the bedroom, stood in the mirror, and took a good look at myself.
‘You are a very beautiful woman, Sarah. Never forget that.’ I will not forget that again.
Over the next several weeks, Martin and I had very little to do with each other. In the morning he ate his breakfast and after a shabby, ‘I’m going,’ he left. He came home around eight at the earliest, ate his dinner, and, already soaked in beer, went off to sleep.
He spent the greater part of the weekends at the clubhouse with his friends, playing tennis and partying. My mind was focused on furthering my education, so I didn’t complain to him, and didn’t bother to inform my parents about what was happening. I had decided that I would only take action if he lifted his hand against me again. I spent my free time reading all manner of interesting stuff on the internet, and chatting with my sister on WhatsApp.
One evening, he came home at about eight, rushed to the bedroom, and rushed out. An envelope, obviously containing money, dropped out of his pocket, and I picked it up and followed him. I was going to call him and give it to him, but I noticed that there was a young woman in the car, so I went back in, counted it, and put it in a drawer in the hall. He came back after some ten minutes.
‘Excuse me, I dropped an envelope containing money. You must have seen it.’
‘Yes, I saw it. Actually, I followed you, and was about to call you and hand it over when I realised there was a woman in the car, so I came back in. I counted it—one thousand cedis.’
‘Well, let me have it. I have to be going.’
‘I will let you have it if you tell me who the woman in the car is, and why you are going to give her that amount of money.’
‘Listen, if you waste my time, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Give me the money now!’
‘Here’s what we will do, Martin. I know you will give money to her anyway, so I will give it to you if you withdraw the threat you just issued. But I want you to know that I will be taking some steps from tomorrow. Things are getting out of hand.’
‘Okay, I’m sorry I threatened you. Can you please give me the money?’ I handed it over to him, and he ran out.
The following morning, I waited for him to finish having breakfast and told him I wanted to have a word with him urgently.
‘You better be quick. You know I’m going to work.’
‘Well, my daughter. I’m not going to say “I told you so.” I was only trying to protect you. So here’s what we’ll do: continue doing the best you can, and try not to give him any excuse to harm you. But if things continue to deteriorate, I will take you back.’
A couple of days later, my cousin Dinah arrived in Accra from Brussels, having completed her medical course. With Martin’s agreement, I went to Koforidua and spent a couple of days. I spent most of the time chatting about her experiences in the US, but we also discussed my relationship with Martin, and she endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if Martin’s behaviour did not change after two weeks.
Dinah returned with me to Takoradi. Her plan was to spend a couple of weeks and return to Accra to be posted. I called Paul Allotey, and asked if he would meet her for lunch and, if possible, show her some interesting spots. Delighted, he suggested that we meet at Royalty the next day. I told Martin about it, to remove any possibility of future disagreement over ‘going out with men.’
‘It’s fine with me, if, of all the people who could show your sister round this town, you chose a borla man. Doesn’t that indicate the kind of person you are?’
‘First of all, Martin, I’ve spoken to him a few times, and he comes across as a decent guy, so I think it is rather unfortunate that you are writing him off when you don’t know him.’
By Ekow de Heer
Features
Understanding women’s emotionsProofreadUnderstanding women’s emotionsProofread
The emotional lives of women are deep and complex. They are shaped by biology, the brain, and how women interact with the world around them. While everyone feels emotions, science shows unique patterns in how women process and express them.
1. How the brain and body work
Emotions are not just feelings in the mind. They are physical processes controlled by the brain and body:
Connected brain halves: Studies show that women often have strong connections between the left and right sides of the brain. This helps women link logic with intuition and feelings very quickly.
Strong memories: The brain’s emotional centre helps women remember emotional events with vivid detail. This builds strong gut feelings and helps women learn from past experiences.
Hormone changes: Hormones like estrogen and progesterone change throughout the month. Estrogen can boost good moods and energy, while progesterone can cause calmness or quiet reflection. These shifts are natural physical responses.
2. Empathy and connection
Women often show high levels of empathy and social skill:
Mirror neurons: People have brain cells called mirror neurons that let us feel what others feel. Research suggests these networks help women deeply sense and understand the emotions of people around them.
The “Tend-and-Befriend” Response: When stressed, men often react with fight or flight. Women often use a “tend-and-befriend” response. Driven by bonding hormones, women are wired to care for others and seek support from friends and community during hard times.
3. Society and expectations
Society also shapes how women express their feelings:
Different rules: Girls are often taught to be nurturing and expressive. However, society sometimes judges women harshly if they show anger or act too assertive at work. This forces women to balance their true feelings with outside expectations.
Emotional labor: Women often carry the weight of keeping families and workplaces happy. While this builds strong bonds, it can also lead to tiredness if they do not take time for themselves.
4. Resilience and Intuition
These biological and social factors give women great emotional strength:
The Power of Sharing: Many women are good at processing sadness, joy, and love by talking with others. This helps them heal and grow.
