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Is apology necessary in one’s life?

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Can you apologise for something you did not do for the sake of peace?  This is a vital question on the Facebook wall of Jef Carter Senior.  Days after this blog was posted on his wall, there have been interesting and divergent views from numerous followers of the page. Some did not recognise the need to apologise for something you did not do just for peace to prevail while others felt that in order to allow a sleeping dog to lie peacefully, there is the need to say sorry.

EXCHANGES WITH COLLEAGUE JOURNALIST

I had some exchanges with my colleague journalist and a friend, Doreen Hammond, the current editor of the Mirror newspaper on this particular issue. While I felt that at certain times, situations demanded that one should say sorry even though that person was not the cause of a problem to ensure peace, my sister disagreed and differed with me totally.  Her argument was that she was very accommodative, but that should not mean that she should apologise for what she had not done.  As she put it, “I let a lot of things slide and tolerate a lot but why that? So, I should for example, apologise for assaulting someone when I haven’t”, she asked.  I went further to draw her attention to the fact that she was comparing two different scenarios explaining to her that assault was something physical which even if committed indoors between couples, demanded an arbitration because of the physical injuries involved, and that was different from insulting each other verbally and other mere offences, but my colleague would never budge. Of course, we are all entitled to our opinions and we have to accept it like that.

APOLOGY AND WHAT IT ENTAILS

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Since this topic is so interesting and thought-provoking, I have decided to use my column to discuss into detail, the essence of rendering an apology and what the act of doing that means to people and society in general in order to ginger up divergent opinions and views to advance the course of progress,

Apology in clear terms as explained in the dictionary, is something that you say or write in order to tell someone that you are sorry that you have hurt them or cause trouble to them.  It is, therefore, an act of showing remorse and regretting for something you have done a person, group of people, as well as establishments.  It is not a shame to tell a person you are sorry if you know deep down your heart that you have offended him or her and regret for your action.

APOLOGY REPAIRS RELATIONSHIP

Rendering an apology helps repair relationship by getting people to talk to each other or one another following some misunderstanding and makes them feel comfortable with each other again.  A sincere apology that comes from the heart allows you to know that you are not proud of what you did and, therefore, will not repeat that same behaviour.  It does not matter if we hurt someone intentionally or accidentally, we have to take responsibility and apologise sincerely.  By owning up our mistakes, we have the chance to rebuild trust or validate experiences and heal wounds.  When we refuse to take ownership or responsibility, we ignore the consequences of our actions and lessen the safety of the relationship and ultimately deepen the hurt.

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IS IT IMPORTANT TO SAY SORRY?

One may ask this question; Is it important to say sorry?  The answer is hundred times yes and it is important to do so.  Depending on how much you harmed, hurt or offended the person, it can be very important, recognising though that an apology is not enough because it does not repair the damage or absolve you from the consequences of your action.  However, if you genuinely regret what you did, then saying so to the person you harmed is a good start.  There is the need for one to take responsibility for what he or she did and do what is necessary to make things better.  Saying that you are really sorry, merely shows that, you are for the rest of it.  The fact is, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t mean it or if you are not prepared to back it up with any meaningful action, otherwise you will defeat the essence of the apology which then becomes meaningless.

APOLOGY IN MARRIAGES

For instance, couples who are courting for marriage, find life interesting or pleasing, forward looking and enjoyable in their relationship with little or no problem to manage because of the intense love and affection for each other.  However, if they enter into real marriage, blessed and sealed through the Marriage Ordinance Act which becomes lawful, there the problem starts at times when they move to their matrimonial homes to start life afresh.  Some go to the extent of insulting and abusing each other, at times more physically, resulting in physical injuries.  As a result of some of these needless infractions, in marriages, you see the bride running for cover at their parents’ abode, forgetting the vows they took ‘For Better for Worse’ in the cause of their marriage.

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In real terms in marriage life, it is during this stage that the couples must realise that they need to apply the essence of apology to resolve their grievances in order to stay intact and for their marriage to flourish.  There is no need for any blame game whatsoever and one of them must sacrifice by saying sorry to the other so that they can move on in their marriage.  It is only in a matter of physical attack on each other that demands an arbitration from external sources.  Even in such cases, they need to recognise their shortcomings and mistakes and say sorry to each other.

It is a fact that, we at times struggle to overcome our pride which is not healthy and the best way to go.  Sometimes, it is very important to express remorse and say sorry for the little thing or infraction to strengthen our relationship with each other or one another.

APOLOGY IN EMPLOYMENT

In the case of employment where an employee goes contrary to the rules of an establishment, he or she must own up to the management of the establishment and apologise sincerely for the infraction, even if he or she is served with a query to answer.  Management must also tamper justice with mercy and accept the apology of the employee if the offence is not grievous and can be managed.

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It is also important for friends and other relations to cultivate the habit of apologising by saying sorry when they offend one another so that peace can prevail.  Taking intransigent positions and actions, can lead to bad situations that may be regretted later.

