Features
Criminals and gullible natives
A criminal is a criminal whether or he has thick lips. As such, I strongly disagree with the French psychologist, Lombroso, whose idea of a criminal is a person with hard features and thick lips. If Lombroso had conducted his research in Africa, he probably might have condemned Africans to be a criminal race, since broad noses and thick lips, among others, comprise the African’s visage.
In Sikaman for instance, we have dangerous criminals whose physiognomy has nothing to do with their criminality. We have criminal die-hards and recidivists who are handsome gentlemen and comely ladies. Women who dupe for instance are the most attractive, albeit with dark minds.
And one thing I have come to realise of late is that there has been a return to the use of wits and magic in place of violence by criminals, especially by thieves and burglars. Perhaps, the idea of firing squads does not particularly appeal to them.
Using wits and magıc has a long history in Sikaman. In 1974, certain crooks, allegedly from a neighbouring country, invaded Sikaman to make money. They greeted you, you responded and your genitals got lost if you were a man. If a woman, your breasts vanished in a twinkle of an eye.
In desperation and bewilderment, weeping and gnashing of teeth, you quickly had to agree to pay quite a sum of money to another man (an accomplice) who approached you offering help, and you got back your sexual accessories.
It was widely disseminated that the antidote to the magic was pepper or charcoal. You simply had to put one of these into your pockets wherever you were going and then you were safe. Those days you could see Sikaman natives laden with pepper in all pockets and some with loads of charcoal in their back pockets. Pepper and charcoal became essential commodities.
This criminal practice died down in Tema for instance, not because people were using pepper and charcoal, but because one of the so-called magicians met a rather tragic end. He was identified by his victim and promptly lynched through mob violence.
Sometime last year, the ‘Spectator’ carried a front page exclusive of a man with a tribal mark who does not cherish using violence to earn a living. The man, it was alleged, made lucrative business by dressing like a woman, with slit and kaba, and high-heeled stiletto shoes, complete with make-up and earrings. I wonder what really was attractive about this muscular gentleman, no matter the finesse with which he executed the make-up and the power with which he wriggled his buttocks when walking. Anyhow, he made a tidy sum duping unsuspecting men before being told enough was enough.
In a bid to burgle a business executive in a quiet residential area, a man uses a ladder to enable him get access to the top chamber at about 2a.m, unfortunately for the thief, the executive boss does not sleep with both ears. One ear is, therefore, alive like a 24-hour radio frequency. He hears the sound as the thief works his way upstairs via the ladder.
The man wakes up and descries a tall, bulky barrel chested human being, who could have passed for a gorilla, ascending a wooden ladder pitched against his window. He had never seen such a formidable figure.
However, as the thief nearly gets to the top, and with all his might pushes the man takes courage and with all his might pushes the ladder off his window. The criminal lands on his back with the ladder atop him, and barks like a dog although he is a perfect human being.
But he is also a professional. He quickly wakes up from the tragedy, wipes the sand off his face and hair, carries the ladder on his broad shoulders and trots dizzily away home to plan another strategy. After an alarm had been sounded for his arrest, he was nowhere to be found.
A boy of about 13 enters into a house and meets the children of a prosperous man whose wife is a businesswoman. The boy tells the children that he has been sent by their mother to carry the video set to a repairer. The children become sceptical, because the video set is in excellent condition.
Anyhow, the teenager convinces them that the repairer had to put something right somewhere. The children are too willing and allowed the smiling adolescent to carry away their beautiful set to improve the picture quality.
Their mother returns at dusk and denies ever sending a boy to the house. Up till this day neither the video set nor the boy has been found.
The latest episode was reported in the Ghanaian Times by Francis Gasu, some three weeks back.
A woman meets two girls at the Kwame Nkrumah Circle, Accra, on their way to buy exercise books at the premises of New Times Corporation. She advises the elder of the two to remove whatever money they were having in their ladies’ bag, to keep it safe by wrapping it in some pieces of paper. She asks them to put the money into a nylon sack -they were holding, and to hurry since according to her, thieves were following them.
The girls indeed hurry. But when they got to New Times and decided to take out the GH¢36,000 wrapped in the papers, the money is absent, the papers intact. So magically dangerous! They came weeping and became confounded at this magical gimmickry perpetuated by a seemingly innocent and helpful woman.
There are thieves and criminals of different grades making money by relying on the gullibility of the native. When a thief enters a court room, he is the most dangerous of his calibre. And when a thief wields a ladder, it is an indication that he knows his job.
A man in brown overall with a ladder firmly held onto his shoulder, begs his way through the capacity crowd present to witness a long-awaited trial. He is allowed into the courtroom and he bows to the judge who solemnly acknowledges the reverence.
He unloads his tall ladder and puts it against the wall as court proceedings were underway. He climbs the ladder and screws out the large beautiful wall clock that had stopped working some two weeks back. The man must be a repairer and his forehead looks like that of a very efficient watch repairer.
He descends the ladder with the clock, puts the ladder on his shoulder, bows again to the judge and is given way to pass. That has been the end of the beautiful clock and the efficient repairer who incidentally does not have thick lips.
These are all true stories which have occurred at one time or the other. They are the perfect substitutes for armed robbery. The thieves come in many forms and guises. They use brains and magic when the going becomes tough.
Be on your guard and save your property!
This article was first published on Saturday October 13, 1990.
It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?
Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.
For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.
The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.
It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.
Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.
In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.
They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.
Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.
Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.
So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.
There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.
Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.
When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.
So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!
Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.
So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?
Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.
Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”
They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.
Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.
That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.
This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996
This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years. The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive.
Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members. FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition.
Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament. Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil.
Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.
There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries.
The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran. The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches. The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay. They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day.
They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting. Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.
This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.
Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.
There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it. The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference.
The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful. They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it.
Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.
As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood. Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them.
We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country. Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge. God bless.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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