Protecting the Muslim home in the modern age • Communication, addiction, temptation, marital fidelity (Part 2)

“So fear Allah concerning women. Indeed, you have taken them as a trust from Allah, and their private parts have become lawful to you by the word of Allah. 

You have rights over them: that they should not allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your beds. If they do that, then admonish them and discipline them without causing harm. And they have rights over you: their provision and clothing according to what is reasonable.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, Kitāb al-Ḥajj, ḥadīth 1218, in the lengthy narration of Jābir ibn ʿAbdullāh describing the Prophet’s Farewell Pilgrimage.

The modern Muslim home

The Muslim family today is living in a very different environment from previous generations.

Our grandparents had problems.

Our parents had problems.

We also have problems.

But today we have something they did not have. For instance:

Technology that can enter the home without opening the door

A person can sit beside his or her spouse and simultaneously communicate with hundreds of people around the world.

A person can be physically present at home but emotionally somewhere else.

A husband can be sitting next to his wife while emotionally attached to someone on his phone.

A wife can be sitting beside her husband while comparing her marriage with carefully edited marriages she sees on social media.

A young person can access sexual material within seconds.

A married person can secretly communicate with an old romantic partner without anyone knowing.

A person can lose money through betting without physically entering a betting shop.

This means that modern marriage requires something our predecessors also needed, but which we must now consciously develop: STRONGER PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

The “third party” in modern marriage

Traditionally, when people talked about threats to marriage, they talked about another person.

Today, the third party may be:

• A smartphone

• Social media

• Pornography

• Betting

• Online friendships

• Private messaging

• Gaming

• An old romantic partner

• An emotional attachment

• Work

• Endless entertainment

We should therefore ask ourselves:

Who or what receives the best of my attention?

Is it my spouse?

My children?

My parents?

Allah?

Or my phone?

Sometimes the marriage does not collapse because there is no love.

Sometimes it begins to collapse because attention has been diverted elsewhere.

Communication: The lifeline of marriage

One of the most common causes of marital distress is communication breakdown.

Communication is not simply talking.

There is a difference between:

Speaking and communicating.

Hearing and listening.

Responding and understanding.

A husband may say: “I told you what I wanted.”

The author is the Chief Imam of Katamanso Municipal and Certified Counsellor and Governor Expert.