Wahala of Christian marriages 

EVERY marriage has its expiry date. Beyond it, there is no redemption. The marriage must be dissolved, else it will drown in the waters of its own dissolution. The marriage will commit suicide.

The test of any Christian marriage is not whether it can subsist beyond its pro-visional expiry, but whether it can regenerate itself to become new, in the same way as those who repent become new in Christ Jesus.

In other words, any Christian marriage must have the mechanism to reverse the chemistry of its disintegration so that its expiry will only be a date for renewal, a rebirth of matrimony. In short, every Christian marriage must be capable of being born again, if nicodemously, all the better.

The truth, however, is that, it takes two to tango. If one party is willing and the other is not, then the “chemical bonding” cannot perpetuate and the marriage must crumble. It doesn’t matter whether the two are devils or saints.

The reality is that many marriages have long expired, but the couples live under one roof for convenience. Sometimes it is more expensive to divorce a woman than give her some space in your home to roost.

FORKLIFT

Some women also are not easy to kick out. You have to employ a grader and fork-lift to forcibly carry them out. Of course, she’d take you to WAJU, but the action would have been worth it.

Now, the computer has done many wonderful things and can even play chess. The only failure of the computer is that it has still not been able to understand marriage. Many have fed the computer with all sorts of formulae for a successful marriage. Go on the internet and you’ll behold a thousand and one marriage formulae under construction.

All sorts of formulae are also rehashed and theorems propounded at marriage seminars. Some work, others don’t, because every marriage is peculiar in a way and must be considered on its own merit. There is no general formula for any love relationship.

Some people claim that their marriages lasted 20 and 30 years, so they are experts in marriage. They make me laugh. Instead of claiming to be experts and specialists of marriage, they should rather thank God that they met the right women.

Incidentally, those who have married four or five times also claim they are rather the experts. They claim they have sampled a variety of women and therefore they know women inside out. Yet – they couldn’t handle any single marriage after as many as four attempts.

As already hinted, every marriage is a test case of its own. To apply any theorem to its success or failure will be an exercise in futility. The success recipe for every marriage is unique and every marriage has its own DNA or identity code.

Some seemingly happy homes are theatres of war. They have everything you can imagine a home will have. But as for marital peace, it is a scarce commodity. The wife doesn’t talk to the husband and vice versa. Some couples even adopt the sign language. Wonderful Jesus!

Now, so long as there is something called “marriage”, there must be another called “divorce.” Divorce comes in when a marriage has gone ‘tired’ and needs rest. The couple never thought it would be so tiresome.

MISTAKE

The problem with divorce is that some people cannot cope with it. They get divorced from the courts today, and tomorrow they think it is a mistake. They want their partners back. That is also why it is necessary to really debate within oneself whether divorce is the better option.

In many cases, however, divorce is the best thing. The marriage has expired ten times over and there is no basis for pretending it still exists. And if the couple are not separated, any little friction can result in a domestic explosion. People even shoot their spouses. Cases like that abound.

Unfortunately, the Bible frowns on divorce, except of course in cases of adultery where it is permissible.

The question people are asking is whether, adultery or not, a man of God can seek divorce. People say if he does, then how can he counsel the fold on marriage and initiate them into Holy Matrimony?

It brings into question what the identity code of the marriage is, since no two marriages are identical.

If it has a self-destructive code such that the perpetuation of the marriage is likely to cause an implosion, then divorce is inevitable. On the other hand, can the couple rise above it all and give new birth to their marriage in a sincere and conscionable manner? 

This article was first published on Saturday July 26, 2006

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