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Kids do and say the darnedest things
I went to see a friend off at one of the lorry stations or parks in the capital. A young woman was carrying a toddler; definitely her own child. A young man, probably a student in one of the senior high schools was munching what looked like a candy. This toddler stretched her hand in demand of the candy and the mother slapped her arm so hard that the little tot screamed in agony.
It took a lot of coaxing for the girl to stop crying, and the student went to buy another candy for her. This mother’s action drew a lot of condemnation from those around. When she was questioned, all she could say was that she didn’t want to encourage her child asking things from strangers. How would a toddler, barely two years old, understand this?
Whatever catches a child’s fancy, they want to possess. Some are likely to throw tantrums if they don’t get it. In children’s estimation, they own everything around them. Some kids will naturally run away from strangers, even if that stranger has what looks like their favourite toy. But others accept strangers with open arms.
You might have noticed parents beating their little children in order to stop them from crying unnecessarily. My question is: which child keeps quiet just for being whipped? It never happens, because children are not immune to pain from beatings.
There are many children in my neighbourhood; very interesting children. Their ages range between 18 months and six or seven. It is difficult to determine their ages these days unless they live in your house. A few months ago, while some adults looked on as these children were playing, one four-year-old told her playmates that she had been seeing her parents wrestling in their bed with no clothes on. What do my readers make of this?
The child, in her innocence, was only reporting what she saw; nothing more. Whatever wrestling match she saw meant nothing to her, but parents must be mindful of the fact that children, no matter how young, have a very keen sense of observation even if they cannot and do not process what they see as adults are wont to do.
Another one told her mates that her mother grew beard on her genitals. I guess every mother has a particular name for the genitalia the children know. What the little tot was referring to was the mother’s tuft of pubic hair. And because the father had a beard on his chin, her mother’s was elsewhere and she wanted her mates to know that. That’s how simple and uncomplicated a child’s world is. Children have very little or no appreciation of anything that goes on around them.
My two-year-old grandson spills a malt drink on the cushion and his mother screams at him. He gets frightened alright and rushes to me to be cuddled. After a few moments he is back demanding to be given the rest of the malt drink from the mother. It is difficult for some parents to come to terms with the fact that children are just who they are; children.
A couple of years ago, my daughter called me one morning for our usual chat. During the conversation, she told me her eldest daughter wanted to talk to me. She gave her the phone and all my granddaughter asked was, “Grandpa, when will you die?” I heard my daughter shout at her not to ask just a silly question. She took the phone from the little girl and tried to apologise to me for her daughter’s effrontery.
Honestly, if I had asked my parents that question at that age back in the day I would have been accused of being a witch (or wizard) incarnate. Adzevi would have been the right description. Even majority of parents in our parts in this day and age will not take kindly to this question from an impetuous child. Who born dog? All hell would have broken loose. Born-again parents would have taken this child to their pastors for deliverance.Deliverance because of a simple, innocent and inquisitive child’s question?
I asked my daughter to give the phone back to her child. I asked her if she was present at her own birth. She said no. Did she know when she was born? She mentioned the date. How did she know? Her mother told her was her response. She gave very honest answers to my questions. I knew I got her attention, so I went on, “You see, you just said you were told those things by your Mom. What it means is that we never know when we are born until our parents tell us.
“That is how God works. We do not know when we are born, so we do not know when we will die. The decision is God’s as to when He calls us back to where we came from. Do you understand now?” She said she understood and I asked if she had any other question relating to dying. She had none, so I asked her to give the phone back to her mother. I reported our conversation to her and asked her not to dismiss questions children ask outright.
When my grandchildren came visiting on my birthday in January, I raised the issue but my granddaughter did not remember she had ever asked me that question. Children are naturally very inquisitive. Just after about five years, she had forgotten a question she had asked while younger.
Another child who referred to a cripple as an animal because he saw that the person was walking on all fours was so severely beaten that he fell asleep while still crying. How does a child understand these things, one may ask? And the little tot would not understand why he was beaten. Children must be allowed to express themselves freely. What parents must understand is that children say things they see. Therefore, it behoves parents to determine what is right or wrong for their children to be exposed to. Just do not do what your own child will report to her playmates that turns to embarrass you. What children say or do mirrors the way we live in our homes and the immediate environment.
More often than not, adults think children should understand what we understand. They must see what we see. we easily forget that we were once like them; perhaps behaved worse. A mother beats up a child for demanding food she doesn’t have money to afford. Children do not care whether we have the resources to take care of them. They should not, actually. All they want is to play and eat and sleep. Deprive a child of these and your ceiling will come down.
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When Abigail Fremah steps up to the Armwrestling table, the noise fades, the tension settles, and order takes over.
