The vulture a patient bird

The vulture descends from the great heights and clears up every mess

The vulture is not particularly handsome. Spotting a bald head from birth, it is not counted among the bold and the beautiful. But one thing people have come to know is that there is also some­thing good in being ugly. At least, in becoming a vulture, you can become rich and famous.

The Vulture whose surname is Akaga, incidentally has no Christian name. It presupposes that the vulture is not a religious character and has not undergone the ritual of the bap­tism of water and fire. The vulture is not born again.

CARCASS

The vulture is, however, not shy of being a pagan. After all, it does more good to society than 90 per cent of Christians. Go to Alogboshie or Agbog­bloshie and you’ll see Kweku Vulture and Kwame Vulture cleaning the mess made by human beings.

Talk about smelling carcass de­composing innards, discarded and rotten fish no creature on earth wants to touch. The vulture descends from the great heights and clears up every mess human makes. If there are any environmental awards in Sikaman, they must go to the vulture.

It is very unfortunate the vulture which does more work than all AMA conservancy labourers put together, yet has not been honoured. The bird has to contend with the fact that it certainly would receive its reward but in heaven.

The only problem is that, it would have to repent and believe in the good news before getting the visa to heaven, which the vulture is not prepared to do now. Not when there is a dead rat to be attended to.

Anyone who has studied the vulture will realise that it is a very patient bird. It waits patiently, painstakingly, enduringly for the sick animal to die. It can even be more magnanimous and allow it to rot be­fore making a meal of it. That kind of patience, no human being has.

Everyone is struggling tooth and nail to become rich overnight. Hard work is no longer a virtue. Stealing, embezzlements, fraud and ‘Sika Duro’ have become the order of the day.

These are the fast-track methods of making it in today’s world. Damn the consequences!

But if you go the ‘Sika Duro’ way, you might have to be turned into a vulture first to learn all about the virtues of patience. Turning into a vulture may not only be for ritualistic purposes. While engaging in vice, you must learn virtue.

Even in getting ‘Sika Duro’ you need patience. And how best can anyone learn patience than becoming a vulture himself?

Following the publication of a front-page story in ‘The Spectator,’ Ghana’s top-rated weekly newspaper, that two ‘Sika Duro’ adventurists had turned into vultures, I have been under siege. It is as if I had written the story.

People have phoned me, ques­tioned me, and interrogated me as if I’m a criminal the story goes like this. Three friends who allegedly went in for juju money were turned into vultures, obviously to learn the noble art of patience. They were made to feed at a rubbish dump during the day and brought home at night to sleep, while rituals were performed.

PROCESS

The final process was underway when there was a terrible mishap. The first vulture was transformed into a human. At this point, ritual materi­als get short and some needed to be procured.

The jujuman went to get the materials and got knocked down by a vehicle. He died instant. The two remaining vultures could therefore not regain their human form.

The only lucky one of the three had no choice but to return home to enjoy his wealth. But he had the shock of his life when he realised that his two vulture friends were fly­ing after the vehicle he boarded back home. His friends definitely came back along with him.

Now, when two vultures were alleged to have started hovering and perching at a spot hitherto free of the presence of vultures, people nat­urally became curious.

COMPANY

I don’t know whether the place the vultures are said to be perching constantly in each other’s company, has now become a tourist attraction, earning Ghana some foreign ex­change. Cocoa is not fetching much.

But to anyone who questions me as to the veracity (truth) of the story, I refer the person to go and see if the vultures are at post. It is the pres­ence or absence of the vultures that can tell if the story is true or not.

Meanwhile, Sikaman Palava has been handed over information that other forms of ‘Sika Duro’ are becom­ing very popular. My investigations are on-going and soon ‘The Specta­tor’ will offer its numerous readers another front- page banner free-of-charge.

Heard about those who are using their semen (better referred to as sperm) to get ‘Sika Duro’? They are building mansions but they have also become infertile.

They can have sex all right, but cannot impregnate a woman. Those who already have children are dis­qualified from acquiring that brand of juju money. What is the world coming to?

This article was first published on Saturday March 1, 2003