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 Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse

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 When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-ne­gotiables are the qualities, charac­teristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables re­quires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.

Why Non-Negotiables Mat­ter?

Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relation­ship.

Types of Non-Negotiables

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Non-negotiables can be cate­gorized into several types:

1. Values-based non-negotia­bles: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For ex­ample, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.

2. Personality-based non-ne­gotiables: These are non-nego­tiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extro­verted.

3. Lifestyle-based non-ne­gotiables: These are non-nego­tiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and indepen­dence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.

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4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotion­al needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and val­idating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.

5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables relat­ed to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.

How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables

Identifying your non-negotia­bles requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:

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1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most import­ant to you in life? What do you stand for?

2. Think about your past rela­tionships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?

3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?

4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and priori­tize them.

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Prioritising Your Non-Nego­tiables

Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-ne­gotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-ne­gotiables:

1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of im­portance.

2. Categorise them: Catego­rize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.

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3. Consider the consequenc­es: Consider the consequenc­es of compromising on each non-negotiable.

Communicating Your Non-Negotiables

Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotia­bles, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-nego­tiables:

1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-nego­tiables.

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2. Use “I” statements to ex­press your feelings and needs.

3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to com­promise.

Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essen­tial for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By know­ing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to com­municate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compro­mise and negotiation.

To be continued …

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Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).

ORDER BOOK NOW:

https://princeoffei22. wixsite.com/author https://counselorprinceass.wix­site.com/edu-counseling-psych https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSO­CIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUN­SELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)

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Relationship

How to Navigate Social Media Boundaries as a Couple

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Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be tricky. With constant access to each other’s lives online, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. Here are practical tips to help couples manage social media use effectively.

1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step is to talk openly with your partner about social media usage and how it affects your relationship. Honest conversations may feel challenging, but they are essential for understanding each other’s perspectives and setting mutually acceptable boundaries.

2. Be Specific
When discussing boundaries, be clear about the behaviors that bother you and the limits you’d like to set. For example, instead of saying, “You spend too much time on social media,” try:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”

3. Be Considerate
Consider and respect your partner’s viewpoint. Setting boundaries is not about controlling each other; it’s about creating balance and fostering trust in the relationship. The goal is to maintain connection without letting social media interfere with your bond.

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4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Social media etiquette guidelines can help couples define what is and isn’t acceptable online behavior. Discuss whether you will follow each other, what kinds of photos you’ll post, and how you will interact with others online. Clear guidelines help prevent misunderstandings and maintain respect.

5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respecting privacy is crucial. Avoid snooping on your partner’s accounts, sharing personal information without consent, or posting photos or updates that may make them uncomfortable. Trust and respect form the foundation of a healthy digital relationship.

6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Remember that social media often shows a curated “highlight reel” of other people’s relationships. Avoid comparing your relationship to these selective portrayals. Every relationship is unique, with its own challenges and successes. Focus on what makes your bond special rather than online comparisons.

Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media is key to nurturing a healthy, happy relationship. Open communication, mutual respect, agreed-upon etiquette, and avoiding comparison with others online are all vital steps in maintaining intimacy and trust in the digital age.

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Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre

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Vulnerability, Openness Strengthen Relationship Bond

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In the realm of romantic relationships, vulnerability and openness are often misconstrued as signs of weakness. However, research in psychology and relationship counselling suggests that embracing vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening bonds.

The Power of Vulnerability

Vulnerability involves sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires with our partner, making us susceptible to potential hurt or rejection. Yet, it is precisely this openness that allows us to build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety in our relationships.

When couples prioritise vulnerability, they often experience a profound shift in their relationship dynamics. For instance, a couple I counselled, who were struggling to connect after a recent move, found that sharing their fears and anxieties with each other helped them rebuild their emotional intimacy. By being open about their struggles, they were able to support each other and strengthen their bond.

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Benefits of Vulnerability and Openness

  1. Deeper understanding: By sharing our thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner.
  2. Increased empathy: When we are open about our struggles, our partner is more likely to respond with compassion and support.
  3. Resilience: Vulnerability helps us develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate challenges together.
  4. Authentic connection: By being our authentic selves, we create a sense of mutual understanding and connection.

Cultivating Vulnerability in Relationships

So, how can we cultivate vulnerability in our relationships? Here are some practical tips:

  1. Start small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations, like discussing a book or movie. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually share more personal aspects of yourself.
  2. Practice active listening: When your partner shares their vulnerabilities, respond with empathy and understanding. This helps create a safe space for open communication.
  3. Be present: Focus on the present moment and try to let go of distractions. This allows you to stay engaged and responsive to your partner’s needs.
  4. Show appreciation: Express gratitude for your partner’s vulnerability and celebrate their courage in sharing their thoughts and feelings.

In many successful relationships, couples have reported that regular “check-ins” or meaningful conversations help them stay connected and build a stronger bond. By prioritising vulnerability and openness, these couples are able to address life’s challenges together, fostering a deeper sense of connection and intimacy.

Vulnerability and openness are essential components of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By embracing these qualities, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds with our partners. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that can bring us closer to ourselves and our loved ones.

To be continued…

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Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Lecturer, Published Author, Mental Health Professional, and Marriage Counsellor).

Order the book now:
ORDER BOOK NOW:
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/
author https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES
CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING
INSTITUTE)

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