Despite a calm, but firm and meticulous disposition, she has become one of the quiet forces shaping Ghana’s growing reputation in the sport, not as an athlete, but a referee trusted on the continental stage.
Abigail’s journey into Armwrestling did not begin at the table. Like many Ghanaian sports enthusiasts, she grew up playing several disciplines. Football was her first love, but she also featured in volleyball and basketball during her school years. Sports, she says, was simply a way of life not just for her.
“It runs through the family. All my siblings are into sports,” she stated.
“I was involved in almost every sport in school, football, volleyball, netball, hockey; I did everything,” she recalls.
Her academic background in Health, Physical Education and Recreation laid a solid foundation for her sporting career. While on scholarship at the university (University of Cape Coast), she often used her modest budget to support young athletes, sometimes sharing skills and even T-shirts at programmes she attended. Giving back, she explains, has always been part of her motivation.
However, as she matured as an athlete, Abigail made a critical self-assessment.
“Armwrestling involves a lot of strength,” she admits. “Looking at my body type, I realised I couldn’t fit properly as a competitive athlete.”
That moment of honesty pushed her to a different trajectory but equally important path in sports; which is officiating.
During her National Service, she was encouraged by Mr Charles Osei Asibey, the President of the Ghana Armwrestling Federation (GAF), to consider officiating. He introduced her to a technical official, Mr Hussein Akuerteh Addy, who formally took her through the basics of Armwrestling officiating in 2021.
“I started as a case official,” she says. “We moved from region to region every week, officiating competitions. That’s where it all began.”
By 2022, Abigail was actively involved in national assignments, though she missed the African Championship that year. Her breakthrough came in 2023, when Ghana hosted the African Armwrestling Championship.
It was her first experience officiating at a major international competition and it changed everything.
“That was my first national and international exposure at the same time,” she says. “It really opened my eyes.”
Today, Abigail is a World Junior Armwrestling Referee, a status earned through performance, consistency and discipline. She explains that progression in officiating was not automatic.
“It’s all about performance, your appearance at African Championships, your conduct, how you handle pressure; that’s what takes you to the world level,” she stressed.
As a referee, Abigail’s priority is safety and fairness. Armwrestling, she notes, comes with risks, particularly injuries to the wrists, elbows, shoulders and arms.
“If athletes don’t follow the rules or refuse to listen to officials, injuries can happen,” she explains, adding that focus was everything.
Before every match, she ensures that all equipment which includes elbow pads, hand pegs and table alignment were properly set. Athletes are not allowed to cover their elbows, must grip correctly, and must follow the referee’s commands precisely.
“We make sure everything is fixed before the grip,” she says. “Once we say ‘Ready… Go’, there should be no confusion.”
She is also firm on discipline. Warnings are issued for infractions, and repeated misconduct attracts penalties.
“The referee must be respected, if you don’t listen, the rules will deal with you,” she says.
Abigail credits her confidence partly to her sporting family background. Her mother was a volleyball player, while other family members also participated in sports. Though they were initially concerned about her safety, her rise to the top reassured them.
“They were afraid at first,” she admits. “But they were also very proud, especially because some of them never got the opportunity to reach this level.”
Looking ahead, Abigail is optimistic about the future of Armwrestling in Ghana. In less than a decade, the country has produced African and world-level medalists, a sign, she believes, of great things to come for Ghana.
“Whenever we go out, we come back with medals such as gold and silver,” she says, and to her that was a sign of growth.
In the next five to ten years, Abigail sees herself rising to become a World Master Referee, the highest officiating level in the sport. Until then, her routine remains intense, training four times a week, working closely with athletes, standing on her feet for hours, and constantly refining her understanding of the rules.
“I love this sport,” she says simply. “That love is what keeps me going.”
Abigail encouraged women to be bold and intentional about their place in sports saying “don’t limit yourself because of fear or stereotypes.”
She also urged women to invest in learning, discipline and consistency, stressing that respect was earned through performance.
For Abigail, as Ghana’s armwrestlers continue to make their mark, she will remain where she is most effective at the table, ensuring the game is played right.
By Esinam Jemima Kuatsinu
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As he had promised Aperkeh, the elderly man and his wife and three daughters stopped by Aperkeh’s parents’ house. Mr Amando and his family were preparing to settle in for the night.
“Brother Ben and family”, Mr Joshua Amando said warmly, “although I know you are here on a matter that can hardly be described as joyous, it is still good to see you. You are welcome. Please sit down while I bring you water”.
“Yes, we will take water, even though we are hardly thirsty, because this is our home”.
“Okay, Ben”, he started after they had drank, “Let me go straight to the point. My daughter Priscilla has told me about the goings on between her brother Aperkeh and our daughter Stella.
