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A horrifying encounter with a terrible woman

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Wherever there is darkness, evil thrives. Load-shedding had brought darkness to Sika­man and the rate of sin has gone up dramatically. When I caught a young man practically working up a young girl in the dark near my home around midnight, I knew the effects of load shedding were becoming far-reaching.

Kwame Alomele tall and halt naked suddenly burst onto the scene guess the lovers became frightened by my height and apparent size and before I could say Jack the horrified forni­cators had taken off like Olympic athletes. Perhaps they thought I was the latest ghost in town.

In fact I couldn’t sleep that night because of the heat: it was when I came out almost naked to get some breeze that I saw the human dogs moaning excitedly.

At first I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. And I am not used to watching such live performances. The problem is that I am a born-again Christian. Any-how before I could come to terms with the goings-on of the orgiastic ceremony, there was a sudden ruffle and then the quick shuffling of feet almost simultane­ously didn’t know girls could also run that fast.

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I am pretty sure they were damn scared and would never try it again around my territory. It is dangerous territory. You wouldn’t know when Kwame Alomele will appear in white and cause horror and panic.

Apart from the unbearable heat one has to face on load-shedding nights, you are also denied cold drinks. These days some of us have to pick a taxi to non-load-shedding areas to chill. It was last week Saturday when I made one such trip, and what an experience it was.

I was chilling contentedly and enjoying the breeze when a young woman of about 28 walked slowly and came to my table. I looked up at her and waited for her to talk. She said nothing.

“Are you looking for me?” I asked.

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“I thought you were my brother who said I should meet him here. He looks exactly like you.”

“I see, look around, maybe he is hanging around somewhere in that corner,” I told her.

She looked around with disinterest and said her brother was nowhere around. I expected her to re-trace her steps and walk off. She didn’t.

Instead she said, “Well, once I haven’t seen my brother, I might as well sit here with you”. She sat down and smiled at me. I looked at her, examining her features carefully to make sure I was not dealing with any common ghost. She asked for a drink and I asked her to pick it up herself at the counter.

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She stood up and while walking to the counter, she dangled her weighty buttocks. I was impressed.

She came back with a bottle of Guinness. “As for me, I don’t like drinking,” she declared. A little Guinness or malt is all I take. But I must confess that I want to spend the night with you that’s why I am here. I like your structure-thick tall. Are you a prince?

I was amused I wasn’t even a neph­ew of an Odikro much more becoming a prince. I took my drink quietly and she talked on. Knowing she was a prostitute, I feigned interest in her just to keep up the conversation.

How much do you charge for full night? I asked.

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Charge? I don’t charge, I am not a prostitute. When you sleep with me, whatever you give me, I take.”

“I am not a greedy person believe me. Well I said, “I am really not in the mood today. You can meet here tomorrow same time and we’ll go and have a nice time. Do you know any hotels around? “Plenty! But I want to sleep with you tonight,” am really in love with you.”

Not tonight, No way! I am sleeping with you tonight by force,” she said emphatically and aggressively.

I became alarmed. What did she mean? Was she going force me into bed? Not Kwame Alomele, no matter how honey I become.

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“Well, you know something, “I proposed, “I know you are only after the money. So you get this ¢2,000 and leave me alone.”

“Who told you I want money?” she asked me. I want money alright but I also want to have sex tonight. I feel for you. I know a hotel around the cor­ner. Please, hurry with your drink and let’s go.”

“I am not interested,” I said. “I don’t know you from anywhere: how can I sleep with you? You may even be a ghost.” She laughed aloud.

“A ghost? She asked soon after. “If you see a ghost you can’t recognise it? Well I am not a ghost. I am a darling. If you say you are not in the mood for sex, I can do something to help you. I’ll buy two raw eggs, mix it with condensed milk for you to take. You’ll never stop coming. You can go four rounds.”

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I was quite fascinated with her brand of sex therapy. She might have studied a very crude form of bio­chemistry and wanted to apply on Kwame Alomele. Wallahi

I finished my drink, got up to leave and she got up quickly and followed me. Close markings! I told her I’ll pick a taxi home and she responded by saying we were not going home but to a hotel. “You’ll like the style I’ll display for you.

You’ll forget about your wife for good; if you like let’s bet.”

I realised I was in trouble. I started watching out for a taxi that would have only one vacant space at the back so that I could leave without her. She realised my intention and cautioned. “I’ll drag you out if you want to leave me behind; if you like try.

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I now had to use my wits to get away from the evil woman who was as tall as myself. I couldn’t underrate her strength. In fact she had muscles and I guess I was in for it. Moreover I didn’t want her to create a scene.

Craftily I told her I had changed my mind and that I was prepared to go to the hotel with her after all. I’d look for an empty taxi so that we could start the romance in the back seat to precede the actual show­down, I told her.

She was glad. She drew closer to me. Oh my dear. She crooned. “I knew you were going to agree. You only wanted to bluff me small, isn’t it?”

Of course. I must bluff a bit. After all, I am a prince. Am I not? She laughed.

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I espied an empty taxi coming but deliberately allowed to pass. She called my attention: That’s an empty one; I stopped it quickly.

“Hold on. I told her “They charge exorbitantly if you appear too inter­ested in them. Wait here and let me go bargain with the driver.”

“You rather wait, “she replied. “I’ll bargain with him. These drivers they are swine”

“Please, you are a woman. Bar­gaining is a man’s job. Just stand by.”

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“No problem.”

I walked to the cab and told the driver quietly that as soon as I jump into the front seat, he should speed away.

“Aren’t you going with the lady?” he asked with concern.

I say speed away. Don’t ask me questions. I am paying for the job”

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In a sudden flash, the woman saw me open the front door and jump into the seat. She dashed in my direction with lightning speed. At that very mo­ment, the driver revved the engine, released the clutch and fired the accelerator.

The car jerked forward, landed in a pot-hole, came out of it and veered from the road towards a large gutter. The driver skilfully controlled the car and brought it back on track and powered the accelerator furiously.

I turned to look back and saw to my horror that this woman was chas­ing the car. Her speed was unbeliev­able. This woman is not human, I said to myself.

Indeed it was a real- load-shed­ding experience for me.

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This article was first publish on Saturday, February 28, 1998

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Female bodies for sale

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A man and a woman walking together

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.

For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.

The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.

It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.

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Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.

In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.

They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.

Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.

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Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.

So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.

There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.

Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.

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When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.

So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!

Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.

So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?

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Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.

Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”

They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.

Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.

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That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.

 This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996

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The right mindset is everything

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This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years.  The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive. 

Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members.  FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition. 

Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament.  Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil. 

Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.

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There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries. 

The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran.  The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches.  The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay.  They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day. 

They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting.  Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.  

This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.

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Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

 There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it.  The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference. 

The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful.  They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it. 

Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.

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As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood.  Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them. 

We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country.  Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge.  God bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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