My mother’s presence at home is a worry to my boyfriend

Dear Obaa Yaa,

My boyfriend rented an apartment for me at a time when I desperately needed a place to stay. Since then, it has become our sanctuary.

He comes over on some evenings and weekends, sometimes spending the night and other times just relaxing before leaving.

He has his own set of keys, so he doesn’t even need to call before coming.

Everything changed four months ago when my mum fell seriously ill. And since the hospital she attends is not far from where I live, I brought her to come and stay with me as she receives her medical care.

Since then, she has remained here with me. Her condition has not been stable; she gets better today and the condition gets bad later.

The problem is that my boyfriend no longer feels comfortable coming around. He can’t spend the night here like he used to, and he keeps asking me when my mother will be leaving.

I usually tell him, I don’t have an answer due to her condition. Sometimes, he gets upset, and although I manage to calm him down, I can tell his patience is running out.

My rent expires in just three months, and I don’t have the money to renew it. I’ve always depended on him to pay the rent, but now I am afraid he may refuse to renew it because he feels my mother has taken over the space he provided for us.

The pressure is becoming unbearable, and I feel like I’m running out of time. What should I do to protect my mother and save my relationship?  

Baaba, Cape Coast.

Dear Baaba,

The first thing to remember is that your mother is ill and needs care. It would be difficult, and perhaps unfair, to send her away simply because it is affecting your relationship.

At the same time, your boyfriend’s feelings are understandable. He rented the apartment expecting it to be a place where the two of you could spend time together, but that has changed with no end in sight.

The best step is to have an honest, calm conversation with your boyfriend. Explain it to him that your mother’s stay was never meant to replace him or take over the apartment. Make him understand that it is a temporary response to a medical emergency, not a sign that you value him any less. Let him know you appreciate everything he has done for you and that you understand the sacrifices he has made.

You should also begin planning for the rent now instead of waiting until it expires. Explore whether you can contribute something towards it, seek help from family, or find another source of income. Depending entirely on one person for housing can leave you vulnerable if circumstances change.

Finally, pay attention to how your boyfriend responds after you’ve had an open conversation. A caring partner may be disappointed by the situation, but he should also show compassion for someone caring for a sick parent. Likewise, your needs matter too.