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Marriage palaver – Part 2

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Sikaman is always a hot ground for the bachelor who has to sweep his own room, fetch his own water, clean the bathroom, clean the dishes, and of course cook his own banku.

But cooking for instance, does not present much of a problem since the bachelor can forever procure food in the form of Hausa koko, koose, waakye, kenkey and shito, as well as roasted groundnuts from sellers who are constantly playing hide-and-seek with AMA authorities.

The typical bachelor who be­comes an incorrigible patron of wayside food peddlers is normally malnourished due to obvious rea­sons.

Apart from the fact that most food sellers do not give a damn about quality, it may also happen that in the locality of the bachelor, there are only kenkey sellers.

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For eight years running, the bachelor devours kenkey in all its forms and ramifications: kenkey and shito, mashed kenkey with sugar, fermented kenkey (a favourite of al­coholics), and kenkey with pear. The dessert is usually iced water.

If the bachelor’s mother does not take pains to visit him once a fort­night to prepare him ‘home food,’ then of course he will sooner or later die of ‘kenkeymatics,’ which is a disease that attacks bachelors in the Accra Metropolitan Area.

Some bachelors, however, run their home like a pseudo-marriage enterprise. The bachelor has a girl-friend who comes and goes as and when her services are needed. She often spends the night if there is no risk of an earthquake resulting from the clash of rivals.

BACHELOR

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However, it become rather expen­sive running a bachelor home with a commuter girl-friend who must be paid fat allowances for cooking, washing, dancing, sleeping and of course, romance. And if you refuse to provide her with a full-shoe, full-dress, full-chicken and full-jelly curls during X’mas, you’ll never see her tail again except in your dreams.

As it were, it is better to get married because a wife does not disappear just because you cannot afford the ‘fullness’ of everything. Marriage is, therefore, the ideal thing, but how many bachelors can afford to marry without going bank­rupt?

In some parts of Northern Gha­na for instance, if you don’t have four cows it means you can always be assured of dying a bachelor-boy. This is rather unfair to those who do not rear cows and therefore have to purchase four cows with hard cash before getting a wife who will start misbehaving the next day.

In spite of the problematic nature of Sikaman marriages, research has always indicated that married peo­ple live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

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The reason is quite simple. Married life is the most ideal for an adult. In marriage, contrary to most opinions, one is more relaxed, has time to pursue ambitions, and eats balanced diet and much more. Mar­ried people are always disciplined and responsible and are rewarded accordingly.

It is, therefore, rather unfortu­nate that certain marriages are more disastrous than ‘bachelorships’ or ‘spinsterships.’

The process of getting married itself is a time-consuming venture, and is not achieved in a single day. It starts with courtship which is the be­ginning and, therefore, the sweetest part of it.

Boy and girl are usually encased in a dreamland savouring love for each other. Some girls so admire their tall handsome boy- friends that they keep worshipping them and forget about God.

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Some boys also bow to girls who wear spectacles. And both parties want to put up the best of impres­sions. Hot-tempers are regulated with safety valves; the best clothes are worn during dates, and the dain­tiest of manners are exhibited.

During this period, the males miraculously have an inexhaustible supply of cash and the females are also poised to receive gifts before they reciprocate one way or the other, Love letters are written with chosen words that evoke love and overpowering sentiments.

Then comes time for a propos­al that is if that had not preced­ed courtship, because some men propose marriage long before they begin courting.

Proposing marriage can, however, be an awkward part of the whole show, especially when the man is not too sure about what the girl’s response will be.

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The faint-hearted aspiring hus­band, therefore, takes a good mea­sure of mahogany-bitters to sharpen the edge of his tongue with which he is going to deliver the message in phonetical tone.

That way, the girl can never refuse, because with some Oxford accent backed by alcoholic power, the proposal becomes the sweetest music in the ear of a maiden.

Alas, the engagement is no joke. A mediocre engagement ring is around GH¢15,000, and that is only a fraction of the estimated expen­diture. Apart from the presentation of several items that run into many thousands of cedis, the groom must hold a reception for people whose stomachs are specially designed for engagement parties. Such well-wish­ers accommodate every drinkable from palm wine to champagne and will digest anything especially left-overs.

It is, however, often tragic for the groom when invited guests and well-wishers do not donate the mon­ey value far and above the equiva­lent of what they eat and drink. And of course, some quick- witted guests will donate according to the quantity of beer, chips and jollof rice served them.

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An engagement party, therefore, becomes a refined chop bar where you pay according to what you are served.

When the engagement ring is put on the girl’s finger, a certain magi­cal change occurs within her which would be shown in fine colours im ­mediately she gets under the same roof with the man.

And true like hell, problems begin from the financial angle.

The man feels that although he has not yet wedded the girl, she is now a wife who will understand matters when he cannot afford a full-shoe in the face of rising cost of living and the inability of many corporations and companies to pay the minimum wage.

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DOMESTIC

Grudges and grievances are stored in the heart. The woman begins to nag and the man may feel misunderstood. When tension ris­es to breaking point, he must start boxing training for the eventual showdown.

