Obaa Yaa
Should l take revenge on my ex boyfriend?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were friends from the Senior High School and became lovers throughout our stay in the university. Our friendship developed to the stage that he said ” l am the apple of his eyes” and he promised to marry me for which l did not hesitate to accept his proposal.
A year after we had completed our programmes in the university, l missed my period, despite the efforts l did to protect myself from being pregnant.
l was embarrassed in view of the situation in which l found myself. l could neither eat nor sleep, and all those who saw me at that time discovered that l had a serious problem in hand.
Though he pleaded with me to abort my pregnancy, l failed to comply. However, with time, he mounted pressure on me again and further explained that he was not employed, therefore, he would not be in the position to support me from the antenatal stage through to the time l would be delivered of my baby.
Later, he brought me some herbal concoction which he got from a friend and forced me to take it, failure to which he would refuse to accept the pregnancy and cease to talk to me.
l eventually obliged and took the concoction after which l bled for hours unending and later developed serious complications.
l became unconscious and was rushed to the hospital at the point of death, but was lucky to recover early. l was subsequently discharged after three weeks.
The medical doctor who treated me told my mother that he feared l would not be able to give birth in the future.
Now that l have complications due to the abortion, he has abandoned me and impregnated another lady whom he has promised to marry.
Naturally, l feel cheated and l am considering to take revenge. What should l do?
Nana Awurama.
Dear Nana Awurama,
First of all, we thank God for sparing your life and the ordeal that you have endured.
Take heart as you go through serious emotional moments. It is unfortunate that you allowed yourself to be deceived into taking a decision which is going to cause you the rest of your life, and for which you have yourself to blame.
It is not clear the sort of revenge you intend to take. No matter your plans, revenge could lead you into serious trouble if care is not taken, because you may be influenced by the anger in you to react.
Allow him to go ahead with his planned marriage if his conscience permits him.
Commit yourself to God and He will direct your path. Seek for forgiveness from God and hold nothing in your heart against him.
Forgiveness needs a broad, great and tender heart which you must hold unto and utilise to your benefit.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM 30 years old and the firstborn of three girls. Our mother died six months ago and since then, things have changed in our house.
I travelled for two weeks for work and when I returned, my younger sister, who is 24 years old, had moved all her things into my room. She said our mother gave her the room before she died, which I know is not true. Our mother left no such instruction before she died.
When I confronted her, she insulted me and told me that if I wanted peace, I should move to the boys’ quarters. Our father is not helping; he says we should not bring family matters outside.
I am hurt and angry. This was my mother’s house and I have been taking care of her before she died. How do I handle this without fighting my own blood sister?
First Born, Tema
Dear First Born,
I AM sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is already hard, and family conflict makes it heavier.
I understand your pain. You sacrificed for your mother, and now you feel disrespected in your own home.
Please do not fight your sister physically or with insults. Once you fight, the family bond may be difficult to repair.
Don’t fight over the room; fight for peace. For now, manage with another space in the house if you can. Winning a room and losing your sister is not a true win.
Call a family meeting. You cannot do this alone. Invite a respected elder in the family, an uncle, auntie or your church elder whom your father and sister respect. Let them sit both of you down and discuss the matter fairly.
Since your mother left no will, everything should be discussed openly. Talk to your father separately. Your father said he does not want family matters outside, which may mean he still wants unity.
Talk to him calmly, one-on-one, and not when you are angry. Tell him how hurt you feel, not just that your sister is wrong.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
FOR the past year, my mother has been complaining of one sickness after another. Whenever she called to tell me she was in the hospital, she would say the doctor had prescribed some medicines and ask me to send her money. I always did because I believed she was genuinely sick and needed my help.
A few weeks later, she would call again, claiming her condition had worsened. Sometimes it was high blood sugar or high blood pressure, and recently, she complained of sciatica. No matter how much money I sent, there was always another sickness and another medical bill to pay.
I eventually asked her to come to Accra so I could take her to the hospital for a comprehensive medical examination. However, she always had an excuse. She would say her knees hurt too much for her to sit in a car for that long or that her blood pressure was dangerously high.
Every month, I sent her at least GH₵5,000 for medical expenses. The situation became so exhausting that I sometimes stopped answering her calls because I already knew what she wanted to discuss.
Whenever I finally picked up, she would make me feel guilty for not answering.
One day, my aunt called and told me she had something important to share. She sent me a voice recording and warned me not to tell my mother about it.
I was shocked when I listened to the recording. My mother was boasting to someone that she had deliberately refused to come to Accra because she knew I would discover the truth about her supposed illnesses and stop sending her money.
What hurt me most was hearing her say, “If she heals all my sicknesses, what will I eat?”
I was devastated and furious. For an entire week, I refused to answer her calls. When I eventually picked up, she immediately started asking why I wanted her to die.
This time, I could not keep quiet.
Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to stop supporting my mother financially after discovering what she has allegedly been doing? Should I forgive her and give her another chance, or should I maintain my distance to protect myself from further manipulation?
Efe, Accra
Dear Efe,
I CAN understand your anger, disappointment and sense of betrayal. Sending your mother at least GH₵5,000 every month because you believe she is unwell is a significant financial commitment.
Discovering a recording in which she allegedly admits to deliberately avoiding a medical examination so she can continue receiving money from you would understandably hurt you deeply.
The situation is particularly painful because this is your mother, someone you naturally expect to be honest with you.
However, I would advise you not to make your next decision purely out of anger. You have every right to protect yourself from financial and emotional manipulation, but you should also consider the kind of relationship you want to have with your mother in the future.
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