Yes, like my colleague argued it out, she cannot own up and apologise for something she did not do. She cannot be faulted for saying so.  However, in certain situations which call for peace, if apology will lead to that cause, why can we not say so, to bring about that needed peace.

The Holy Scripture tells us that, sometimes, we might offend or sin against friends and family members and if this happens, Christians are to confess our sins to God and apologise to that person.  Everything we do must be sincere.  A true friend would fix their relationship with others instead of keeping pride and stubbornness in their hearts.  Don’t let guilt linger in your heart.  Go and apologise and make things right.

I will end this piece by quoting from the Holy Bible, Mathew 6:15 which states that, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father in Heaven will not forgive you your sins”.

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 Contact email/WhatsApp of author: ataani20002yahoo.com

  0277753946/0248933366

BY CHARLES NEEQUAYE

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Features

Press freedom & the bearded goat

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journalists covering assignment

THE journalist is a hunter. He goes after human rats and grasscutters personified, matters about whom he can salt and spice and present as news. The fatter and juicier the catch, the better, because sensation is essentially our cup of tea.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Our job is to sell news and sell it in grand style.

Because the journalist is a hunter and is created with a special kind of nose for sniffing out news, he is usually not welcome in many places. He is seen as someone who has been born to make people uncomfortable.

The problem is that some people don’t want things written about them even if it is promotional and favourable. When it entails publishing their pictures alongside the story, they are doubly scared.

“Please, don’t use my picture. People will think I’ve got money and come for loan,” someone told me.

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Anyhow, journalists are seen as intruders, undesirables, born with plenty of okro in the mouth; maybe some also in the nose. Some of my friends are no longer too close because they fear I’d give them full coverage in the Sikaman Palava column. Ha ha ha! What a funny world!

Well, people like my Uncle, Sir Kofi Jogolo, my former classmate and born-mathematician, Kwame Korkorti, and ex-football star cum human-salamander Kofi Kokotako don’t mind featuring in the hilarious inches of this column. Kofi Owuo alias Death By Poverty is one personality who has to be mentioned in this palaver.

These are people who are going to live long, primarily because they see the world as one big ball of fun. When Kwame Korkorti was told that his dear mother was dead at home, he smiled and asked the bearer of the message whether his mother had cooked the afternoon meal before claiming she was dead. Until her death, Korkorti ate his lunch at his mother’s end.

When my Uncle Kofi Jogolo was picked and lost 1,500 dollars and a good amount of Sikaman currency, he didn’t lament the loss. Instead he was amused. In fact, he was almost glad about it, because he grinned from ear to ear, stroked his delicate moustache and congratulated the thief, adding that “He is smarter than I am.” Yeah, Jogolo is the man who employs a Swedish barber to trim his moustache.

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And when Kofi Kokotako was unemployed and was nearly hit by an articulated truck, he called the driver a fool. “The idiot should have killed me,” he said to me. “Didn’t he know I was unemployed and suffering?”

Today, Kokotako is employed as a Reverend and is not doing badly at all. Thanks to the regular silver collection.

And what about Kofi Owuo, the celebrated poor man. His wife left him not because he was poor, but because he swore in front of her that he would never prosper.

The following dawn the wife packed bag and baggage and went back to her parents and told them all about her husband’s alliance with poverty. Her parents were bewildered and called the alliance unholy. They had no option than to send back Owuo’s drinks to end the marriage.

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Kofi Owuo alias Death By Poverty did not contest the issue. He was more engrossed thinking about how to become poorer than to contest what he called a frivolous matter. The wife could go to hell, he said. These are people longevity smiles upon. Nothing worries them.

Getting back to talking about journalists. I’d say that anywhere there is journalism, the issue of press freedom is not too far away. Is the press free? That’s one question foreigners want answer to when they are on visit.

Well, journalists celebrate a yearly WORLD PRESS FREEDOM DAY to drum home the idea of press freedom as a very important thing in the practice of journalism.

This year’s was celebrated almost a fortnight ago but people didn’t see much of us because we are normally not good celebrants. We should have mounted a float to roam the entire capital, dancing asaboni to brass band music just like PTC did recently.

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Although journalists are known to be very good dancers because they walk very much, on that day, they were all busy writing. It was the Minister of Information, Mr Kofi Totobi Quakyi who saved the day by addressing a forum organised to mark the day.

He is a man I’ve always admired since his radical university days. He spoke much on press freedom, cautioning the press not to abuse the freedom granted by the Fourth Republican constitution, but to use it for the progress of society.

Well, press freedom has been defined by many journalists as the freedom to ‘write nonsense’. This definition is not quite accurate. I asked one staff reporter to define press freedom. It took him fifteen minutes to put up something.

“Press freedom is the freedom that is enjoyed by the press that enables journalists to publish or broadcast any kind of material so long as it is absolutely true, is not libelous and slanderous, and is not against the national interest.”

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I gave him eight out of 10, a straight A. I guess every journalist is old enough to know that certain things he or she writes is for or against the national interest. We certainly must guard against writing against the national interest; that is very important.

