My husband is ungrateful

Dear Obaa Yaa,

When I got pregnant with our first child, my husband and I agreed for me to stay home, at least until the children were a bit older.

I had a good job in banking, but childcare in our city was expensive, and his salary alone could cover us. I said yes without hesitation, because that’s what you do for your family.

“A bit older” became 12 years. Three children, three different schools, endless sick days, school runs, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, managing the house when he travelled for work, all of it fell on me.

I never complained, because I told myself this was my contribution, even if it didn’t come with a pay cheque.

We had a discussion about it and my husband told me I was stressing him because I was a housewife.

Twelve years of my life, my career, my independence, reduced to “nothing” in one sentence. That night, after he fell asleep, I sat in the living room and opened my old laptop. I started updating my resume for the first time in over a decade. I don’t know the future, but I know I can’t keep living as someone whose entire existence is considered worthless.

Eyram, Keta.

Dear Eyram,

Your husband’s words were painful and unfair. Raising three children, managing a household, and supporting a family for 12 years is a significant contribution. The fact that it did not come with a salary does not make it any less valuable.

Before making any major decisions, try to have a calm conversation with him when emotions have settled. Explain how his statement affected you and why it made you feel that your sacrifices and contributions were being dismissed. Sometimes people say hurtful things during arguments without fully considering the impact of their words, but that does not excuse them.

Updating your résumé is not an overreaction. Rebuilding your financial independence, confidence, and career options can be a healthy step for your own security and self-worth, whether or not your marriage improves. Having choices is important.

Pay attention to how your husband responds when you share your feelings. A partner who values the relationship should be willing to acknowledge the hurt, apologise sincerely, and recognise the work you have done for the family. If these conversations continue to be dismissive or disrespectful, consider seeking marriage counselling to help address the deeper issues.

Most importantly, do not allow anyone—including your spouse—to convince you that caring for your children and managing your home for 12 years was “nothing.” Your contribution helped make his career and your family’s stability possible. You deserve respect, appreciation, and a voice in your own home.