Obaa Yaa
He promised to pay my school fees
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
We are young graduates who are seriously in love and would like to be married if our plans go through successfully.
Additionally, we are working under the same employer but in different departments and districts.
We very much understand each other, offer assistance and support in any kind when necessary.
Though we hail from different parts of the country, we have agreed that ethnicity should not be an impediment in our resolve to get married at the appropriate time.
Eager to know each other’s parents per our schedule, she took the initiative by taking me to her hometown, where i was received with joy with the assurance that i was always welcome to the family.
Unfortunately, the scenario with my parents has presented the exact opposite as my father is vehemently against our relationship, with the explanation that he would not permit me to marry from that tribe.
As fast as she is, she has been able to interpret the body language of my father indicating that she is not welcome in the family.
She was unhappy about my father’s attitude towards her and for that matter would like to know whether she would be accepted in the family.
Should i tell her the truth, and how do i convince my father to rescind his decision?
Kwame, Koforidua.
Dear Kwame,
We normally seek the blessings of our parents who are our first teachers on earth before we embark on any serious venture. When they give their consent, blessings and good fortunes follow us in our activities. But when the contrary happens, frustrations, misunderstandings and mistrust set in our relationship, a situation which does not promote peace, harmony and development.
Your father should give his reasons to back his disapproval not leave it in vacuum.
There is the need for you to convince your father personally or through some close relatives who possess mediation skills to let your father know that since there are imperfections in the world, he has to bless your marriage to succeed.
It could also be that the signals might not be the true reflections of his misgivings.
Tell your father about the good qualities of this lady, how resourceful she is and the immense assistance you will gain in marrying her.
Do not take offence with your father because of his disapproval but remain calm and control the emotions of your lady. Above all, do not tell her about the true picture on the ground, though she could guess.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
