Features
Lotto wahala and Tuobodom palaver
In Sikaman lotto is not a game. It is a profession, a noble career which people aspire to. It is the highest paying profession after armed robbery and the most widespread job on this side of the Atlantic.
In places like China, lotto is a disease that has no cure. Once you are infected, no doctor on earth can cure you. May be Kofi Larteh, Ghana’s most celebrated magician, can help ease the symptoms, but no definitive cure will be forthcoming.
Coming back to Sikaman, lotto has been the financial messiah of many. That is how people look after their large families, pay school fees, marry two wives and do their own ‘monkey things.’
If you are very poor and you win a lottery, chances are that you will die before you even collect the money. You’ll die out of excitement or you’ll start day-dreaming in the streets and an articulated truck will hit you.
As such, very heavy wins are not recommended for poor people, lest they get listed too soon in the obituary columns.
The sad story is told of a heavy-duty caterpillar driver who had a very heavy lotto windfall of several millions, his first big win after several years.
CATERPILLAR
He was driving the caterpillar home when he saw his son running towards him, shouting. “All your numbers have dropped! All your numbers have dropped! He could not believe his ears.
All the four numbers he had staked had dropped and his son, who had gone to stake them for him, was himself over-excited. The poor caterpillar man just could not handle the good news. He suddenly stepped on the brakes and the caterpillar jolted him a trifle too violently, throwing him off. He landed right in front of the still moving heavy-duty machine and it crushed him flat.
I don’t think the bloke would have died if he had won a smaller amount. Sometimes too much cash is not good for the health.
Seldom, people get too confident and that can also result in a wake-keeping, like that of a man who used his lifetime savings and borrowed extra money to crack the machine with a two-sure that the compiler must compulsory drop or the world will end.
Even the shadows of the numbers or their counterparts were nowhere near the winning numbers. His shock-absorbers crumbled under the weight of the heavy disappointment. He crashed to the floor and started foaming at the mouth. He was declared dead on arrival at the nearest clinic.
WINDFALL
Recently, there was a countrywide lotto windfall, and in Kumasi it was more than a festival. Most stakers had between ¢30m and ¢40 million on two-sure that the lotto magicians had predicted at least three weeks earlier,
Kejetia chop bars were besieged with overnight millionaires, carrying huge appetites induced by Opeimu Bitters popularly called Opeimu Peters. All the meat and mudfish got sold out within an hour and procurement agents had to double up to restock.
While some were celebrating, others were weeping and gnashing teeth. The problem was that, three weeks beforehand, the two sure numbers were declared by all the lotto sorcerers, dreamers, magicians, tellers and all the self-appointed and self-promoted forecasters.
Everybody including 10-year-olds, who staked and lost. The following week, they were advised to continue staking. The faithful did continue but the faithless stopped. All of them lost. In the third week or so, a good number of confident stakers had lost faith in the two numbers. That was when the number landed.
So the windfall was for only those who had the unshakeable faith in the numbers. See what faith can do? It can move dollars. Don’t waver, so saith the holy scriptures.
The faithless indeed gnashed teeth. The winners on the other hand celebrated with a song that is as controversial as the business of lotto. It is a song played by the group called Nkasei and has something to do with a town in the Brong Ahafo Region called Tuobodom whose capital we hear is Jinijini.
I hear it is a derogatory song and the queen mother of Tuobodom got charged and breathed out electric current during her protest on air. She allegedly ended up demanding a mobile phone from Nkasei so that she could communicate with them to settle the matter peacefully, lest wahala.
Well, the song is rising up the charts and Nkasei are making the dough, but should it be at the expense of a whole townsfolk, their forebears and generations to come?
WATERPROOF
Waterproof, the famous comedian, was allegedly given hefty slaps at the Kumasi rail station by some Frafra jingoists who felt he was deriding their tribe. And Bob Okala had to run with his tail between his legs when he was confronted and realised that slaps were going to be visited on his lean face.
Let’s not use words and lyrics to cause discomfort to others.
This article was first published on Saturday July 9, 2005
THE journalist is a hunter. He goes after human rats and grasscutters personified, matters about whom he can salt and spice and present as news. The fatter and juicier the catch, the better, because sensation is essentially our cup of tea.
Our job is to sell news and sell it in grand style.
Because the journalist is a hunter and is created with a special kind of nose for sniffing out news, he is usually not welcome in many places. He is seen as someone who has been born to make people uncomfortable.
