Relationship
After the ‘I do’, who owns the money? – Part 1
The fight did not start in the bedroom. It started at the ATM.
He withdrew GH₵1,500 to send to his younger brother for school. She saw the debit alert. She had planned to use that same money to buy foodstuffs for the house. No one told the other. Both thought they had the right.
She said, “You don’t respect me.”
He said, “It’s my money, I worked for it.”
In that moment, their marriage stopped being a partnership and became a power struggle.
This is the question I am asked almost every day in counselling: “Counselor Prince, after we say I Do, is it MY money or OUR money?”
My answer always shocks couples.
After I Do, there is no “my money.” There is only “our money managed wisely.” But wise management means you need a system, not just sentiment.
Why the “my money” mentality is destroying marriages
Many Ghanaian men and women enter marriage with a dangerous mindset they learned from home. For some men, they watched their fathers control everything. “I am the man, I provide, so I decide.” So he gives his wife ‘chop money’ like a school child. That is not marriage. That is employment.
For some women, they watched their mothers suffer because they had no money of their own. So she swears, “I will never depend on a man. My salary is my salary.” So she builds wealth alone while her home is struggling. That is not security. That is emotional divorce.
Research from the American Psychological Association is clear: When couples feel financial inequality and financial secrecy, their satisfaction with the marriage drops by more than 70 per cent. It is not about who earns more. It is about who feels respected.
In Ghana today, with mobile money, two salaries, side hustles, and family pressures, if you don’t have a money system, you will have a money war. Love does not pay bills. Systems do.
The biggest mistake: The one-pot or the two-pot marriage
Most couples do one of two things, and both fail.
- Mistake 1: The one-pot – “Let’s put everything together.”
Everything goes into one joint account. Sounds romantic, but after three months, one person feels policed. “Why did you buy that dress? Why did you send that money?” You start asking for permission to use your own sweat. Resentment grows.
- Mistake 2: The two-pot – “Your money is yours, my money is mine.”
You split bills. He pays rent, she pays food. Sounds fair, but it is not a marriage. It is a hostel. You are roommates with a wedding ring. When one person loses a job or gets sick, the whole arrangement collapses because there was never “our” money.
Both systems create competitors, not partners.
After counselling countless couples, I have seen one system save more marriages than any sermon I have ever preached. I call it ‘The 3-Pot System’.
Source: Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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You can now read the Ghanaian Times and The Spectator newspapers from the comfort of your device via TimesNewsPlus.
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