Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 3

As divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.

A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.

Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with another four tips.

9. Do not expect your new family to be like your first family

If you expect that your stepfamily will be just like the family of your first marriage, you are setting yourself up for frustration. Your new family will have its own unique identity and will evolve in its own special way.

10. Allow time for grieving

Stepfamilies begin with an experience of loss, and everyone needs to grieve. The adults’ losses are not the same as those of the children, and both must be respected. Adults grieve the following losses: the loss of a partner, loss of a marriage relationship, lost dreams of the way they thought it would be and they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death

Children grieve, too. Their losses are usually different from those of their parent, they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death and they may have lost the fantasy of how they wanted their family to be.

11. Acknowledge the absent parent

When one of the original parents is absent, the children need a special kind of understanding. An absent parent (who has died or who lives elsewhere and doesn’t visit) is part of a child’s past. The child must be allowed to have memories of this parent. The children who have access to both of their parents are those who adjust the best to divorce. They should be allowed to regularly speak with, visit, and write to their noncustodial parent.

12. Give the kids their own space

Make physical space available for the children who don’t live with you. Children need a sense of belonging. Creating a room or section of a room for visiting children will help them feel like part of your family.