Obaa Yaa
2 women pregnant for my husband
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
My husband got another woman pregnant when we haven’t even thought of having a child. He came to confess to me and asked me to forgive him, I forgave him. It was very hard. Our marriage was less than a year old. We had planned to enjoy our marriage for two years before thinking about making babies.
I forgave him because I didn’t want the embarrassment that comes with it. I was even the one who advised him not to tell anyone about it. It was our little secret, and I encouraged him to take care of the child and the mother.
Two years later, I was pregnant when I discovered another woman was pregnant for my husband. I nearly miscarried as my heart started beating out of rhythm. When I asked him, he confessed. He broke down and cried with me while begging me not to make it an issue.
He said the devil was involved, so I should pray for him. He swore it would never happen again. I was scared for my health and the health of the baby I was carrying, so I decided to forgive and save myself the trouble. That was the hardest decision I’d ever taken in my life, but then again, he was my husband, so I had to forgive him.
My baby was only four months old when I discovered my husband had again impregnated the first woman he got pregnant. It was the woman who called to tell me their second child was on the way. I don’t know why she did that, but I felt so disrespected and broken. Before my husband came home, I had packed out of the house.
I’m in court seeking divorce. My husband is still begging me to change my mind, but I’ve seen the height and depth of shame, and I don’t think I was born to experience this kind of humiliation. Obaa Yaa, did I do the right thing?
Kafui, Kpando.
Dear Kafui,
I am still processing everything you’ve been through. Your husband’s actions are not your fault, and you’ve shown incredible strength and forgiveness. However, it’s clear he’s not respecting your boundaries or marriage.
Leaving the house might be a sign that you are done, and that’s okay. You have tried to forgive and save the marriage, but he keeps hurting you. Your well-being and mental health should be your priority, especially given your past pregnancy complications.
You deserve respect and loyalty in your marriage. Reach out to a trusted family member or a counsellor for support. I believe it is time to consider what’s best for you.
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Obaa Yaa
My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.
After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.
He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.
I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.
There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.
My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.
Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?
From Frimpongmaa,
Assin Praso.
Dear Frimpongmaa,
I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.
Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.
The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.
The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.
Obaa Yaa
I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.
My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.
Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.
My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.
I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.
I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.
What should I do?
Adzo, Ho
Dear Adzo
If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.
At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.
I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.
Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.
Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.
You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.
Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.
If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.
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