Obaa Yaa
My advice to young ladies
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 32-year- old graduate from one of the universities in Ghana. I deem it necessary to sound a word of caution to young ladies to concentrate on whatever they are doing and not to follow boys.
I was in love with one of my course mates though we were careful not to indulge in sex, we got to a point where complacency took the greater part of us and l got pregnant.
My pregnancy took me by surprise and the serene academic environment suddenly changed and l became confused.
In my confused state l considered many options but the need to cause abortion was on top of the list. Since l was at home when the pregnancy set in, my mother did not find it difficult to discover the mess l had landed in.
The cunning way she posed the question to me made it impossible for me to deny. With this discovery l decided to maintain the pregnancy and defer my course.
Though my boyfriend was not financially sound, l accepted odd jobs to enable me to go through the period until l was delivered of my baby.
Fortunately, my mother took care of my child while l returned to school and successfully completed with a good grade.
However, l must warn that it was not easy since l put a lot of stress on myself and on my parents.
I wish to advise young girls to concentrate on their studies and refrain from engaging in pre-marital sex, since this could end their education forever.
Beatrice, Accra.
Dear Beatrice,
Experience is the best teacher and it is good to share your bitter experience with young girls who are growing and likely to pass through the problem you had.
You are lucky to have parents who were considerate and accepted despite the problem. I think it is essential to take her advice since you may not be as fortunate as she was.
Concentrate on your studies to avert embarrassment from boyfriends some of whom may disown the pregnancy and make you look disappointed before your parents.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
