My husband wants to bring in her Ex

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.

Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.

Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.

Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.

Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.

My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.

I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.

Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.

Dear Comfort,

You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.

Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.

He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.

He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.