That way he’d not be found lack­ing when it comes to vying for the domestic kenkey weight champion­ship title. If the husband is a south­paw, the situation becomes very dangerous.

Happy marriages are rare in Sika­man. Two out of every five marriages do not travel the entire distance. It sooner or later runs out of steam be­cause of fighting, nagging, infidelity, womanising, arrogance, interference of in-laws, and chop- money palaver.

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My pal Robert Kempes Paani Ofosu- ware observes that happy marriages are those that are run with plenty of cash and everything flowing around.

According to him, “Nagging, fighting, arrogance and infidelity on the part of the woman will cease or become minimised when the house is adequately provided for and the wife is enjoying material wealth.

Contrary to this school of thought, Nii Odai TT, alias Goukouni Weddeye says that money per se is not an important factor. An arrogant and disrespectful girl, he notes, will persist in her obstinacy whether or not she is offered a million cedis, in other words, some girls ate con­genitally stubborn and, therefore, incorrigible.

Dear reader, which of these schools do you sympathise with?

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This article was first written on Saturday June, 2, 1990

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International character of Ghanaman and more

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Ghanaians can be found in every part of the world

The average modern Gold Coaster born and bred in Sikaman is an adventurous creature. Go to any part of the world and you’ll find Ghanaman diligently slugging it out either in the snow or in hot sweltering weather, earning a decent living.

Go to Guinea and see Ghanaman in the garb of a herbalist, curing the sick of various ailments. He makes the Guinean understand that not all diseases are caused by James Lucifer alias Jimmy Satan. On the contrary, most diseases are caused by kooko which can even attack the human nose and turn it upside down.

That kooko is also the cause of poverty and the internal bleeding of personal back-pocket economies. And that kooko can be cured using the chemistry underlying Sikaman herbal medicine which has been blessed by the gods of Larteh.

And before Ghanaman starts dispensing his herbal concoctions, he must attract the passing crowd with some Sıkaman-originated choreography, akin to a combination of adowa and agbadza, such that the dancer can easily dislocate a shoulder and start crying for his mother.

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When the crowd is enough to form a quorum, Ghanaman must perform magic as a side-attraction, and proceed to sell his drugs. The drugs are genuinely made from potent herbs which the Pharmacy Board of Sikaman says it has no confidence in. Believe me, Ghanaian herbalists are practising in neighbouring countries like Guinea, Cote d’Ivoire, Sierra Leone and Benin, while we are discouraging them from practising in Sikaman.

Go to Las Palmas and see Ghanaman as a fisherman. He sails on Korean-owned boats and is forced to eat garlic and raw tuna for radiant health. The garlic is also supposed to protect him against witches. But sometimes, he is not good bedfellows with some Korean crew members, and once in a while a fight breaks out.

The typical Korean is a Kung Fu expert and before displaying a golden dragon data. He must first terrify Ghanaman with a Korean dance which consists of wild arms and leg throwing. But Ghanaman is usually not daunted. Why has he been eating cancer kenkey all years without developing cancer? It mean is a superhuman capable of countering Kun fu side-kicks to the ribs.

Anyhow Ghanaman’s most potent arsenal lies in his fists. If he is a southpaw, it mean left fist is probably insured and can cause damage. When Ghanaman lands a cassava blow and it lands on a Korean chest, it has the effect of a cruise missile. If there is no ceasefire a funeral cannot be ruled out.

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Greenland

Go to Alaska and find Ghanaman there. Greenland, Iceland, Brazil, Argentina, Madagascar, everywhere and you’ll find him. He has become an international citizen and is generally lauded for his hardwork, sincerity and honesty.

However, some bad nuts are also condemned and despised.

The world and all its parts and corners are for the human race, and anyone can choose to live anywhere and earn a decent living so long as he doesn’t misconduct himself or become a social misfit and a law unto himself.

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Sıkaman for instance accepts foreigners, and we are so liberal that people just come in through our borders and we welcome them with the best palmwine in town and goat light soup. Who cares about passports and visas? Our hospitality is, as it were legendary.

So we have Liberians, Nigerians, Sierra Leoneans, Togolese, Europeans, Americans, Scandinavians and Koreans in Sikaman.  And some of them have misinterpreted our overzealous accommodation to mean “foolishness” and are misconducting themselves.

The newspapers carry stories of some unscrupulous Nigerians stealing, defrauding and collaborating with their Sikaman counterparts to rob people. You’ll find some good and law-abiding Liberians around but some other Liberians are in the business of fraud, robbery, money printing, money doubling, anything criminal.

Ghanaian hospitality can no longer be extended to such people. I do not think Ghanaians will be treated kindly either, when they misbehave anywhere in the world. Those who come from outside with the intention of bringing down their evil deeds and to practise them here professionally must be getting ready because Ghanaians are getting fed up with the menace.

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These days, you’ll find strange people following you as soon as you emerge from a bank. If you are not careful, they’ll wrestle your briefcase from you and speed away in a waiting taxi.

