Features
The taxi driver

Taxi drivers are scared when passing near the Accra Sports Stadium. One has told me, he was driving past the stadium at around 10:30pm when he heard someone running football commentary through the nose. What! He levelled the gear to third, fourth and then fifth and fired the accelerator. The car dashed forward in full flight.
Then he saw someone in the distance stopping him for ‘dropping.’ The person looked like a soccer fan. Assuming he stopped and the guy turned out to be a ghost, could he control the steer and not end up in the sea?
He took a split-second decision. After all, ghosts did no harm unless you were responsible for turning them into ghosts. He’d stop and see if the gentleman spoke through the nose. He applied the brake and the car screeched to a halt.
“Take me to Labadi,” the man said, “how much?”
The taxi driver was too scared to answer. He did not know whether the man spoke through the nose or through the ears. Before he could say anything, the man open the front door and sat down. He banged the door hard! The driver wondered whether he was dealing with a human being or someone else; something transcendental. A ghost?
In his apprehension, he mistakenly put the gear into ‘third’ when it should have been in ‘first.’
He began moving the car. The wrong gear made the car jerk twice and the ignition went off. His first thought was that he’d picked a ghost who had just turned the engine off.
Wahallahi! Kakusunka!
Should he run and leave the car behind or simply scream for help? He did not know which would do under the circumstance. He shook like leaf, fiddled with the gear and sparked the car again. It sparked. The gear was at its right place.
He moved enroute to Labadi, glancing cheerfully at the man next to him on the front seat. When the man got down and paid for the short trip, the driver said he thanked his stars. Actually he nearly defecated in his ‘supporter.’
Next time, he’d not pick anyone around the disaster area. You wouldn’t know whether the passenger is a soccer fan in external glory, or true flesh and blood who eats salt and bread.
When he told me his story the day I chattered his car, I began thinking about ghosts. I haven’t seen any before and I don’t wish to. I don’t think it would be good for my health.
Fact is, I don’t want my blood pressure dangling like a pendulum. I am a simple man with no worries.
I went to a pastor friend and asked him about ghosts. They do not exist, he told me as a matter of fact. Every ghost is an impersonator, or an imposter.
“My friend get serious” I queried. “People say they see their dead friends, lovers, mothers, brothers, and so on.”
“That doesn’t mean there are ghosts,” he said. “The devil is only playing tricks. He impersonates people, using their faces to frighten others, to make them believe there are ghosts on earth, According to the Holy Scriptures, there are nothing like ghosts.”
“When you die,” I asked, “where will your spirit go?”
“To its Maker.”
“What for?”
“And before then, wouldn’t it hover on the earth?”
“What for?”
“So the so-called ghosts are in fact evil spirits and not human spirits?”
“That’s right
“Heard of the stadium disaster?”
“Yeah!”
“They say ghosts are displaying there basaa! You hear them at night shouting goa-a-l! ‘Offside! Penalty! and the rest. Aren’t they the spirits of the unlucky fans who died?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Meaning you are not sure.”
“I am sure dead people don’t shout.”
“But their spirits can.”
“Have your heard one shout.”
“No. But if they exorcise the place and there is no more shouting, doesn’t it means the ghosts have left?”
“It only means the evil spirits impersonating the dead people left. There are over one billion demons and principalities in the world .127 of them can easily be mobilised to be shouting at night to frighten people, to make them believe ghosts exists. That is no big deal for Satan.”
I was not quite convinced. Why would the devil want people to believe there are ghosts if they do not exist?
At any rate if the spirits were exorcised with cows, sheep, and fowls then it was not cost effective. The authorities should have hired the charismatic churches to do the job for them. They don’t need cows to chase spirits away.
The other day members of a church were attending a crusade and carried pestles and mortars on their heads to the crusade ground. I was amazed. I thought they were going to pound fufu mid-way during the programme.
When I asked one lady whether the fufu was going to be eaten with groundnut soup or aponkye nkrakra, she said they were going to pound the devil in the mortars and that it was no fufu festival. “The devil will confess today,” she assured me.
Before long, a man also carried a carpenter’s saw and hammer. He was going to saw Jimmy Satan into two halves; no two ways about that. There, he hammer his forehead and him to vamoose.
Before I left a little boy walked past with ten canes.” we are going to cane the devil,” he promptly announced. “He’d take 100 lashes on his bare-buttocks, then he’d learn sense.
Of course, Christianity is becoming more practical than theoretical. The devil must be attacked physically, battered and pounded. But it might be wasted effort. Christians must learn to speak the word and the devil will flee. As for pounding and sawing and caning, you might as well do it as a productive venture.
Sikama Palava takes this opportunity to express its deep-felt sympathy to the bereaved families of the stadium disaster. Not entirely belated, I hope!
This article was first published on Saturday, June 23, 2001
Features
Female bodies for sale

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?
Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.
For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.
The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.
It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.
Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.
In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.
They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.
Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.
Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.
So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.
There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.
Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.
When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.
So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!
Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.
So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?
Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.
Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”
They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.
Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.
That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.
This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996
Features
The right mindset is everything
This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years. The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive.
Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members. FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition.
Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament. Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil.
Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.
There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries.
The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran. The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches. The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay. They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day.
They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting. Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.
This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.
Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.
There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it. The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference.
The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful. They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it.
Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.
As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood. Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them.
We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country. Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge. God bless.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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