Obaa Yaa
Married woman finds me suitable
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a graduate, completed the mandatory National Service but I have no job. A married woman was stranded when her car broke down in the middle of the road and I assisted in fixing the problem to her delight.
The following day, she called my phone to express her gratitude for the help I offered her the previous day. Ever since, the conservation continued and one day she invited me for launch.
She occasionally called to find out how I was doing and always asked if there was any help that she could offer.
One day, we coincidentally met at the funeral of a friend and she suggested that we go elsewhere for lunch at a lodge. There we had some drinks and food after which she complained of headache and subsequently booked a room to enable her to rest a few minutes before leaving the place. I quickly arranged for a painkiller from a nearby pharmacy, gave it to her and waited for her to recuperate.
She pleaded that I should not leave her alone in the room but stay a little longer. I suggested that she should call her husband to come to her aid but she declined, saying that she would like to be left alone.
After some minutes, she asked for a bottle of water and when I took the water to her she held my hand firmly and drew me to her on the bed. As I struggled to extricate myself from her grips, she held me tighter and whispered into my ears that she loved me and the unfortunate happened.
This incident was followed by many others at the least opportunity we had.
Though she is someone’s wife, she gives me joy and supports me financially since I am not working. I find it difficult to let her go off my grips because of the immense help she is offering me. I am beginning to be afraid of being caught by her husband and disgraced.
What should I do?
Kofi, Accra.
Dear Kofi,
You are treading on dangerous grounds and the earlier you quit this devilish attitude and spare your life, the better it will be for you.
Going out with someone’s wife is a deadly sin, nasty, dirty, unpardonable and could easily cause your life.
Remember that everybody will definitely condemn your attitude because it is not right.
The danger is that, having indulged in illicit sex for some period will make you not feel remorse of the act.
There is no need to depend on this woman for long since the ball will soon be let out of the bag, and you will soon be caught.
How will you feel if someone does this to your wife?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
