Obaa Yaa
Should I hold on?
I started dating a young lady about four months ago and our relationship seems to be progressing well. I am not someone who is too clingy as l prefer to create enough space for my partner to do what she pleases. But I have noticed a worrying trend in my new girlfriend. She stays up late on her phone anytime she visits me and would text all night.
Her posture prompted me to snoop on her phone and I have ‘intercepted’ her communication with multiple persons which cannot be described as a ‘friendly chat’. I have not confronted her yet but I noticed she had since changed the password to her phone.
Unlike other chat mates on her phone, she replies to my text messages with short and straightforward answers which I sometimes find quite insulting and derogatory. I am beginning to have second thoughts about our relationship but I still want to hold on for a while. Am I making the right decision or should call it to quit?
Worried Mathias, Sakumono
Dear Mathias,
This is the time to give your partner some ‘space’ as you have rightly indicated in your submission. The relationship is still young and perhaps your partner is still considering other options at the moment. Though her conduct may not be too appropriate, you need to ‘withdraw’ from her a bit. Limit how often you check on her and if she truly loves you, she may express concern about your ‘withdrawal’.
Also, draw her attention to her late-night conversations and if she does not show any signs of ending amorous conversations with other people online, then you can equally advise yourself to end the relationship as quickly as possible. Don’t be a beggar for her attention and love in the relationship. Besides, you cannot change a person who is not willing to change.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We bumped into each other on orientation day as freshers on campus. I liked his smile, his choice of words, and charisma. I didn’t hesitate at all when he asked for my contact. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a guy like this, I said to myself.
We texted more often, had conversations on phone, and our friendship literally grew very strong. We attended lectures together, studied together, hanged out together; everyone thought we were lovers.
He did everything for me—surprise dates, thoughtful gifts, pays my academic fees, and gives me a listening ear everyone would wish for.
One evening at a friend’s birthday party, standing in the middle of the audience, he proposed and asked me to be his girlfriend. I declined his proposal; this was because I have no feelings for him, and I just want us to be friends.
He is a man with good morals, so gentle, God-fearing, ambitious, a man every lady would wish for, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I wondered if love was supposed to be this complicated: the more he did, the more I felt like a friend, not a lover. He still wants me, but I want us to be just friends. What should I do?
Naa Kwarley, Kaneshie.
Dear Naa Kwarley,
This is a tough situation, and you’re handling it with both kindness and firmness.
Since you’ve already told him you’re not interested in a romantic relationship, it’s crucial to be clear and direct while still being respectful. I’d advise you to reiterate your feelings to him, emphasising that you value him as a person and appreciate what he’s done, but you see him more as a close friend. Make it clear that you hope you can still maintain a strong friendship, but it can’t be anything more.
It’s essential to be prepared for him to need space or time to process, so be patient and understanding.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a regular reader of your highly esteemed paper and I would like to know whether some amount of money is paid to those who write short stories for publication on the children’s page of your Weekly Spectator.
I wrote a short story which was published last month, and my friends who saw it told me that a token will be paid to anyone whose story is published.
A.J., Kwabenya.
Dear A.J.,
We don’t pay for short stories published on our children’s page. That opportunity is to encourage school children to develop the habit of writing. We believe that by publishing their short stories, they’ll be encouraged to write more.
The paper is open to everyone who wants to share ideas or write about a concern.
