Some advice for long term relationship

Relationships are built on the foundation of love, trust, honesty and loyalty. These foundation stones determine how long a relationship is going to last.

A long term relationship is the one that transforms into a lifetime commitment and over time you get so used to the presence of your partner that it becomes impossible to imagine a life without them.

Here is a set of advice that might be helpful to you if you are planning to have a long term relationship:

Support each other no matter what the situation is. Have each other’s backs in difficult circumstances and reassure your partner from time to time that you are together in this and won’t leave their side no matter what.
Accept them as they are; don’t try to change their personality in accordance with your mood. Let them be themselves.
Never stop putting efforts into your relationship no matter how old it gets. If you keep planting seeds, flowers keep blooming in your garden.
Always trust each other unconditionally. By mistrusting your significant other you might humiliate them to a level that they start hating you and they consider their relationship with you a mistake.
Give enough space to each other; everybody loves to have some personal space. Give your partner some personal time to do their thing and meanwhile, you do yours.
Forgive and forget. Everybody makes mistakes; at times you will make some and at times they will make some, make sure you forgive and forget their mistakes as well. Forgiving and then taunting by remembering past mistakes will ruin the peace of your relationship.
Communicate more. Be open. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship if you both will pour your hearts out in front of each other and tell each other what bothers you and what comforts you, your relationship will become the safest haven for both of you.
Learn to listen. In a relationship, listening to each other’s viewpoints is extremely important. A person must always listen to the concerns of their significant other calmly.
Pay attention to the details. While communicating pay attention to their tone, body language and voice, it will help you understand if the person is sad, happy, frustrated, stressed or glad. Such understanding will lead to a stronger bond and longer-lasting relationship.
Be appreciative. Appreciation is what we all expect in return for the little things that we do for others. Always be appreciative of all the small acts of kindness and love that your partner does to make you happy.
Don’t overthink a small fight or argument you had with them. It will only keep on deepening your sorrow and you will end up creating scenarios in your head that didn’t even happen.
Be thankful. Thank them for all the things that they do for you on a daily basis. Thanking will motivate the other person to put more effort into the relationship.

Tips to improve family relationships

There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.

Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.

Here are some tips to help bring family members closer

Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.

1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”

2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.

3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.

4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.

5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.

6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.

7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.

8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!

9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.

Relationship

Building trust in relationships and marriages

• Communication is the key to any successful relationship

Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.

As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?

How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?

Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.

Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.

Signs of trust issues

So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:

– Suspicion and jealousy

– Defensiveness and accusations

– Lack of communication or withholding information

– Dishonesty or hiding the truth

– Emotional distance or disconnection

How to build trust

Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:

1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.

2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.

3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.

4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.

5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.

Rebuilding trust

If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.

2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.

3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.

4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.

Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).