Why is my mum hiding her relationship?

Dear Obaa Yaa,

My mother has been widow for the past 10 years. We lost our father in a tragic accident and that traumatised my mother.

After all that my mother went through, it gladdens my heart to see her happy again after finding a new love.

My mom is dating a man in our church and is busily trying to hide it from me. I’m happy that for her age, she has found a man to keep her company after the death of my father, but I don’t understand why she’s hiding it.

I came home from work early one day, and she was home. I was surprised, but immediately she heard my voice, she stepped out of her room to meet me outside. She had only a cloth wrapped around her. I thought she was sick, but she was too loud and active to be sick.

She was preventing me from entering our own house.

I don’t know how long they intend to keep hiding their relationship, not only from me but from everyone around them.

Harriet, Tema.

Dear Harriet,

From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like you’re upset that she’s in a relationship. In fact, you’re happy she has found companionship after losing your father. The main issue is that she’s hiding it from you. A gentle, private conversation could help.

This approach reassures her instead of embarrassing her. She may be hiding the relationship because she isn’t sure how you’ll react.

She feels guilty about moving on after your father’s death.

She fears criticism from family or members of the church.

She simply values her privacy and wasn’t ready to tell anyone.

After you’ve let her know of your understanding, give her space. Don’t pressure her to explain or announce the relationship before she’s ready.

 If she still prefers to keep the relationship private, it’s also important to respect that choice. Supporting her happiness while honouring her privacy is likely the best outcome.