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Chopmoney Wahala
The word “wahala” has its genesis in budget politics. It was conceived in Parliament House, christened at the NDC headquarters and outdoored on the streets of Accra.
Moses (Mathematical) Asaga, who coined the word, has still not been forgiven for inventing such an ear-catching expression.
The bad news is that wives and housewives have since adopted the word wahala, and we must pray they do not hit the streets.
These women are not seeing eye-to-eye with their husbands over the size, height or weight of chopmoney lately. Reports suggest they are warming up for action.
Chopmoney has become the centre of most domestic brawls. It is usually the remote cause of every marital jolt. For instance, when a husband and wife quarrel over the man’s extra-marital affairs, the woman is indirectly saying that the chopmoney has lost weight because part of it is being used to chase women.
Ironically, a wife would hardly complain if her husband drinks ten bottles of beer daily—as long as such prolific quaffing does not affect the health of the daily chopmoney.
Definition
Chopmoney has many definitions. Some include money meant for paying utility bills such as electricity, water and phone services. Ideally, however, chopmoney refers to money for the daily provision of food—usually supper.
In most homes, breakfast and lunch are not much of an issue. After tea and bread, everyone leaves for work, school or business and reconvenes at supper time. Lunch is therefore eaten outside, except on weekends.
So chopmoney covers what some call dinner. I honestly don’t know what supper is. I can’t recall any French I learnt in school—maybe I should start learning Greek.
In Sikaman, any man who leaves for work without leaving chopmoney is simply asking for trouble. Some wives take it cool, use their own money for cooking and later demand reimbursement at home. That is a pacifist—but still confrontational—approach.
Sometimes, a wife may notice that her husband has become notorious in chopmoney matters and would sneak out early when she is not looking. If she has no money at home, she may be forced to visit the husband at work to demand the cash.
Rainy Day
The moment she arrives, the palpitating husband knows why his wife’s face looks like a rainy day. He dares not argue, lest she raises her voice and announces to the world that Ogyam failed to settle the chopmoney palaver before splitting from home.
In some cases, the wife may be too something. She would want the man’s colleagues to know his character and would rant while the husband pleads in whispers:
“I don’t want people to hear what you’re saying.”
“Then change your character!” the woman would shout, drawing a sizeable crowd.
My uncle, Kofi Jogolo, once redefined chopmoney to include daily, weekly or monthly provision of cash—plus a little extra for hairdressing, manicure and pedicure.
According to him, wives factor personal appearance into chopmoney by insisting that inflation has attacked food items the same way armed robbers attack victims. In common parlance, wives tear chobo from the chopmoney to pay for rasta hairdos and other beautification expenses.
He does not understand why wives won’t ask directly for money to cover such costs but instead prey on the chopmoney. He is still wondering.
Complaint
My uncle believes wives complain about slimming chopmoney when they fail to extract enough to buy new funeral cloths, fix their nails or attach eyelashes. Such wives, he says, should be ignored.
But wives cannot be ignored that easily. They are the prime ministers of the home—holding the fort while the man is away drinking his brains off, chasing a newly found babe, or engaging in something equally unseemly.
The woman organises the home, ensures neatness and doubles as Senior Minister for Food Affairs. When she goes on strike, domestic cataclysm looms. She must be reasoned with—unless she is simply too unreasonable to contain.
So when she says the chopmoney has lost form, there is no need producing your payslip. She already knows your salary long before you do.
Her arguments are not based on slips of paper but on what is happening on the ground.
Sometimes, the women are right. Prices keep rising and chopmoney must be adjusted accordingly to meet the family’s nutritional needs. In many cases, women supplement with their own money—commendable indeed. But sooner or later, they will demand repayment.
After all, there is nothing like a free lunch.
First published on Saturday, February 4, 2006.
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THE typical itinerant salesman in Sikaman is a herbalist. He is normally a slim macho with the capacity to perambulate the expanse of area covering the triangle of Accra-Tema-Ashiaman. In short, he can walk a total of 60 miles a day, marketing a product that cures every disease, including poverty. 
The door-to-door herbal pharmacist advertises his product by word of mouth. He has nothing to do with the Food and Drugs Board (FDB). After all, his concoctions do not feature on FM stations.
Those herbalists who cannot walk to propagate the herbal gospel, liaise with drivers of mass transportation and their mates. They are, therefore, given the chance to sell their products on Benz buses that ply the routes.
Normally, the herbalist starts his sales message with a prayer and Bible study. He asks the passengers to bow down their heads in supplication to God the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.
