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Obaa Yaa

She backs out of marriage

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

Convinced that we love each other and nothing could hold us back from becoming husband and wife, we planned to get married before December this year.

Unfortunately, unexpected quarrels and anger in every matter made it impossible for us to carry out this plan. My lover, for reasons best known to her, changed her attitude and would not compromise in any way.

Despite repeated calls from our friends, she has refused to listen to their plea for an amicable settlement of what the problem was.

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After a couple of weeks, a friend informed me that my lover has been going out with another gentleman. This information made me to understand the sudden change in her.

Checks further revealed that my lady had a divided attention, hence her decision to leave me for good.

Though it was heart-rending, l could not do otherwise and had to leave the matter as it had occurred and she went ahead to marry her sweet heart.

After two years in a happy marriage, she surprisingly called me one evening to tell me that she was sorry for leaving me. She, however, concluded that she was not happy and would like to end the marriage and come back to me.

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What should l do?

Kwame- Tema.

Dear Kwame,

You have done well by entertaining this former friend of yours, even after she had rendered your heart and went ahead to marry another man.

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Do you think she would have called to find out how you fared if things had gone on smoothly in her marriage?

The husband will definitely blame you for breaking his marriage if she dared divorce him and later marries you. His anger will be intensified if he discovers that you were the former boyfriend.

One cannot explain why she took that decision to pick somebody over you, and what has changed this time?

Therefore, if she has decided to back out of the marriage let her carry her problems alone.

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Obaa Yaa

My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.

After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.

He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.

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I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.

There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.

My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.

Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?

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From Frimpongmaa,

Assin Praso.

Dear Frimpongmaa, 

I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.

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Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.

The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.

The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.

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Obaa Yaa

I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.

My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.

Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.

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My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.

I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.

I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.

What should I do?

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Adzo, Ho

Dear Adzo

If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.

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 At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.

I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.

Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.

Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.

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You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.

Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.

If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.

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