The Cop, press and lost fingers

The job of a policeman, whether he is short or tall, is not a cheap one. He is supposed to keep the peace, protect society and monitor the activities of local magicians and money doublers who are specialists in making civil servants lose their pay within seconds.

By far the most difficult job of the policeman is when he is expected to arrest a murderer who is not only armed but also has a record of ap­pearing and disappearing at will. Even if the tough cop is in the company of other policemen all armed to the teeth, his stomach will turn to water when the criminal suddenly appears.

He is terrified not because the criminal is a better marksman, but because nobody dies twice. The prob­lem also is that a criminal might be prepared to die in a bid to shoot his way to freedom. But is the police-man prepared to risk death in the course of duty when he has a family to rear.

If he had just acquired a new girl­friend with whom he is enjoying life, should he not run away with his tail between his legs and tell his boss that the criminal is uncatchable?

Before some policemen go on pa­trol duties, they actually pray solemn­ly. “God send me into the wilderness and bring me back safely with my nose intact because I’m worth more than a common rat. I also do not want to die like a stray dog. If a bullet is targeted at my forehead, Holy Spirit please let it go over the bar, because six children is not a small palaver. If I die, who will look after them? Lord keep me safe day by day. Amen!”

The Sikaman policeman’s job is a risky one because he is not properly equipped with even a trained dog to help track down criminals easily. So he has to use his own nose judiciously in sniffing out suspects while making sure a bullet doesn’t catch him square on the jaw.

My friend Sir Kofi Owuo, a.k.a. Death-By-Poverty was telling me jour­nalists are in an even riskier profes­sion. Apparently, he had been reading about the palaver of journalists in places like Algeria and Columbia. Algeria, even women journalists are not spared assassin’s bullet. You’d see them lying in front of their homes with their heads full of bullet holes.

In Columbia, no journalist is safe. When a journalist is leaving home, he has to tell his wife. “Darling, when I don’t come back by 7 p.m. check the mortuary

The drug trade in Columbia has made journalism a profession not worth practising. If you write on cocaine and the harm it is inflicting on society, you’ll certainly receive a phone call.

“Hello, Mr Journalist, your article yesterday was great. Congratulations! We never knew you were such bril­liant writer, championing the cause of society. Again we say congrats! But you know something, by your article, you want to take the bread out of my and that of my family. You don’t want us to beak. We are aggrieved beyond measure”

“Oh, I was just… “You’d try to say something

“You don’t have to explain. The harm has already been done by your award-winning masterpiece. We have an appointment with you. You’ll hear from us.

Rest In Peace!” After such a phone call, you just have to pray to your soul, sing a hymn or two and get pre­pared fort appointment with death. For, death will surely come

I think pressmen in Sikaman would also have start informing their families appropriately before leaving for work now. “If I don’t come back early, I’m probably at the Ear, Nose and Throat Department of Korle- Bu checking a leakage in my left ear due to a gen­darme slap from an AMA official. If you don’t see me there, track me down to the emergency ward. If you see a newly-made cripple, I’m the one”

What about referees? These days they are guarded during football matches so that the risk they bear in terms of lost teeth is minimal. For­merly, it used to be a job full of woes and tribulations.

You were expected to oversee a match in such way that would favour a particular team. If that is not done, you’ll get back home and your wife will not recognise you. She’ll mistake you for Frank Bruno who had just lost a bout. When she finally recognises you, she’ll fix some hot water to mas­sage your poor face.

I hear that these days, apart from the protection referees receive, some are well-armed with Damfo Dzai, a kind of jack-knife that can carve a rowdy supporters face in several designs.

My Press Secretary and part-time bodyguard Devine Ankamah, was tell­ing me if he happens to be a referee, he’d surely carry a Kalashnikov AK 47 rifle with him, complete with loaded magazine, before officiating matches. According to him, that is the only way to do the job without fear or favour. Anyone dares will lose his jaw.

Anyway, risky jobs require good remuneration. As Kwame Korkorti once said, risky jobs require risky salary. A policeman would require a good pay so that when a criminal targets his left ear it would be worth the ‘am­putation’. Same for journalists and cameramen.

But go round private workplaces and factories and you’d see really risky occupations where workers are receiving salaries they can’t see with the naked eye.

In fact, in some private workplac­es, environmental safety is completely absent. Workers breathe in fumes, poisonous gases and risk lung and respiratory problems. Their employ­ers do nothing about protecting them against these hazards. Check out their payer.

In other places, workers have their fingers chopped off on the job, some losing as many as four fingers in stretch. The compensation they get can best be described as “wicked”. Their employers live big, chop big, ride big but are not willing to pay more than ¢120,000 for lost fingers.

Actually the more fingers you lose, the more money you get. So if you intend losing your fingers on the job, it is advisable to lose as many as pos­sible so that you can get more cash. Those who have lost one finger have not benefited much and are encour­aged to lose more next time around.

Sikaman Palava is undertaking to investigate some of these cases of very risky jobs in private setups and companies where workers are being exploited to unnecessarily but not offered protection against health haz­ards, and not properly compensated when they sustain injuries.

This article was first published on Saturday, September 28, 1996