There is also the question of criticising government. The government can be criticized, so long as the criticisms are genuine and the President and his ministers are not insulted and called names. Let us criticize, but let us do it decently so that the journalistic profession can be revered, and its nobility acknowledged. We are not war mongers, are we?

One area in which journalists are not spoken well of is the complaint that they misquote people. Journalists sometimes misquote people, but in four out of five complaints it turns out that nobody is misquoted after all.

When we interview people they say things unreservedly and we publish unreservedly. When the publication is out and their friends or superiors read it and accuse them of having said too much to the press, then they start claiming they were misquoted.

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We have encountered these ‘misquotation palaver’ every now and then and reporters are usually accused of this transgression. However, when they bring out their note-books or recorders, it is realised that they wrote nothing out of the way. “Book no lie”.

My advice to people who deal with the press is that if they do not want anything written, they shouldn’t say it. What they want to say is OFF-RECORD, then of course, there is no reason to say it. When you say it, you’re taking a risk. In that instance, you can’t also claim to have been misquoted or words put into your mouth.

And it isn’t every journalist who would be circumspect in matters that are supposed to be off-record, because journalists often want to be as sensational as possible to make their stories saleable. So say just what you want to see published and you won’t later regret it and claim you were misquoted.

Well, I’m not holding brief for journalists, because a few of us are notorious for colouring our reports sometimes sand-papering the words so much that they look very bright in front of readers.

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As I once said, when the police tells one such notorious pressman that the thief stole a brown goat, the pressman would want to know whether the goat was bearded. Of course, the police would say ‘Yes’.

However, in the press report, it appears, “A gang of notorious goat-thieves were apprehended in the early hours of yesterday. In the car in which they were riding was a brownish-red goat having a long beard. Upon further examination, it was realised that the goat also had a greyish moustache.”

When the story appears, the police are naturally disturbed. A single thief turns out to be a gang of thieves. The goat also becomes a chameleon and changes colour to brownish-red. And a moustacheless goat overnight wears a greyish moustache whether you like it or not. Luckily the journalist does not add that the moustache was trimmed by a Swedish barber.

Yes, we have a few of such mischief-creating, chronically notorious journalists. But they are one in a hundred. In any case, we make the world. And we shall always do our best to make it a happy place to live in.

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 This article was first publish on Saturday, May, 20, 1995

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Mindset change: The Greater Works factor- Part 2

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When I hear of people who are of the opinion that they cannot make it in life unless they travel abroad, l become sad.  

Whenever I see on TV, news of people, that is migrants who have drowned in the Mediterranean Sea, while attempting to cross to Europe, l become filled with sadness and then anger. 

The underlying factor is desperation born out of loss of hope, in life.  When an individual tends to believe that his only hope of making it in life is to travel abroad, the risk of dying at sea, does not deter him or her. 

The role of some pastors on shaping the mindset of people, especially the youth, leaves much to be desired.  You hear them declaring on various media platforms how they can pray for you to get a visa to travel abroad, instead of encouraging them to find something to do to improve their lives as the Bible teaches that God will bless the work of their hands.

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The GREATER WORKS CONFERENCE is geared towards renewing the minds of people with a specific focus on people of African descent to rid themselves of the negative perception of lack of capacity to excel in life.  

Pastor Mensa Otabil believes that every human being, no matter the skin colour, was created in the exact image of God and therefore has the capacity to do exploits. 

The whiteman was not created in the image of God while the Blackman was created in the image of something other than God.  The Black person therefore can achieve whatever the whiteman can achieve.

 The development in terms of industrialisation that is lacking which has generated unemployment for the youth, is due to lack of effective leadership.  The lack of moral integrity in society, is what is causing the lack of job opportunities, which is as a result of corrupt acts which drive away private investment.

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A culture of inferiority complex exists which needs to be dealt with, so the African can develop the self worth necessary for personal development which can then result in capacity deployment to avhieve personal goals. 

Success in life begins with the individual’s recognition that he or she is capable of achieving the dreams he or she has conceived in his or her mind.  The Bible teaches that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the holy is understanding according to Proverbs 9:10. 

Christianity was the driving force behind the development of Europe because no society can sustain development without high moral values.  GREATER WORKS therefore is a deliberate project to shape the minds of people, especially the youth, who will become the leaders of our future, to prioritise morality in their daily lives.

This is the only way to see a massive transformation in every aspect of our lives as Ghanaians and Africans in Ghana and the rest of the continent.

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Since the inception of the GREATOR WORKS CONFERENCE, it has made a lot of impact in the lives of many people from the youth up to the senior citizens level.  I recall the testimony of a church member who was motivated and pursued higher education and became one of the youngest Chartered Accountants in this country.  Year after year, the impact of the conference has been enormous and lives in Ghana and across the continent, are being transformed. 

Black people have started regaining their self confidence and the youth have started getting into areas that previously were considered out of bounds.  At a personal level, certain ideas that some years ago, l would have not dreamt about suddenly has become realistic dreams. 

The Christian lifestyle has impacted on my children and those close to me.  Mindset change starts with one individual, then another and then gradually it spreads like a viral infection until a critical mass is attained and them a massive impact.  There is hope for the future.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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