My younger sister has taken over my room

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I AM 30 years old and the firstborn of three girls. Our mother died six months ago and since then, things have changed in our house.

I travelled for two weeks for work and when I returned, my younger sister, who is 24 years old, had moved all her things into my room. She said our mother gave her the room before she died, which I know is not true. Our mother left no such instruction before she died.

When I confronted her, she insulted me and told me that if I wanted peace, I should move to the boys’ quarters. Our father is not helping; he says we should not bring family matters outside.

I am hurt and angry. This was my mother’s house and I have been taking care of her before she died. How do I handle this without fighting my own blood sister?

First Born, Tema

Dear First Born,

I AM sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is already hard, and family conflict makes it heavier.

I understand your pain. You sacrificed for your mother, and now you feel disrespected in your own home.

Please do not fight your sister physically or with insults. Once you fight, the family bond may be difficult to repair.

Don’t fight over the room; fight for peace. For now, manage with another space in the house if you can. Winning a room and losing your sister is not a true win.

Call a family meeting. You cannot do this alone. Invite a respected elder in the family, an uncle, auntie or your church elder whom your father and sister respect. Let them sit both of you down and discuss the matter fairly.

Since your mother left no will, everything should be discussed openly. Talk to your father separately. Your father said he does not want family matters outside, which may mean he still wants unity.

Talk to him calmly, one-on-one, and not when you are angry. Tell him how hurt you feel, not just that your sister is wrong.

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