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Obaa Yaa

My marriage is coming to an end

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

MY name is Philip and I’m 45 years old while my wife is 40 years. We have been married for 14 years but been together for 19 years. We have a girl, she is in High School now and doing pretty well.

My company had a conference at a hotel in Kumasi and four of us from my department were se­lected to represent the company. During lunch, I decided to take a stroll and enjoy the scenery around the hotel since it’s my first time there.

As I strolled around, I was shocked to see my wife step out of a vehicle with a younger man. They started walking towards the reception of the hotel. The man placed his arms around her waist and they were enjoying each other’s company.

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I froze and felt a huge cloud of pain weighing over my head. I wanted to shout and approach them but when I opened my mouth, no words came out and my feet was too heavy to drag.

I am in my mother’s house now, I do not know how I will face her if I eventually go home. I was told my mom needs help with few things at the house so I will lend a helping hand and also sleep over. I haven’t told anyone but my mom suspects that some­thing is wrong.

I am so devastated right now, my marriage and home seems to be coming to an end. Please what should I do?

Philip, Kumasi.

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Dear Philip,

I understand how you feel; I plead with you to continue to be patient with your wife.

Please try and go home to have a word with her concerning what you witnessed.

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Give her the benefit of doubt to explain what she was exactly doing there at that time with the man.

I am pleading with you to give her a second chance but most importantly, kindly inform her parents about it to talk to her.

You can seek the help of a professional counselor and go for therapies with her.

However, if you are not com­fortable staying with her, please part ways with her peacefully. You can co-parent your daughter.

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Obaa Yaa

My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.

After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.

He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.

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I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.

There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.

My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.

Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?

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From Frimpongmaa,

Assin Praso.

Dear Frimpongmaa, 

I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.

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Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.

The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.

The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.

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Obaa Yaa

I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.

My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.

Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.

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My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.

I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.

I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.

What should I do?

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Adzo, Ho

Dear Adzo

If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.

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 At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.

I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.

Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.

Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.

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You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.

Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.

If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.

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