In the name of Jesus

PREACHING the gospel in Sikaman can take various forms. When it is not being done in the chapel where common witches can also attend and listen to the good news, then the message can be heard wayside.

Pay a visit to parts of Accra, especially Circle, and you are sure to meet a large crowd of unemployed persons, lotto magicians, and political analysts gathered round a spirit-charged, self-ordained pastor who behaves like a rattlesnake — it is not too clear what kind of spirit he has.

His message is also sometimes not clear. Apart from the fact that it is long and winding, it is seasoned with comedy and tragedy, salted with rhetoric, radicalism, and bombast. The end message is a promise of hell-fire if you do not serve God.

To those who listen, it is often an inspiring message, especially if they have not been winning lotto of late. In fact, some of these wayside pastors actually declare “three sure” every week. So far none has ever dropped, but hope is not lost. Probably Mr James Lucifer alias Jimmy Satan has been changing the numbers, and sooner or later he would be pinned down and given a spiritual injection.

To the poor who do not have cash to stake lotto, the message is even more refreshing. At least when they die, there is every assurance that they would reside permanently in the land of milk and honey where there is no accommodation problem and landlord palaver.

There is sure to be brown bread around to go with the milk and honey. No more mashed kenkey for supper and the legendary life-saver Face-The-Wall against groundnut soup.

Preaching the gospel is best done by Jehovah’s Witnesses. They are not concerned about matters of the state. They don’t salute the flag, don’t participate in sports, don’t bother whether it is President Rawlings or Adu Boahen who is at the Castle. All they want is to teach the WORD.

A typical Jehovah Witness evangelist is a well-dressed person, most probably in a bow-tie. He carries a spiritual weapon, the Bible, in a leather bag.

If he carries a small briefcase instead of a leather bag, it means he is also a transport owner. Most importantly, he is imbued with one quality many people do not have — PATIENCE. He is as patient as a Sikaman vulture!

His mission is to go from one house to the next to catch those who never go to church on Sundays so that they could be converted to become “witnesses of God.” I like them also for one thing: Persistence. Even if you get angry and sack them from your home, they would surely come back tomorrow, rain or shine. Before you realise, you are also carrying a leather bag with all your might, following them and preaching the word.

Such house-to-house strategic evangelism is very effective until a preacher man or a group of witnesses enter a home that has a dog. So that breakfast could be delivered on time. No messing up.

New wave

Of late, there has come a new wave of evangelisation, quite akin to Jehovah witnessing but a bit different in content. The evangelist invariably is a tall fellow in robe wearing a wild goatee, holding staff and then a Bible. He looks like Moses but quite unkempt. He goes from house to house and his mission is simple and straight to the point.

“I pray for people who have problems that cannot be solved physically and immediately. Thousands have benefited from my prayers. If you are jobless, don’t cry. Kneel down and let me pray for you. Marriage problems, childlessness, money palaver, impotence — all will go away when I lay my hands on you. Just have faith and leave the rest to me.”

They can really convince you and if you are desperate and a bit gullible, you’ll surely kneel down and be prayed for. Whether such prayers work or not is another matter. But mind you, the service is not for free.

How much you’ll pay will depend on the enormity of your problem and the length of the prayer delivered. Impotence, for instance, will naturally attract a higher fee than financial wahalla, because “matters of the waist are of high premium considering their reproductive implications.”

And when the man is praying for over 20 minutes and you realise the bill for the spiritual exercise will be too high, you only have to step hard on his last toe to warn him that enough is enough. If he continues, he does so at his own risk. Man no craze!

The problem with the Christian religion is that we no longer have professional evangelists, a term I would apply to those who have been called by God to do His work. Everybody can become a pastor if he wants to because there is no law against it anyway. He doesn’t need to train in a seminary and doesn’t need a calling either.

That is why we have freelance pastors, non-commissioned catechists, churches with evil-inspired organisers. Married women are told they need to be exorcised of imaginary evil spirits to make them prosper. Exorcism takes very intimate forms bordering on subtle forms of seduction and perversion.

How many times haven’t we heard or read about pastors impregnating women and sponsoring the abortion to get rid of the innocent child? How many times haven’t marriages broken due to the wicked and immoral involvement of so-called pastors?

Some women have left their husbands’ homes to cohabit permanently with church leaders because they claim the Holy Spirit has instructed them to do so. Apparently, people cannot discern between the spirits. They mistake a smart demon for the Holy Ghost and act upon its instructions. So-called men of God are corrupting society in the Holy name of Jesus, and we just stand and stare.

I am saddened by the fact that Jesus’ and God’s name have been exploited for selfish, avaricious, covetous, and evil-inspired ends of some people. If society cannot do anything about it, then we can only leave it to God. He is the final arbiter. And vengeance is His, according to the Holy Bible!

This article was first published on Saturday, March 23, 1996
Your Weekend Companion — Merari Alomele