Before informing me, Priscilla had expressed concern to Aperkeh about some habits he is adopting, especially the late nights and the drinking. She tells me that one Saturday morning, she was there when Stella complained about his drinking and some girls who had come to the house to look for him, and he assaulted her.
I called him and complained, but all he could say was that I don’t know what caused him to react that way, so I could not judge him. Now he does not answer my calls.
I have sent Priscilla to his house to call him, but he has refused to come. Unfortunately, Ben, my son is a much different person than the young boy who completed university and started work at the bank. I am really embarrassed about his treatment of Stella”.
“Joshua, let me assure you that even though what is happening is very unfortunate, it will not affect our relationship.
We have been friends since childhood, and I thought that with their parents’ blessing, the relationship between Aperkeh and Stella would grow to become a blessing to all of us. But there appears to be a real challenge now.
Stella thinks that Aperkeh wants her out of his house, and indeed Aperkeh himself told me that, about an hour ago.
So I’m taking my daughter home. I suggest that you do what you can to straighten him out, but if it does not work out, let’s accept the situation and continue to be one family.
I am sure that being the well behaved girl that she is, Stella will meet a young man who will cherish her. Fortunately, this problem is happening early in the day, so they can sort things out if possible, or move on with their lives if they are unable to stay together”.
“I’m really grateful for that, Ben. I will do my best in the next few days to reason with him, because apart from the relationship with Stella, Aperkeh is risking his job and career with this lifestyle.
A good job and salary offers an opportunity to gather momentum in life, not to destroy yourself”.
“Okay Brother Joshua. We will say goodnight. I hope to hear positive news from you”.
As he descended in the lift from the fourth to the ground floor, Aperkeh wondered who would be waiting at the reception to see him at nine on Monday morning. He had spent good time with both of his new girls during the weekend, so it had to be someone else. He got out of the lift and pulled a face when he saw Priscilla.
“Priscilla”, he said as he sat down by her, “what do you want here? You know Monday morning is a busy time at the bank. I am a very busy person, so say what you want, I have work to do”.
“You are very funny, Aperkeh. You are telling me, your sister, that you have work to do, so I should hurry up? Okay, Dad says I should advise you to come home tonight, because he wants to discuss the issue of Stella with you. He sent me to you twice, and you did not come.
He has tried to call you quite a number of times, but you have refused to answer his calls. He says that if you do not come tonight, you will be very surprised at what he will do. He says you will not like it at all, so better come.
“What is all this? Why won’t you people leave me alone? Stella is very disrespectful. I told her that if she wanted to continue to live in my house, she must obey me. It is that simple.
She chose to continue ordering me about, controlling me in my own house, so I told her that if she could not live under my conditions she should leave. And she left. In fact, her own father came and took her away. So what again?’’
“How did she disobey or control you? Was she complaining about your continuous drinking and late nights? And did you slap her on several occasions because of that? Did you tell her that if she could not live under your conditions she should leave? You actually said that to her father? You have forgotten that before she came to live with you, our two parents met and agreed, and gave it their blessing?’
“Why don’t you leave, Priscilla? I don’t have to listen to all that”. “Okay, I will go. Your father who gave birth to you and educated you to university level sends me to you, and you ask me to leave? I wish you would defy him, and refuse to come home as he’s telling you, because he is planning to give you the discipline you badly need. Let me tell you. Stella is such a beautiful and decent girl, and I assure you that someone will grab her before you say Jack. You are only 30 years old, and you have already become a drunkard”.
As he walked towards the lift, Aperkeh decided on what to do. He would go home, and calmly listen to what his father had to say. The old man was very unpredictable, and he wouldn’t dare ignore him. So he would take all the insults and threats, but as for Stella she was history. According to Priscilla, Stella was beautiful and all that, but she had not seen the two curvaceous princesses who were all over him, ready to do anything he asked. And these were not barely literate waakye girls, but university graduates from wealthy homes, really classy girls. With stuff like that, who needs a waakye girl? He smiled as he took his seat.
A few minutes to five, Aperkeh was packing up to leave for home to meet his dad when his phone rang. It was Priscilla.
“Aperkeh, Dad says you don’t need to bother to come. Stella’s dad says she came to him early this morning to plead that she would rather stay at home than return to your house. She thinks you are already decided to be rid of her, and she does not want to risk being assaulted again. So it’s done. You can go ahead and enjoy the nice life you have started”.
Before he could tell her to go to hell, Priscilla hanged up the line. He was partially stung that his dad had virtually cut him off. The last thing anyone would want was to fall out of relationship with his own family, which had always supported him.
But the truth was he was no longer interested in Stella. What was wrong with going by one’s feelings? He could only hope that one day, his parents and sister would try to reason with him.
By Ekow de Heer
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