The problem is that some people don’t want things written about them even if it is promotional and favourable. When it entails publishing their pictures alongside the story, they are doubly scared.
“Please, don’t use my picture. People will think I’ve got money and come for loan,” someone told me.
Anyhow, journalists are seen as intruders, undesirables, born with plenty of okro in the mouth; maybe some also in the nose. Some of my friends are no longer too close because they fear I’d give them full coverage in the Sikaman Palava column. Ha ha ha! What a funny world!
Well, people like my Uncle, Sir Kofi Jogolo, my former classmate and born-mathematician, Kwame Korkorti, and ex-football star cum human-salamander Kofi Kokotako don’t mind featuring in the hilarious inches of this column. Kofi Owuo alias Death By Poverty is one personality who has to be mentioned in this palaver.
These are people who are going to live long, primarily because they see the world as one big ball of fun. When Kwame Korkorti was told that his dear mother was dead at home, he smiled and asked the bearer of the message whether his mother had cooked the afternoon meal before claiming she was dead. Until her death, Korkorti ate his lunch at his mother’s end.
When my Uncle Kofi Jogolo was picked and lost 1,500 dollars and a good amount of Sikaman currency, he didn’t lament the loss. Instead he was amused. In fact, he was almost glad about it, because he grinned from ear to ear, stroked his delicate moustache and congratulated the thief, adding that “He is smarter than I am.” Yeah, Jogolo is the man who employs a Swedish barber to trim his moustache.
And when Kofi Kokotako was unemployed and was nearly hit by an articulated truck, he called the driver a fool. “The idiot should have killed me,” he said to me. “Didn’t he know I was unemployed and suffering?”
Today, Kokotako is employed as a Reverend and is not doing badly at all. Thanks to the regular silver collection.
And what about Kofi Owuo, the celebrated poor man. His wife left him not because he was poor, but because he swore in front of her that he would never prosper.
The following dawn the wife packed bag and baggage and went back to her parents and told them all about her husband’s alliance with poverty. Her parents were bewildered and called the alliance unholy. They had no option than to send back Owuo’s drinks to end the marriage.
Kofi Owuo alias Death By Poverty did not contest the issue. He was more engrossed thinking about how to become poorer than to contest what he called a frivolous matter. The wife could go to hell, he said. These are people longevity smiles upon. Nothing worries them.
Getting back to talking about journalists. I’d say that anywhere there is journalism, the issue of press freedom is not too far away. Is the press free? That’s one question foreigners want answer to when they are on visit.
Well, journalists celebrate a yearly WORLD PRESS FREEDOM DAY to drum home the idea of press freedom as a very important thing in the practice of journalism.
This year’s was celebrated almost a fortnight ago but people didn’t see much of us because we are normally not good celebrants. We should have mounted a float to roam the entire capital, dancing asaboni to brass band music just like PTC did recently.
Although journalists are known to be very good dancers because they walk very much, on that day, they were all busy writing. It was the Minister of Information, Mr Kofi Totobi Quakyi who saved the day by addressing a forum organised to mark the day.
He is a man I’ve always admired since his radical university days. He spoke much on press freedom, cautioning the press not to abuse the freedom granted by the Fourth Republican constitution, but to use it for the progress of society.
Well, press freedom has been defined by many journalists as the freedom to ‘write nonsense’. This definition is not quite accurate. I asked one staff reporter to define press freedom. It took him fifteen minutes to put up something.
“Press freedom is the freedom that is enjoyed by the press that enables journalists to publish or broadcast any kind of material so long as it is absolutely true, is not libelous and slanderous, and is not against the national interest.”
I gave him eight out of 10, a straight A. I guess every journalist is old enough to know that certain things he or she writes is for or against the national interest. We certainly must guard against writing against the national interest; that is very important.
There is also the question of criticising government. The government can be criticized, so long as the criticisms are genuine and the President and his ministers are not insulted and called names. Let us criticize, but let us do it decently so that the journalistic profession can be revered, and its nobility acknowledged. We are not war mongers, are we?
One area in which journalists are not spoken well of is the complaint that they misquote people. Journalists sometimes misquote people, but in four out of five complaints it turns out that nobody is misquoted after all.
When we interview people they say things unreservedly and we publish unreservedly. When the publication is out and their friends or superiors read it and accuse them of having said too much to the press, then they start claiming they were misquoted.
