Obaa Yaa
He is my dependable life partner
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We started school from the kindergarten through to the Senior High School and held the greatest belief that we would end up as great academicians.
Even at this level, my friend was knowledgeable, experienced and very intelligent, a quality which enabled him to occupy the first position in class always.
With time, he decided to assist me to catch up in the subjects l was not good at and could hardly pass.
l regard him my mentor and he rightly deserves this accolade because he is principled, keeps to policies and always on fire to ensure that things are done the right way.
Unfortunately, during the process of teaching and helping me to understand some of the difficult topics, the unexpected happened when the two of us dropped our guard and l became pregnant.
Though he was initially disturbed when l disclosed to him that l had missed my period, he quickly picked up courage and consoled me that things would work out for good, despite the incident.
My parents did not hesitate to invite him when l disclosed to them the mess into which l had gotten myself.
I dropped out of school because of my situation and he was solidly behind me. The support l received from my parents and his, made me to go through this turbulent period without regrets.
The two of us agreed that he should continue his education in the university while l nurse our child after which l will also continue.
Keeping to our plans and with the help of God, l joined him in the university after l had weaned my child, and my mother took care of my child.
He completed successfully with a first-class and did his Masters after which he secured a good job in a reputable organisation.
Our parents advised us not to allow misfortunes to take the better part of us but study hard to become successful in the future. With his good example and able direction, l was able to complete my tertiary education and l am now teaching.
ObaaYaa, l would be glad if you could advise parents and the youth on the steps to take in the event of such cases.
Belinda, Accra.
Dear Belinda,
It is worthwhile and pleasing to note that you have turned a problem into success and this has given me the chance to offer words of encouragement to parents and the youth.
All those who played various parts in your life have done exceptionally well and must be commended.
In their quest to study together, the youth should refrain from sitting in enclosed places and be on their guard and stay away from amorous acts.
Though your husband meant well, the two of you were taken by events and the ensuing pregnancy. However, the two of you boldly confronted the challenge and played your respective roles, backed by your parents to calm the storm.
Parents should not instantly throw in the towel and get enraged if things do not work out well for their children. They should work around the clock and come out with alternative results to guarantee a better future for their children.
Irrespective of whatever happens, if the youth involved in the problem fail to take advice, then they should have themselves to blame.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
