Relationship
How to resolve trust issues in a relationship
A loving relationship can be a beautiful union of two people. To achieve this goal, there are several aspects within the relationship that need to function optimally. The most important aspect is trust.
Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. Trust issues in a relationship can instigate fear and judgment can become clouded and doubt and suspicion may grow.
For a happy relationship to work, the people involved must be able to trust each other. Couples often wonder how to fix trust issues in a relationship or specifically how to deal with trust issues in a relationship especially, because, at the beginning of a relationship, things typically seem rosy and beautiful.
There is usually a lot of excitement and small transgressions are easily forgiven and set-aside.
Once you get past the initial infatuation, however, and the relationship begins to blossom, you truly begin to learn where the relationship is headed and a deep foundation of trust can begin to develop or diffuse.
When both people are honest, open, and trustworthy, couples can easily grow confident in the path their relationship is on within a few weeks. Within this trusting relationship, it becomes easy for them to decide what the future holds for them together.
Sometimes, unfortunately, when either one or both people in a relationship have a hard time opening their hearts to trusting one another, it can grow very frustrating.
If there is a genuine desire to build a loving relationship, however, this frustration does not have to mean the end
Every relationship hits a few roadblocks during its course. The key is to fix trust issues or anything else and work toward resolving them.
Trust issues in a relationship
A healthy relationship cannot grow without trust. Sometimes, previous life experiences can severely affect your ability to trust other people.
Sadly, many people have faced terrible disappointments in the form of heartbreaking betrayal. If you or your significant other are struggling with this issue, it is important that you work it out together.
Trust is something that has to be earned through trustworthy behaviour. Words, gifts, and promises do little to restore trust. It is the consistent trustworthy actions that count.
Mistrust can result in terrible side effects. In an environment of mistrust, you may experience higher than normal levels of anxiety, self-doubt, and a severe lack of confidence. This does not have to mean the end of your relationships. You can learn to trust people again. All you need to do is give them, and yourself, a chance.
The first thing you should do is try to identify why you or your partner have trust issues. In a kind and gentle way, you can ask “What things can I do to help me or my partner feel safer in our relationship?
Reasons there are trust issues in a relationship
If you are wondering how to overcome trust issues, you must understand the reasons for these issues in your relationship.
To be continued…
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