We have encountered these ‘misquotation palaver’ every now and then and reporters are usually accused of this transgression. However, when they bring out their note-books or recorders, it is realised that they wrote nothing out of the way. “Book no lie”.
My advice to people who deal with the press is that if they do not want anything written, they shouldn’t say it. What they want to say is OFF-RECORD, then of course, there is no reason to say it. When you say it, you’re taking a risk. In that instance, you can’t also claim to have been misquoted or words put into your mouth.
And it isn’t every journalist who would be circumspect in matters that are supposed to be off-record, because journalists often want to be as sensational as possible to make their stories saleable. So say just what you want to see published and you won’t later regret it and claim you were misquoted.
Well, I’m not holding brief for journalists, because a few of us are notorious for colouring our reports sometimes sand-papering the words so much that they look very bright in front of readers.
As I once said, when the police tells one such notorious pressman that the thief stole a brown goat, the pressman would want to know whether the goat was bearded. Of course, the police would say ‘Yes’.
However, in the press report, it appears, “A gang of notorious goat-thieves were apprehended in the early hours of yesterday. In the car in which they were riding was a brownish-red goat having a long beard. Upon further examination, it was realised that the goat also had a greyish moustache.”
When the story appears, the police are naturally disturbed. A single thief turns out to be a gang of thieves. The goat also becomes a chameleon and changes colour to brownish-red. And a moustacheless goat overnight wears a greyish moustache whether you like it or not. Luckily the journalist does not add that the moustache was trimmed by a Swedish barber.
Yes, we have a few of such mischief-creating, chronically notorious journalists. But they are one in a hundred. In any case, we make the world. And we shall always do our best to make it a happy place to live in.
This article was first publish on Saturday, May, 20, 1995
When I hear of people who are of the opinion that they cannot make it in life unless they travel abroad, l become sad.
Whenever I see on TV, news of people, that is migrants who have drowned in the Mediterranean Sea, while attempting to cross to Europe, l become filled with sadness and then anger.
The underlying factor is desperation born out of loss of hope, in life. When an individual tends to believe that his only hope of making it in life is to travel abroad, the risk of dying at sea, does not deter him or her.
The role of some pastors on shaping the mindset of people, especially the youth, leaves much to be desired. You hear them declaring on various media platforms how they can pray for you to get a visa to travel abroad, instead of encouraging them to find something to do to improve their lives as the Bible teaches that God will bless the work of their hands.
The GREATER WORKS CONFERENCE is geared towards renewing the minds of people with a specific focus on people of African descent to rid themselves of the negative perception of lack of capacity to excel in life.
Pastor Mensa Otabil believes that every human being, no matter the skin colour, was created in the exact image of God and therefore has the capacity to do exploits.
The whiteman was not created in the image of God while the Blackman was created in the image of something other than God. The Black person therefore can achieve whatever the whiteman can achieve.
The development in terms of industrialisation that is lacking which has generated unemployment for the youth, is due to lack of effective leadership. The lack of moral integrity in society, is what is causing the lack of job opportunities, which is as a result of corrupt acts which drive away private investment.
A culture of inferiority complex exists which needs to be dealt with, so the African can develop the self worth necessary for personal development which can then result in capacity deployment to avhieve personal goals.
Success in life begins with the individual’s recognition that he or she is capable of achieving the dreams he or she has conceived in his or her mind. The Bible teaches that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the holy is understanding according to Proverbs 9:10.
Christianity was the driving force behind the development of Europe because no society can sustain development without high moral values. GREATER WORKS therefore is a deliberate project to shape the minds of people, especially the youth, who will become the leaders of our future, to prioritise morality in their daily lives.
This is the only way to see a massive transformation in every aspect of our lives as Ghanaians and Africans in Ghana and the rest of the continent.
Since the inception of the GREATOR WORKS CONFERENCE, it has made a lot of impact in the lives of many people from the youth up to the senior citizens level. I recall the testimony of a church member who was motivated and pursued higher education and became one of the youngest Chartered Accountants in this country. Year after year, the impact of the conference has been enormous and lives in Ghana and across the continent, are being transformed.
Black people have started regaining their self confidence and the youth have started getting into areas that previously were considered out of bounds. At a personal level, certain ideas that some years ago, l would have not dreamt about suddenly has become realistic dreams.
The Christian lifestyle has impacted on my children and those close to me. Mindset change starts with one individual, then another and then gradually it spreads like a viral infection until a critical mass is attained and them a massive impact. There is hope for the future.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
