I received my first slap after the wedding

Dear Obaa Yaa,

Baaba is my name and doctor by profession. The women in my family have not been lucky enough when it comes to marriage. When it got to my turn to tie the knot, I thought prayers had broken the family curse until my husband gave me my first slap.

According to sources, women in my mother’s generation were cursed because my grandfather had an affair with a married woman. When the woman’s husband found out, he cursed my grandfather and all his generations.

When I heard that story, I took my prayer life very seriously. I went to church, and every chance I got, I prayed against that curse. I spoke to my pastor about it, and we prayed together. I fasted, sowed seeds, and gave generously to God’s work. My pastor assured me the curse had been broken and that I was free forever. I went ahead and married the man I had dated for six years. 

Ever since, slapping in my home has become normal thing. What should I do?

Dede, Obom.

Dear Dede,

 From what you have shared, it is understandable that you connected your husband’s actions to the story of the alleged family curse.

However, an incident of domestic violence should not automatically be seen as proof that a curse is at work. Your husband’s decision to slap you is his responsibility, and it should not be excused or explained away as a spiritual inheritance.

The first priority is your safety. Calmly let your husband know that violence is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate being physically abused. If he is remorseful and willing to change, encourage him to seek counselling, preferably with a qualified marriage counsellor, trusted religious leader, or therapist.

 Both of you can also attend marriage counselling to address any underlying issues in your relationship.

Continue to nurture your faith if it gives you strength, but avoid living in fear that your life is controlled by a family curse. Prayer can provide comfort and guidance, but it should go hand in hand with practical steps to deal with harmful behaviour.

If your husband continues to be physically abusive or the violence escalates, do not remain silent. Seek support from trusted family members, church leaders who take abuse seriously, or the appropriate authorities. No one deserves to live in an abusive marriage, regardless of spiritual beliefs.

Remember, a healthy marriage is built on love, respect, patience, and self-control not fear or violence.

Protect your well-being while giving your husband the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and change.