Obaa Yaa
Should I hold on?
I started dating a young lady about four months ago and our relationship seems to be progressing well. I am not someone who is too clingy as l prefer to create enough space for my partner to do what she pleases. But I have noticed a worrying trend in my new girlfriend. She stays up late on her phone anytime she visits me and would text all night.
Her posture prompted me to snoop on her phone and I have ‘intercepted’ her communication with multiple persons which cannot be described as a ‘friendly chat’. I have not confronted her yet but I noticed she had since changed the password to her phone.
Unlike other chat mates on her phone, she replies to my text messages with short and straightforward answers which I sometimes find quite insulting and derogatory. I am beginning to have second thoughts about our relationship but I still want to hold on for a while. Am I making the right decision or should call it to quit?
Worried Mathias, Sakumono
Dear Mathias,
This is the time to give your partner some ‘space’ as you have rightly indicated in your submission. The relationship is still young and perhaps your partner is still considering other options at the moment. Though her conduct may not be too appropriate, you need to ‘withdraw’ from her a bit. Limit how often you check on her and if she truly loves you, she may express concern about your ‘withdrawal’.
Also, draw her attention to her late-night conversations and if she does not show any signs of ending amorous conversations with other people online, then you can equally advise yourself to end the relationship as quickly as possible. Don’t be a beggar for her attention and love in the relationship. Besides, you cannot change a person who is not willing to change.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We live on a compound with five flats, and I am struggling with the looks I get from my neighbours every morning. The way they stare at me feels so horrible.
My husband moans so loud during sex, and this happens almost every day. I always try to cover up but he always finds a way to keep making noise. He screams my name very loudly.
We have not yet completed our own house, and it will not be happening anytime soon. Please, how do I get him to stop all this excessive moans? I am so ashamed to move around the compound. The worst part is that my compound neighbours always see me when I am coming in or going out. Sometimes they avoid me and give me some looks, gossiping about me. Obaa Yaa, what should I do?
Adzo, Keta.
Dear Adzo,
What you are experiencing is quite embarrassing and emotionally painful.
Your feelings are completely valid. You are not doing anything wrong, immoral, or indecent.
The situation continues not because of your actions, but because your husband is ignoring your repeated pleas for privacy and dignity.
A loving and considerate spouse does not trivialise such distress. You need to have one final, calm but firm conversation with him outside the bedroom, making it clear that this behaviour of his is hurting you and must stop.
At the same time, set a clear boundary: if the noise continues, you will not feel comfortable being intimate with him when others can hear.
This is not punishment; it is self-protection. You can also reduce exposure temporarily by closing windows, adding background music, and choosing more private times.
Hold your head up and remember you have done nothing disgraceful. If your husband still refuses to change, seek marital counselling or a trusted mediator he respects. You deserve privacy, respect, and emotional safety in your marriage.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 23 year old lady, a national service person, who have just been posted to a remote town in the Northern Region to serve as a supervisor for a health facility.
After a very long and tiring search, I got a room to rent at an affordable price. My landlord is a male, and for some time now, he has been coming over without my invitation.
He comes at odd times and very late in the evenings, with the excuse of checking on me. Sometimes, I could just be in my room; the door opens and there he is. I am so uncomfortable with this situation and I wish he could stop, but I do not know how to tell him.
I fear he might become offended. I don’t feel safe in my own space since I stepped foot into the compound. I need some privacy!
Juanita, Tamale.
Dear Juanita,
I can feel your discomfort and concern. It’s understandable that you’re feeling vulnerable in this situation. Your safety and privacy are important, and you have every right to set boundaries.
It is very essential to communicate your concerns clearly and respectfully to your landlord.
Consider writing a polite but firm note or having a calm conversation with your landlord, explaining how you appreciate his concern, but you’d prefer it if he could stop to inform you before visiting.
Remember, your safety and comfort are paramount. If you feel that the situation is becoming too much or you don’t feel safe, don’t hesitate to reach out to authorities or organisations to provide assistance.
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