Obaa Yaa
My sister’s husband is making advances at me
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We lost our father when our eldest brother was nine years old and l was three years by then.
My father was the bread-winner of the family and we enjoyed unconditional love from him and his preparedness to give us any assistance we needed.
Following his demise, l envisaged the trouble that awaited my mother who must single-handedly cater for us.
A good friend of my father occasionally assisted in paying our school fees and further sponsored our eldest brother to the university, and arranged for one of his cousins to marry my elder sister.
My sister’s husband has been very supportive of my family based on this, my sister asked that l should stay with her and the husband wholeheartedly agreed to the relief to my mother.
Though there is joy in the house and things are moving on well, my sister’s husband is making fast advances at me.
On the first occasion, he opened the door when l was bathing and my sister had gone to the hospital to weigh her child.
Having realised the shock in my face, he quickly apologised and said it was a mistake and that he did not know l was there.
I took him for his word and accepted his apology as coming from a genuine heart. After a week, he touched my buttocks when l was washing. I chuckled and told him to stop such acts else l would inform my sister.
He later gave me GH¢2,000.00 and asked me not to tell my sister about the incident and that he had given me money to seal my mouth.
This man entered my room one night and wanted to sleep with me when my sister was taking her bath. He pleaded with me that he would give me more money if l allowed him to sleep with me.
I am now disturbed because my sister will not take it kindly if she gets to know of any intimate relationship between her husband and me.
What should l do to avoid shame and save my sister’s marriage?
Araba, Cape Coast.
Dear Araba,
Thank God that you have not succumbed to his sexual desires which will definitely stain your character and probably destroy your future.
This man should not hide behind his generosity to make a fool of you and bring enmity between you and your sister. It will be an abominable act if you allow him to have his way and your sister will not trust you in life as this will forever spoil the relationship between you and your sister.
It is important for you to leave the house in order to maintain your respect and save the marriage of your sister.
You must confide in your mother who will persuade your sister to release you to return to your mother’s place.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