Someone was just saying that many foreign criminals are flocking to Ghana because in their countries, they are enable to operate either because they are being looked for by the police for offences committed or fear instant justice at the hands of mobs. Ghanaians, it is said, are humanitarian in dealing with criminals.

Well, in some African countries, a thief who is being chased runs directly to the police station in his own interest and begs the officer at the counter to lock him up. Otherwise he’ll be lynched or be burnt to death. In Ghana, it is the opposite. The thieves run far away from the cop stations.

The criminals must reform and stay peacefully in Sikaman or quit. No court case!

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This article was first published on Saturday September 5, 1998

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The architecture of existence: How we live and die

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​The human condition is defined by two absolute, biological bookends: the commencement of complex cellular animation and its ultimate, irreversible cessation.

For centuries, medicine treated life and death as strictly separate states. Today, modern pathology and molecular biology reveal a more profound truth: the mechanisms that allow us to live are the exact same mechanisms that dictate how we die.

​Understanding this relationship is no longer just a philosophical pursuit. It is a clinical necessity for managing public health in the 21st century.

Part I: How we live – The mechanics of animation

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​At its core, biological life is a continuous, high-stakes battle against entropy (the natural tendency of systems to degrade into disorder). To maintain form, consciousness, and function, the human body relies on three fundamental pillars:

1. Cellular respiration and energy production

​Every second of human life is powered by the conversion of oxygen and glucose into Adenosine Triphosphate (ATP), the universal energy currency of our cells. This process occurs within the mitochondria.

Without a constant supply of ATP, the microscopic pumps that maintain electrical gradients across our cell membranes fail, causing cellular collapse within minutes.

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2. Homeostasis: The balancing act

​To survive, the internal environment of the body must remain incredibly stable, regardless of external chaos. This balancing act, known as homeostasis, regulates:

​Blood pH: Strictly maintained between 7.35 and 7.45.

​Core Temperature: Ideally kept around 37°C (98.6°F).

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​Electrolyte Balance: Precise ratios of sodium, potassium, and calcium that allow nerves to fire and muscles to contract.

​3. The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

​The ANS acts as the invisible conductor of life, split into two complementary branches:

Part II: How we die – The path of cessation

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​Death is rarely a singular event; it is a progressive biological cascade. Whether caused by old age, chronic illness, or sudden trauma, the final pathways of mortality generally follow a predictable trajectory.

​1. The cellular horizon: Senescence and Apoptosis

​Every time a human cell divides, the protective caps at the ends of its chromosomes-telomeres-shorten. Eventually, telomeres become so depleted that the cell can no longer divide safely. It enters senescence (a state of permanent arrest) or triggers apoptosis (programmed cell death). This gradual, systemic loss of cellular renewal is the underlying engine of aging.

​2. The clinical cascade of somatic death

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​When the body can no longer maintain homeostasis, somatic death (the death of the organism as a whole) begins. This occurs in a distinct sequence:

1

Clinical Death

Zero to four minutes

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The heart stops pumping blood, and respiration ceases. While breathing and circulation have ended, the body’s tissues still contain residual oxygen and cellular energy reserves. At this stage, resuscitation is often still possible.

2

Brain Death (Infarction)

Four to six minutes

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Deprived of fresh oxygenated blood, the brain’s highly sensitive neurons begin to starve. Lacking ATP, the brain cells lose their electrical charge, swell, and begin to burst. Permanent, irreversible neurological damage occurs within minutes.

3

Biological Death

Hours to days

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The organs fail entirely. Without central control or blood flow, individual cells throughout the body consume their final energy reserves. Enzymes that once aided digestion begin to break down the body’s own tissues from the inside out, a process known as autolysis.

Part III: The modern collision of life and death

​In the modern era, the boundary between how we live and how we die has blurred. Historically, humanity died primarily from infectious diseases and acute trauma. Today, global mortality is dominated by non-communicable, chronic lifestyle diseases.

Modern Pathology: How we live (the cause) how we die (the result)

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Cardiovascular disease, chronic stress, poor diet, and lack of sleep keep the sympathetic nervous system hyper-activated, damaging blood vessels .Occlusion of coronary arteries leads to myocardial infarction (heart attack) or ischemic stroke.

Metabolic syndrome over nutrition and physical inactivity overwhelm cellular mitochondria, leading to systemic insulin resistance. Multi-organ failure, chronic kidney disease, and severe vascular complications.

Neurodegenerative Disorders Chronic systemic inflammation and sleep deprivation prevent the brain from clearing metabolic waste. Gradual loss of synaptic connections, leading to dementia and the eventual loss of basic autonomic functions.

Conclusion: The unified theory of health

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​Ultimately, how we live directly shapes the path of how we die. The micro-choices of daily existence-how we manage emotional stress, the quality of our rest, our communal connections, and our nutrition-either preserve the integrity of our homeostatic systems or accelerate their decline.

​True medical advancement is shifting away from merely extending the final, frail stages of biological death. Instead, the focus is turning toward optimising our living years-ensuring that the intricate, beautiful machinery of human animation runs smoothly until its natural, quiet conclusion.

By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson

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