Listening to intuition: “Woman’s intuition” is real. It is not magic; it is the brain quickly putting together past experiences, physical clues, and deep observations into a clear gut feeling.
Conclusion
Women’s emotions are a powerful and sophisticated system. They are driven by brain science, body chemistry, and deep empathy. Understanding these systems helps us see the vital role women play in building strong relationships and communities.
By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson
Features
Confronting newborn abandonment in Ghana: When a cry for help is heard in a dustbin – Part 2

The root causes: It is never just one reason
My years of counselling at CPAC show me abandonment is rarely an act of malice. It is the tragic endpoint of seven overwhelming distresses:
1. Severe maternal mental illness —The hidden emergency
a) Clinical Postpartum Depression (PPD): This is far beyond “baby blues.” It is a severe mood disorder that can appear weeks to months after birth. Due to a massive drop in hormones, extreme sleep deprivation, and emotional exhaustion, the mother feels deep sadness, worthlessness, and complete emotional numbness towards her baby. Picture: A new mother sits by her bed all day, staring blankly. Her baby cries for hours, but she cannot lift her hands to carry the baby. She whispers, “This baby would be better off without me.” She does not hate the baby; she feels she has completely failed as a mother.
b) Peripartum Psychosis (Postpartum Psychosis): This is a psychiatric emergency. Rare but extremely dangerous, appearing suddenly within the first 2-3 weeks after delivery. The mother completely loses touch with reality. She hears commanding voices telling her to abandon the baby, or believes the baby is possessed by an evil spirit or is a “spirit child” who will bring a curse. Picture: A mother genuinely believes she heard a voice saying, “Leave this child at the crossroads at midnight or your family will die.” She abandons the baby not out of hatred, but because her broken mind believes she is obeying a higher spiritual order to save her family.
c) Pre-existing untreated Schizophrenia: This is a chronic, severe mental disorder that existed before the pregnancy. The stress of pregnancy and labour shatters her fragile coping. She suffers from paranoid delusions — believing people want to poison her and the baby — flat affect (zero facial expression), and grossly disorganised thinking, making it impossible to plan how to feed or clean a baby. Picture: A young woman whose family called her illness “spiritual attack” instead of taking her for medication wanders away after delivery, completely forgetting she even gave birth, leaving the infant behind.
2. Extreme socio-economic deprivation: For many girls in some parts of Ghana such as Kasoa, Madina, or Bekwai, poverty is not a statistic; it is a daily panic. No money for antenatal care, no money for hospital delivery, no money for baby diapers or formula. When a mother cannot feed herself, the thought of feeding another mouth feels impossible. Some mothers say, “I left her where someone richer would find her, because I could not watch her starve to death in my hands.” It is a distorted act of survival.
3. Intense societal stigma and shame: In Ghana, pregnancy outside marriage, teenage pregnancy, or pregnancy from rape can bring extreme family rejection. The girl is called “spoilt,” beaten, banned from church, or sacked from school. The fear of bringing shame to the family name is heavier than the fear of police. So she hides the pregnancy for 9 months, delivers alone, and abandons in secret to protect her family’s “honour.”
4. Paternal abandonment — The Man Who Ran Away: Behind almost every abandoned baby is a man who vanished. He says, “It is not mine,” or “Abort it,” and switches off his phone. The mother is left utterly isolated — no emotional, financial, or social support. She is criminalised alone, but the abandonment started with him. Psychological research shows paternal denial is one of the strongest predictors of maternal panic and newborn abandonment.
5. Substance abuse disorders: Alcohol, tramadol, and other drug addiction impair the brain’s executive functioning — the ability to plan, judge consequences, and process emotions. A mother struggling with addiction may give birth in a highly intoxicated or withdrawal state, unable to comprehend the needs of the newborn, leading to neglect and eventual abandonment.
6. The spirit child cultural phenomenon and superstition: In some remote pockets of Northern Ghana and even in few parts of Central and Ashanti regions, public health research shows babies born with congenital deformities, severe disabilities, or whose mothers die in childbirth are branded as “spirit children” or cursed. In extreme instances, families, under cultural pressure, mandate that such babies be exposed or abandoned at shrines or bushes. This is not mental illness, but a harmful cultural belief system that still kills.
The invisible wounds
On the baby: Risk of death from hypothermia, sepsis, and infection. Survivors suffer Anaclitic Depression and Failure to Thrive due to lack of touch. As adults, they battle Reactive Attachment Disorder, chronic mistrust, and identity crisis — “Why did my mother leave me in a dustbin?”
On the mother: Lifelong hidden grief, intense guilt, chronic PTSD, depression, and elevated suicide risk. A prison cell does not heal this.
On the nation: Overburdened orphanages like Osu Children’s Home, draining health budgets, and overworked Social Welfare officers.
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