When a herbalist asks the passengers to close their eyes and bow their heads, Moslems on board naturally feel offended. They feel that the herbalist has no right to assume that every passenger is a Christian. They think such an assumption is an affront to Islam.
So a Moslem on board will raise the hand for a point of order. He’ll remind the herbalist that it would be in his own interest to mind his language.
“Be careful the way you address people in a public place. Not every person here is a Christian,” he’d state assertively.
Of course, the herbalist will promptly ignore him, but would all the same “watch” his tongue. Who knows whether or not the Moslem brother is inspired by Quoranic zeal to defend the tenets of Islam to the hilt?
When he starts saying, “Wallahi!” and “Inshallah!” it could be the beginning of proclaiming Islam as supreme, a point which must be driven home with talibanic precision.
So the herbalist must tread carefully lest he steps on fire.
The herbalist could even add a measure of mirth to it all, by announcing that Christians on board today have very interesting company on the journey, but that should not detract from the business of the day.
The Moslem brother will weigh the words carefully and offer a wry smile.
He must be careful the occasion does not degenerate into the use of semantics and proverbial oration to deride his conviction that public utterances must be mindful of religious sensibilities. He has made his point very clear and expects that it is taken in good faith in the interest of a peaceful journey.
The herbalist will now open the New Testament and preach salvation, stating clearly that salvation can come only through Jesus Christ and NOBODY else.
The Moslem brother will now start twitching his moustache. The visible and almost revolutionary reflexes of his upper lip can be an indication that sentiments have begun superseding reason, and the outcome could well be tragic now shift uneasily in his seat.
The time has come for him to also express his right to the religion of his fore-bears. He’ll put his hand into his pocket and rise to his feet. The time has indeed come!
This article was first published on Saturday, September 9, 2006
When the cause of a particular problem like sickness, disease, sudden illness, a social issue etc. are not known, it stands to reason that resolving it becomes a huge challenge.
Citizens would understand the government when public announcements are made to the effect that government is trying to find a solution to the issue, even though it is taking a while for it to be resolved because citizens are rational beings.
On the other hand, if the solution to a particular issue is known to everybody but the government for whatever reason, is dragging its feet in resolving it, citizens become frustrated and begin to lose trust in their leaders.
One such issue is the heavy traffic along a section of the Kasoa – Odokor road. A short stretch of bad road between the traffic light at the Weija Government Hospital and the entrance to the entrance of the overhead that leads to the N1, is the cause of the problem but nothing is being done about it, day after day, week after week, month after month. Thus is clearly unacceptable.
Another issue that requires urgent attention is the lack of pavements along a lot of streets in parts of the various Municipal Assemblies. Exercise is a prerequisite for long life and healthy living and for those of us who it has become a way of life, this issue of people putting up structures right to the edge of the drains beside the roads, are making life difficult for us.
We are compelled to walk along the roads, putting our lives at serious risk. Pedestrians should never be compelled to compete with vehicles on our streets and roads. Roads and streets are made for vehicles and pavements are made for pedestrians. That is the norm. Any attempt to normalise a situation where pedestrians are mingling with vehicles is insanity.
It is the road regulations that makes it so and therefore district or municipal assemblies are to take responsibility and ensure that spaces for pavements are not encroached upon. Citizens have rights that must be protected by their leaders and making pavements available to pedestrians, is one of them.
When we hear of teachers having sex with students, it appears it is something recent. It is not a new phenomenon. It has been there since Adam. Perhaps this issue is getting much attention due to the proliferation of social media. It was an open secret in times past when Teachers were in relationships with female students and some married them immediately after completion of school.
Some teachers were also known to be having unholy interactions with female pupils but due to the times that these acts occurred, human rights issues and the awareness around it, allowed such unscrupulous teachers to get away with their crimes.
Now we are in a different era and so a Headmaster is now in hot waters. He is alleged to have raped about 19 female students and as usual, some officials tried to cover it up and are also in hot waters and their actions or inactions in the matter are under investigation.
Why the man has been allowed to roam freely without being arrested is simply mind boggling. It appears that the law applies differently, depending on who you are. This issue came to public attention sometime in August this year, yet the police had not arrested or invited this man for question regarding the rape allegation.
It has come out that he is a Constituency Secretary of the ruling party and the question in the public domain is that, is it because he is a political figure that is why he is still walking around without questioning? I believe in the rule of law so let us hold our breadth and let the proper thing be done.
The police must however be seen to be active in this matter. God bless.
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